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Thursday, September 13, 2012

#2 Twitter Pitches and Loglines


David and Cat: top graduates and best friends, until he discovers she is next in line for a hereditary throne that should not exist on their planet.

I keep stumbling over ‘…that should not exist…’ and I don’t know why. 
Otherwise I'd definitely read on.

4 comments:

Ink in the Book said...

Sounds compelling! I'd read on - it sounds intriguing.

Brooke R. Busse said...

Maybe it's that "should not" could be the contraction "shouldn't"?

Liz said...

Top graduates of what?

Patchi said...

This is my longer one:

Top graduates ever from the Academy of Demia, David and Catrine were a team until he discovers she is next in line for a hereditary throne -- one that should not even exist on a planet that valued merit over birthright.

Won't work for twitter, but has all the info.