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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Query Workshop 17--Darkling

Title: DARKLING
Genre: YA Fantasy


Dear Awesome Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Taela does what she has to survive, but she doesn’t think of herself as a murderer. When the sister she idolizes is executed for treason, Taela vows to avenge her death--even if it means killing the kingdom’s only hope for salvation. Some believe renegade leader Hawke is destined to save their land from an ancient evil. To Taela, the drunken ass who charmed her sister and left her to die is no hero.

With the element of surprise on her side, Taela sets out after the seasoned warrior, determined to thrust her dagger into his heart. The road to revenge leads her to the mysterious Darkling Forest where, lost among shape-shifting trees, Taela has disturbing prophetic visions. When a soldier with no soul attacks, she learns innocent men are being turned into drone soldiers for the king’s army. She puts her vendetta aside to make a truce with Hawke. Their fragile alliance will be put to the test when Taela discovers the truth about her sister’s death, and it forever ties Taela’s destiny to the very man she wants to destroy.

DARKLING is a YA Fantasy novel, with series potential, complete at 72,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Kristin Cashore or Leigh Bardugo.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

5 comments:

Lara Schiffbauer said...

I really like the last line! You do a great job of lining out a very interesting conflict! I have to say I like your query. Maybe other people will have more constructive criticism, but it seems pretty clear and interesting to me!

Charity Bradford said...

Wow! I think this is another almost perfect query--for me at least.

Just a few tweaks to tighten.

1. The "she doesn't think of herself as a murderer" doesn't fit for me yet. It almost feels like putting the cart before the ox. Maybe rephrase to something along the lines of--but she never considered murder until her sister is executed for treason. Then continue with her vow.

2. I'd drop "with the element of surprise on her side". Then the only other thing I'd change is to say "souless soldier" instead of "soldier with no soul".

Great query!

Huntress said...

The title pulled me in and the storyline left me enthralled. I want to read this manuscript. Sincerely.

My one and only crit: I would change ‘has’ in the first line to ‘must’.
"Darkling" is on my short list of faves.

mshatch said...

I definitely agree with Charity about the first line and her suggestion for revising. The only other thing I might change is this:

When the sister she idolizes is executed for treason, Taela vows to avenge her death--even if it means killing the renegade leader Hawke, the kingdom’s only hope for salvation.

Good luck with this!

Mary Holm said...

Thank you, everyone for your wonderful comments. I appreciate all your support and encouragement. I'll work on your suggestions.