Andren, prince of a small island, goes on a quest to find
himself after a traumatic event and ends up waging war on an evil dragon
emperor.
If you insert
why he needs to ‘find himself’, you'll tie the reader to Andren.
Examples:
‘Andren, prince
of a small island, finds himself at odds with his father…’
‘After killing
his best friend, Andren, prince of a small island, wanders in search of…’
‘When Andren,
prince of a small island, breaks his vow of chastity…’
*snicker*
Anyway, if you add a character trait, you'll create a bond between the reader and Andren.
5 comments:
I think you need more action. I remember reading your query, so I would suggest something like:
Prince Andren leaves his small island to fight the monsters within and ends up waging war on an evil dragon emperor.
I agree with Patchi. Adding some action and some character traits will really make this pitch pop:)
And what's the traumatic event? Depending on what it was, "finding himself" might seem reasonable.
I agree with Patchi. Readers really like action.
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I LOVE it! Why didn't I think of that?
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