Here's a sneak peek at an untitled unfinished work...
Shadows are everywhere, and you never give them a second thought. You should. They think about you all the time. love this. But I'd like it as the opening line on a page by itself, like a quote. Chapter one starts with
“Did you see that?” I spun to the left, but saw only trees and rocks. The sun glittered through the baby green leaves dancing in the wind. Shadows flickered in and out of the light in a dance for dominance.
“See what?” Toni continued power walking along the forest trail.
I ran to catch up with her. “Nothing.”
We powered our way through two more miles of green tinted spring before reaching my car. The plan was for me to drive Toni back to her car at the trail head, but, well I don’t know what happened. One moment she stood waiting for me to unlock the door. And then she was gone.This is telling. I want to know what happened in real time from the moment they reach the car. I'm sure you can draw this out. In fact, I'd like it all drawn out more. Let us get to know these two characters a little more before this terrible thing happens. Let us see what good friends they are before one of them disappears. That way we'll like them and want to find out what happens next.
There was no sound, no cry. Nothing.
I spun around,
but no one was around. The air was eerily quiet. No birds singing. Even the wind had stopped. And yet the shadows danced.
Toni’s car remained in its spot, but no other trace of her could be found. The police impounded my car. To search for traces of blood or something.This bit, too, could be given more details, depending upon how long you intend the work to be.
Why would I kill my best friend? I couldn’t think of a reason and I’m a writer—I make stuff up all the time. Toni always bailed me out of sticky situations. (reliable or unreliable narrator?) like the time my blind date showed up smelling like formaldehyde and looking every bit like a psychotic serial killer.
I wouldn’t have killed her. But what happened?
This is definitely an intriguing beginning, especially those first lines. I imagine every writer has seen a shadow that looked like something else or moved in a way that creeped them out. I know I have! Anyway, I like it. It has potential and I can see it going either short story or something longer. It just needs to be fleshed out :)
Oh, and you can probably see that I imagine it as a longer work, novel length. But someone else might see this completely differently.