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Monday, August 27, 2012

QueryCon #14--The Refugee

Title:  The Refugee
Genre:  Sci-Fi Thriller
Name:  Sam B. Farkas


Dear Editor,

Ross Chambers is used to dodging bullets. All kinds, too, from musket balls to machine-gun fire.

For years he has been the top agent at Hourglass, an underground organization dedicated to “Protecting the Present by Preserving the Past.” Its teams of highly trained time travelers police history, making sure that it unfolds naturally –without interference from terrorists who wish alternate outcomes upon certain events.

When his fiancé perishes in a fire, Ross will do anything to get her back. Even if it means becoming a so-called terrorist himself. But every time he tries, he spirals to a completely different time and place. Like Paris, 1793, where he is mistaken for a long-awaited hero with a knack for depriving the guillotine of its victims.

Rescuing his fiancé is one matter, but saving total strangers is a whole 'nother –a sure-fire way to get himself killed. Not to mention he spent half his life working to maintain history's established melody. But when he sees firsthand that he has power over life and death, he's not so sure if altering the bloodstained past is necessarily a bad thing. It might, in fact, lead to a better world, one person at a time.

But it doesn't take long for his work to gain him unwanted attention from people like Robespierre, and Hitler, and Torquemada –all of whom want him dead. Though not as much as Dr. Lorraine Field, the director of Hourglass. She wants to feed his heart to Aztec gods and strap his corpse to the hull of the Titanic. To her, his daring adventures through time pose a threat to modern society. Changing history is a dangerous game, and the world's timeline cannot depend on the whims of one man – even one like Ross Chambers.

That's why she'll stop at nothing to make sure he's the Most Wanted Man of All Time. Literally.

THE REFUGEE is a sci-fi thriller complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Sam B. Farkas

5 comments:

Krystal Wade said...

This sounds like it might be right up Andrew Buckley's alley (Adult Acquisitions Editor at CQ).

Really intersting!

Nancy M Bell said...

While the query is a bit on the long side, it moves along and makes sense. I would want to look at this one for sure. One thing I would be looking for in the actual manuscript would be historical facts regarding the time periods he travels to. Unless he travels to an alternate world where what actually happened is of no consequence I would be looking for well known events to run true to form. For example, Hitler is not suddenly a good guy, just misunderstood, or things of that nature.

Amy Lichtenhan said...

Hi Sam,

Great first line. And second line.

Your query has a great flow and shows us everything we need to know about your submission. The only thing I would suggest would be to trim the length a bit as it is fairly long.

Wishing you much success!

Laura Stephenson said...

As an avid Sci fi/Fantasy reader, based on this I would pick up your book and read it.

Now there is room for improvement. I like the first line, but the thought of dodging bullets doesn't mesh with the thought process of the paragraph where his fiance burns or the one where he decides whether or not to use his time travelling power in a way he's not supposed to. Only when we get to the next paragraph, where everyone's after him, does it finally make sense to use this line, but by now we've forgotten about it.

Personally, when I see "a whole 'nother" in writing and it's not between quotation marks I cringe. In dialogue it means your character has an accent, but you personally shouldn't be writing out your accent.

And at the end I thought the sudden switch to Dr. Fields's point of view was disorienting.

I hope to see your book on the shelves so I can find out what happens!

abuckley23 said...

Hi Sam,

The premise is solid, I for sure like time travelling adventures with an angle and you have something interesting here. The query hooked me for the first three paragraphs but started to lose me after that. Could use a little tightening up.