SERENITY - critique

This week I'll be critting the first two chapters of Connie Michael's NA Contemporary Romance. You can find her at Loco for Libros. My comments will be in blue and I hope you'll add yours...

SERENITY

I couldn’t believe she showed up drunk or high or hung over or was here at all.  Whatever she was (what was she? This doesn’t make sense to me) she had sniffled and wailed through the entire service, continuously running her hand under her nose to wipe up a stream of snot.  Static had her dress bunched up around her knees and her hair was askew even though I could tell she had tried to do something with it.  What was worse was her current boyfriend, and I use that word loosely, came.  (As written this sentence strikes me as awkward. Maybe just cut the word 'came', since if she's seeing him, he's obviously there.) She hated my grandmother and now she had the audacity to cry at her funeral.

 I hated my mom. Wow, strong statement.

Quill put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me under his oversized umbrella.  I didn’t cry.  I loved grams but I’d ran out of tears years ago.  I couldn’t even remember the last time I cried but I was sure it was connected to my. Connected to my…?

I wouldn’t give her my tears again. Give who tears? Grandma or the hated mother?

“Ren would you like to say anything?” asked the pastor.

I looked over in his direction, my eyes taking a moment to focus.  Quill nudged me with his shoulder. I might reverse the order of these two sentences.

            I shook my head.  “No.  Thank you.”



My thoughts:   I don't know this mc very well yet but in this first page I've learned two things for sure; she loved her grandmother and she's got some serious mom issues. Is this what the story will be about? Her resolving that relationship and becoming less bitter, finding love? And who's Quill? A relative, bf? This is a very emotional beginning.

Your thoughts?

How--QueryCon 2013 Information

If one of your goals in life is to get published, we want to help all we can. Here's HOW.

Do you remember our awesome query extravaganza from last year? You know, that three week event where we had classes on drafting and polishing the perfect query followed by a workshop week where you got to do just that? And the culmination of all that learning and hard work was a week of final queries being judged by our amazing guest judges.

You know that thing that helped match up Tara Tyler and Pop Travel with a publishing contract?

It's coming again this fall.

 

QueryCon--September 2013

So finish up those edits and get ready.

More information to come, but here are a few quick reminders:

• Everyone is invited to participate in the classes and workshop
• Only finished and revised novels qualify for 3rd week final exam by our guest judges (to be announced soon as well)

Where Do You Write?

Over the years my Where has changed many times. At first I didn't have a designated area for my desk, then I did. Even with a designated area I often found that a change of scenery could loosen writer's block and set the words flowing again.

So I guess I'll never be monogomous with my Where.

Others of you may need the comfort of a specific chair facing a certain wall/window/photo/etc in order to slip into writing mode.

It's all good. Remember from yesterday, the important part is that you WRITE.

I've written in doctor's offices, car pool lines, at church, at my kid's recitals (while waiting for it to start!), in the car on long trips, by the pool, on my back porch, sitting at the couch/kitchen table/desk, in my closet in the middle of the night and laying in bed. There were probably a few other places, but you get the idea.

Tell us, WHERE do you prefer to write?

When Do You Write?

When you write can make a difference to the quality of writing. I'm learning this the hard way. You may have to try several plans before you find the right fit. However, the important part is that you write.

 

You have to make the time to write. If you don’t, the writing won’t happen.

• No one is going to come to you and say, “Let me clean your house today and do your grocery shopping so you can write.”
• If you don’t say, “This is my writing time” and turn off the phone and internet, and lock yourself away from your family, TV, whatever it is that distracts you—you will continue to be interrupted and the writing will suffer.
• Fifteen to twenty minutes here and there is better than nothing, but if you’re like me, you need at least that long to remember where you left off and where you’re heading. For this reason, I prefer to get at least an hour block, but two is my goal.
• Be willing to sacrifice for your writing. Get up an hour earlier, skip that sitcom or crime show and write at night, whatever it takes.

Here are my questions for you today...

When do YOU write? What kind of environment do you prefer for writing? Music? Chocolate? Peace and Quiet?

Why Do You Write?

This is a complex question. And the answer may/will change over the course of your writing career. You may also have several reasons for writing all at the same time. The point is to really think about it and figure out the main reasons you write because it will help you keep writing if you can understand your motivation.

Yeah, it's like that. Lot's of people start writing, but not all of them actually finish and move on to publication. Those who continue on the journey have a lot of things pushing them forward--motivation, ambition, passion, determination, etc. All of those things come to you when you have a clear goal in mind and you really KNOW why you want to reach that goal. You could argue that the ambition and passion direct you toward your goal.

Let's make a list of reasons why you write. Everyone chime in!

 

Reasons We Write:

To understand myself better
To share a good story
To help someone forget their troubles
To clear out the voices in my head--aka to get some sleep ;)
To teach
To preach
To make people think
To shock
To discover how the story ends or begins (the backstory)
To help me face my problems
To help the characters solve their problems
To keep from going insane!
To express myself
Because I can't NOT write
It's my passion

Motivation Week Kick-off! Who and What?

This week I thought we could talk about the things that keep us writing. The goal is to help you ask yourself some questions about why you write, what you want to accomplish and how you are going to do that. We'll touch on who, when and where along the way.

Today is easy.

What?

Writing, that's what. Feeling things in your heart, seeing things in your mind, meeting characters and visiting new worlds and then trying to put all of that into words on a page.

 

That's what.

 

Not always as easy as we hope, but always rewarding when we put in the time and effort. Worth it when someone reads a snippet and says, "Is there more?? I need to read more of this!"

 

The second What question will have a different answer for almost each and every one of us.

 

What do you write?

 

Answer for us in the comments! All of us at UB would love to hear from some of you more quiet lurkers. We have big things coming up this fall and we need to know what you write so we can tailor it to fit YOU!



Who?

Well, you of course!

 

If you are here, then you have an interest in writing. All of us have different reasons for writing, different approaches and different goals, but we'll save those for another day. But YOU are a writer. You are WHO is going to accomplish great things, share wonderful stories, make people laugh and cry over your characters.

 

Do it!
Know it!
Believe it!

And when people feel your mind with doubts, sing this song at the top of your lungs.

 

Wilder Mage - Cover Reveal

Subtitle: Shameless Plug 

To all the writers on the road to Published Author; you will hit potholes, speed bumps, and maybe a ditch or two. But all the frustration, heartache, and multiple rejections are Worth It.

Especially when your book comes to life with the first glimpse of the cover. 

Glory be and Hallelujah! 

Yay or Nay Friday

A submission!! *evil laugh* Now it is MY turn to rend and claw.

The sudden brightness of the massive kitchen stunned me. Then, just before my stomach reminded me how hungry I was, the earthy scent of roasting meat overwhelmed my starved senses. My knees felt suddenly weak.

My alter ego, Mistress of Metaphor, wants to insert phrases that would bring this paragraph to life. Allow it to breathe. Yes, like Frankenstein's monster.

My thoughts and suggestions:

Cut 'suddenly'. "My knees felt as if I'd just finished a four-minute mile."

Love 'earthy scent'. 

"I squinted my eyes against the brilliant sunlight pouring through the windows. A massive kitchen, bigger than some dwellings greeted me."

* * * *

What say you?

Cover reveal tomorrow!

It Be Another Day of Yay or Nay

I didn't receive any subs for critique. What? Are you scared? Can't take it? Worried that someone might tear your precious words piece by piece, phrase by phrase, noun from verb?

Yeah. Me too.

Here's another one:

His face changed from slack interest to wide-eyed panic as a varmint reacts to the shadow of an overhead hawk.

*sigh* Beat it now. Mutilate. Stomp it. Grind it into the dirt. Killkillkillkill...

And tomorrow, if I don't receive any submissions, you get to see my book cover reveal. 

Bwhahahahahaha

Yay or Nay – Scenes that Anchor

Today we are beginning a new feature at UnicornBell called Yay or Nay. Submit short phrases or sentences for quick responses in the affirmative or negative.

* * * * 

Anchoring the reader to the scene involves taste, smell, sight, and sound. It is vital to the bonding process, pulling the reader into your world. Your audience does the rest with their imagination. 

Here is my example:

The acrid smell of warm mead hovered over the festivities like a fog. The odor of the horse dung was a sad counterpoint.

Rules: Comment below, Yay or Nay. Add your short phrase and I’ll post it for review.

Point of View

This week I've been talking about the lessons a writer can learn from reading poorly written (or perhaps just poorly edited) books. The kinds of books you find for free on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

One issue that comes up time and again is head hopping. But I'm not an expert on this.

My novels are written in first person. My main character is the only point-of-view character. This is easy for me. It means that some information remains hidden as the main character doesn't know it, but I don't have to worry about whose head I'm in.

But what is the proper way to shift from one point-of-view character to another?

I thought it should only be done at chapters. Or, at least scene breaks. I've seen it done in the middle of scenes, though, and I don't know if that is the way to do it.

So, I'm asking. When is the best time to shift point-of-view? Is there a proper way to do it?

Your Turn

This week I've been talking about free ebooks and the lessons we writers can learn from the bad ones. Or, at least the lessons I learn from the bad books I've read. (We each have our own issues when it comes to our development as writers.)

But that's just me. What about you?

What writing lessons have you learned from bad books you've read (whether free or not)?

What things will cause you not to finish a book?

The Important Back Third

On Monday, Alicia commented: 

I don't generally end up finishing the really bad [books]. I can learn from the good ones as well...and I have precious little time enough to read to be wasting my time reading bad books! :D

And it's true for me too. If a book is really terrible, I won't bother to finish it. But the ones I have finished have taught me another really important lesson.

I downloaded a free novel that had an interesting description. I was enjoying the story. The plot was fairly predictable, but there are many times when I just want something comforting and predictable to read. But a little over halfway through, I noticed something strange.

While before there had been a couple minor typos, towards the end, more typos cropped up. And then there was a glaring grammar error. Then a sentence that didn't quite make sense.

(And then I was whacked upside the head with a ludicrous plot development, but that's beside the point.)

The first two-thirds of the book were pretty well done. The last third looked as if the editor got bored or tired and kind of gave up.

Since then, I've noticed a few books with this same problem. It starts off good. But once I'm into the story and nearing the end, the editing problems start to crop up.

I know it's important to make sure the first chapter is spotless. Beginnings are vital to hooking a reader and keeping him/her reading. But endings are important, too. And the later chapters of a book need just as much care and attention as the earlier ones.

How careful are you with the later chapters of your books?

Naming Mistakes

Last week I downloaded a free ebook that sounded semi interesting. It was about a woman moving to LA to start a new life.

It was short. Something like 50 pages. By page 20, I was done with it.

It started off readable enough. The MC met her love interest in a fairly implausible way, but I was willing to let that slide. But things got worse from there.

The two met up later. They had a conversation. It went something like this (this isn't the conversation; I'm just using it to illustrate my point):

"Mr. Smith, what a nice place this is."

"Ms. Jones, I'm so glad you approve."

"Mr. Smith, I'm curious as to why you asked me here tonight."

"Ms. Jones, I thought you would enjoy a nice night out."

And on and on and on it went. Every single line of dialog had one character referring to the other by name. And not even by their first names! (Although, at one point Mr. Smith did ask Ms. Jones to call him John.) I think I read about two pages of this awful dialog and put the book down, never to be finished.

Although, at least this author made sure each character address was punctuated with a comma. I've noticed in a few different books this particular rule being forgotten.

It's kind of jarring, to be reading along, not seeing any major grammar errors, only to be stopped cold when I see:

"Nathan where are you going?"

Rather than:

"Nathan, where are you going?"

Thinking that it's just a typo. Moving on. And then encountering the same thing again.

Most of the time, I can figure out that one character is being addressed, but there were a couple times when I wasn't quite sure.

But the worst naming error I've come across wasn't a terrible shock. The book was bad. I'm not sure why I continued to read it. Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment. Perhaps it was late and I didn't want to start something new. Perhaps I was in a I'm-going-to-finish-this-one-if-it-kills-me mood.

In chapter two, the character's name was Chrissy. In chapter three, her name was Christy. Same in chapter four. In chapter five, the character's name was Chrissy again.

Don't ask about the plot of that one. Trust me, you don't want to know.

What are some glaring naming mistakes that you've noticed?

The Value of Free

I've been reading a lot of free ebooks lately.

I do so for many reasons. I don't want to commit to a book I might hate. I read a lot. And a lot of the freebies tend to be short. (I have been known to stay up reading until 7 AM if a book sucks me in. This is especially not good on me the next day.)

I find a lot of good writers and good series via this method. Several of my favorite series I only started because book one was free. I've found some wonderful writers I would have been reluctant to try otherwise.

Some self-published authors do an excellent job. Others...not so much.

Which is another good thing about reading free ebooks. The bad books.

What good is reading a bad book? Well, for a writer, it's a valuable teaching tool.

When I read a good book, I tend to get pulled away into the fictional world of the novel. I read. I drift. I enjoy.

When I read a bad book, I think. What is wrong? What's bothering me about the story? How could it be improved? Am I guilty of similar bad writing?

Do you read free ebooks? Or do you shy away from them, fearing that they are all bad?

Personal Think Tank

Quick post...as I'm Dashing out the door. Busy day!

I'm curious though. What do you want to see created? Built? Developed? Brought to LIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!  In regards to our craft. Technology wise.

Anything?

Is there something you thought of in the wee bitty hours of the morning that you went, "Man, writing would be so much easier if I could just...."

Or did you recently watch an episode of Torchwood, and after wiping the drool off your face from eyeballing Barrowman for 45 minutes straight, you thought, "Wow. That gadget would be Really Useful!"

Personally. I want them to develop a way I can e-mail someone a document and I don't have to choose the TYPE of document to send. RFT. PDF.  DOC. DOCx. WRD. QRTY. JKASS. Whatever. I  get so annoyed with this because inevitably the type I choose isn't going to work with wherever I send it. They have a Mac. I don't. They have a typewriter, I have an telegraph. Something to that effect. I want 'them' to figure out how to hit 'attach to e-mail' and THAT'S IT! Just send the stupid thing. BAM! Done! And the person on the other end can open it no problem because THEIR computer is freaking smart enough to figure out what Type of document it needs it to be translated into to read it! *tweak*

Ok. I've had some whiskey. I'm ok now.

So what fantastic new technological advancement have you thought would make huge improvements to our writing craft?

And why hasn't it been done yet?!

Blockage

I know we don't like to talk about it. I know we all like to just pretend that it doesn't exist.
But Foot Fungus is here, and you really should use that cream.

So too for Writer's Block. Wouldn't it be great if there were a cream for that?

Breaking out of writer's block is hard. Generally I set things aside and wait. And wait. Things will stew in my brain, for lack of a better term, all on its own. And suddenly the plot point that was sticking will wake me up at f'ing 2am and not let me get back to bed until I write it down.

However. Sometimes. I find that if I write about something completely different and totally trivial and 'throwaway'. Something that has less importance. Something that doesn't make me feel like the whole balance of a world I'm creating is going to get thrown off kilter if I screw it up. I get my rhythm back.

In the Less Technical Days of Yore, I would sit and write really horrible poetry. Angsty love poems. I was a very angry lover apparently. Or maybe I was just having a string of bad days. Hence the writer's block.

NOW, however, there are some Great sites that you can go to that provide you with writing prompts. For Book ideas even! (If you can't come up with one on your own...) These three are the three that I go to most regularly. Where do you go?

Creative Writing Prompts!

One Minute Writer Blog!

Tumblr Writing Prompts!

My favorite is the tumblr. Mainly because, along with everything else, I'm a very visual person. So seeing a giant picture is great for getting my creative grey matter pulsing.

What do you all do when that giant wall of writer's block doom looms? Besides curl up in a ball, muttering to yourself about the evil leprechauns in super tight pants that stole your brother from his crib.

Should NOT have watched that movie last night....