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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Fade Into Me: Chapter 3

Our second submission comes from Charity, from her YA fantasy Fade Into Me. Caedmon is the narrator of this section: 

Caedmon 

"You look beautiful, Sedonia."

She stood beside a large rhododendron just out of sight of those gathering for her wedding. Her hair was swept up with ringlets breaking free to frame her face. The dress shimmered in the light that danced through the leaves overhead. For a moment I set the magic free, knowing none of the humans would see it anyway. Sedonia’s aura twinkled around her, playfully touching all the life around her.

"I see you brought Kathryn with you." She nodded to my date standing by the waterfall.

"She came on her own, but I'm glad. My time’s up today and I have to accept it."

"Caedmon, I'm sorry you didn't find your Anamchara. Remember, you can still love and be happy."

"You're the best example of that. Are you sure this is what you want? You have a choice."

Sedonia's eyes sparkled. "He's a good man. Kind, honest, and he makes me laugh."

"But you don't have to marry a human. Think of all you're giving up."

"A couple hundred years traded for happiness?"

"You can never come home."

"Then you'd better keep us safe. All my life I'll watch for your influence in the human world. Move them closer to ascension. I know it's in you."

Father joined us and took Sedonia's hand. "It's time. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"I'll see you after." [I didn't want to watch Sedonia release the part of her that made her Abhithian. It was hard enough knowing what it meant. From this day forward she would lead the life of a human, a shorter time on this earth. Life without the ability to feel the life forces flowing through every living thing. She would no longer be able to participate in keeping the balance between creation and destruction.]1

Kathryn and I took our seats. Soon I would have to tell her who I really was. If I was lucky, crossing from the human realm to what we jokingly called the Fae wouldn't drive her insane. Her fiery hair and Irish heritage gave me hope. She had a wonderful imagination and believed in fairies and leprechauns. Maybe the truth wouldn't be too hard for her to accept.

I tried to focus on the arbor up front, but a nervous energy moved through my body. Swirls of color, unseen by the humans around me, rushed up the hill. I’d never experienced such a rush this side of the veil. Something magical called to the colors and I had to know what it was.

Very sad chapter. It's like an ending, although something is coming. 

The only specific thing I noticed is the "1" note: perhaps this would work better as a separate paragraph. 

But the other thing was this felt very static. Because this is taken out of context, it might be a pause between things, and that would be good, but this doesn't feel to me like it's going anywhere. But that's just my impression.

What do you all think?  

1 comment:

Patchi said...

I liked it. It seems to be sequel, a calm before the storm (as the ending implies). If there was action preceding it and things do speed up on the next page, I think this is fine.

BTW, I got caught on one sentence and would suggest removing the words in brackets:

Sedonia’s aura twinkled [around her], playfully touching all the life around her.