Title: And Jakob Flew the Fiend Away
Genre: Historical fiction, Bildungsroman
Name: Carrie-Anne
Dear Guest Judges,
Jakob DeJonghe can think of nothing but revenge when the Nazis coerce his father into suicide and his little sister mysteriously disappears the day before Yom Kippur. As conditions in Amsterdam worsen, Jakob is determined to fight back and be the master of his own destiny, just as his heroes the Maccabees did in ancient times.
While en route from Westerbork, Jakob finally takes action, jumps from a death train, and breaks his foot. As he’s limping for his life towards a forest, he’s found by four young resistance fighters and taken to a safe house. Even though Jakob has been left with a permanent limp,he’s still determined to defend his country and track down the men who killed his father.
His dream comes true when he joins his new friends’ resistance group, but when he runs into Rachel Roggenfelderon one of his missions, he starts to feel the slow reawakening of emotions he thought he’d buried. After being recruited into the Princess Irene Brigade and made a real soldier, Jakob realizes his battle is only half-won. If he ever wants to survive a world that will never be ordinary again,love and not hate will have to carry him through. And if he finds his dream girl again, this painful readjustment just might be easier.
And Jakob Flew the Fiend Away, a historical fiction Bildungsroman spanning the years 1940-46 and set in the Netherlands and the Dutch East Indies, is complete at 120,000 words.
I have a BA from [redacted] in history and Russian and Eastern European Studies, with a focus on 20th century Russian history and the World War II/Shoah era, and worked in the production room of an Albany,NY-based newspaper, The Jewish World, for five years, writing, researching, and proofreading articles.
Thank you for your time and attention.
5 comments:
Great query. This really flows well. :-)
I find the title confusing. I am not sure how Jakob flies the fiend away, I keep wanting to read Jakob BLEW the Fiend Away. The first paragraph is good, the rest needs some tightening. Acquisitions editors see hundreds of queries in a week. You need to get their attention and then the trick is to hold it. Give them the bones of your story. My suggestion is below:
Jakob DeJonghe can think of nothing but revenge when the Nazis coerce his father to commit suicide and his little sister mysteriously disappears the day before Yom Kippur. As conditions in Amsterdam worsen, Jakob is determined to fight back and be the master of his own destiny, just as his heroes the Maccabees did in ancient times.
Jakob jumps from a death train, and breaks his foot. Desperately fleeing for his life he runs into four young resistance fighters and taken to a safe house. Even though Jakob is crippled from his escape, he’s still determined to defend his country.
His wish comes true when he joins the resistance group. A chance meeting with a young woman on one of his missions awakens emotions he thought he’d buried. After being recruited into the Princess Irene Brigade Jakob realizes his battle is only half-won. If he ever wants to survive a world that will never be ordinary again,love and not hate will have to carry him through.
And Jakob Flew the Fiend Away, a historical fiction Bildungsroman spanning the years 1940-46 and set in the Netherlands and the Dutch East Indies, is complete at 120,000 words.
Hi Carrie-Anne,
This looks like a very interesting story, but I would recommend trimming the length of your query. Cut out anything that isn't critical to catching the editor's attention. Otherwise it is very well-written,which is a good indication to me that the story is well-written.
We wish you best of luck in the querying process!
The title is based off a line in Shakespeare's Sonnet 145, which is worked into the story a couple of times.
Thanks for your input!
Definitely a long query. Remember you don't have to cover all of your story in the query. Keep enough to entice the reader but you can probably trim it back a bit.
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