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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Drabble #3--The Endless Struggle

The Endless Struggle

Smith vomited on his boots.

The killer’s nest hosted a plethora of women, throats slit, drained of blood. The expert, a kid called Boston, caressed triangles engraved in the bodies.

Smith shuddered; deja vu.

Noticing his angst, Boston’s youthful eyes gleamed.
“Ready for the back room, old man?”

Smith opened the door, a bathtub overflowed with blood.
Boston descended upon him. Smith fought wildly as his head plunged into a dark viscus grave.
No, not again.
The sick personal fountain of youth. 

Wrinkles faded as power emerged.
Smith transformed into youth.
“Till next time, old man,” they whispered to themselves.


Hillary Sperry said...

Whew, I had my own bought of nausea just reading this. Not because of the writing but because of the story. Very descriptive, and super intense! And all in 100 words, well done!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the kind words Hillary! I sincerely apologize for the bought of nausea : )

Unknown said...

Very well done. Highly descriptive. Evoked an emotional response immediately, exactly what art is supposed to do. Nicely done. Keep it up.

Unknown said...

Very good. I liked it a lot. Very nicely written.

Keya Wiggins said...

This is very creative! Such a complex message in so few words. Nice!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ryan, Bryan, and Keya for such nice comments! I really appreciate the feedback. I wasn't sure how people would respond to the imagery. Im so happy you enjoyed the story!

Charity Bradford said...

Agreed, great visuals here. Love that even though this is necessary for him, it still repulses him too.

Huntress said...

Whoa! Absolutely cool last line.

Anonymous said...

Very vivid imagery used - loved how a complex and suspenseful story is told in a short, tense format. Skillfully done!

Anonymous said...

Thank you. Charity - I'm glad you that was evident, I was trying to express for dual mentality of the killer through the two personalities.

Kristin Smith said...

Wow. Gave me the chills just reading it. Well done.