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Monday, September 26, 2011

the first time

Well, here we are again and I'm looking for another round of submissions. This week lets look at the first time we, the reader, meet your main character's love interest OR antagonist. Let's keep it to around 250-300 words. Send your offerings to: marcy@tidewater.net and please put unicorn bell in the subject line.

Here is an excerpt from my novel Grimoire, when Lord Wyndham first meets Miss Devlin: 

     “Miss Devlin,” Adrian said politely, noting how still she sat and the way she watched him, her gaze frank and appraising. Her eyes were an interesting shade; just now they looked more blue but a moment ago he thought they might’ve been green. Her nose was straight and her lips generous. Her hair was an interesting tawny shade, streaked with gold and pale red lights and she might have been pretty, he supposed, if not for the freckles that spattered her nose. They made her look silly, he decided, focusing his attention on Grace again, wondering what sort of game she was playing. Because if there was one thing for certain Grace never did anything without a reason and this girl wasn’t here because Grace wanted company.


Huntress said...

Very nice!
I can see why agents are requesting more pages.

Absolutely nothing to crit.

Tara Tyler said...

this one i will try (when i get home) !
is sci fi noir a genre?

Charity Bradford said...

I love how he notices all these details and then tries to dismiss her from his mind as if he didn't notice them. :)

Very nice!

Brooke R. Busse said...

The first half of your last sentence reads just a bit wordy and awkward to me. I think that if you just start your sentence with Grace never did... it would read much more smoothly. Of course, that could just be personal preference.

mshatch said...

Good call Brooke.

Tara Tyler said...

now i'm home and got to concentrate on your piece. at first i was confused, then i got it. he is attracted to her but doesnt want to be. he will love those freckles later i bet!