All Koral ever wanted was a chance to fall in love and have
a family, but the gods have other plans and they don’t mind destroying him in
the process.
IMO, you need
something other than ‘…a chance to fall in love and have a family…’ as our
introduction to Koral. Like a definitive character trait or a unique aspect of
his life. A bigger consequence of loss.
The last half
of the logline is great, btw J
4 comments:
I like the logline as is. But if koral is doing something to get what he wants, you might want to mention that instead.
I like this a lot.
I stumbled on "don't mind destroying" Maybe something like, "don't care if they destroy him..."
I agree with Ink's comment. I was tripping over that as well and I think they've found a solution.
I like the second part. The "a chance to fall in love and have a family" feels too generic to me.
Post a Comment