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Thursday, September 13, 2012

#3 Twitter Pitches and Loglines

All Koral ever wanted was a chance to fall in love and have a family, but the gods have other plans and they don’t mind destroying him in the process.

IMO, you need something other than ‘…a chance to fall in love and have a family…’ as our introduction to Koral. Like a definitive character trait or a unique aspect of his life. A bigger consequence of loss.
The last half of the logline is great, btw J


Patchi said...

I like the logline as is. But if koral is doing something to get what he wants, you might want to mention that instead.

Ink in the Book said...

I like this a lot.

I stumbled on "don't mind destroying" Maybe something like, "don't care if they destroy him..."

Brooke R. Busse said...

I agree with Ink's comment. I was tripping over that as well and I think they've found a solution.

Liz said...

I like the second part. The "a chance to fall in love and have a family" feels too generic to me.