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Monday, April 27, 2015

Dear Withdrawn Writer

NOTE: Since I am participating in the A to Z Challenge, I am only going to post today and Friday. I’m sorry about this, but I am pooped. I promise more posts the next time it’s my time to host. Xoxo Chrys Fey

Dear Withdrawn Writer,

Writers often put a lot on the back burner to write and to do all the things that writing and publishing entails. Sometimes, without meaning to, we even put family and friends behind our writing. Not long ago I realized that I was doing this and wanted to remedy that.
If you worry that you’re doing the same thing, you can try this:

1. The first thing you can do is send out a mass email to your family members and close friends, or post a status on Facebook, to explain your absence and why you don’t call as much as you should. Let them know about your responsibilities and that you’re not purposefully withdrawing from anyone. I did this a few months ago.
Here’s part of my message:
“This is a blanket message to all of my family and friends who may feel as though I've become distant. And I'm posting it with love. Every day I am writing, editing, blogging, and marketing. You may not know how difficult all of that is, but trust me when I say it's not easy and it's never-ending . . .Because of that I don't make phone calls, send messages or texts as much as I should . . . Anyway, I just want everyone to know that I'm still here...writing, of course, but here all the same and that I appreciate all of you.”
2. If you’re always writing or doing something related to marketing, it’s a good idea to designate a certain time every day to spend with your loved ones at home. This could be breakfast time or dinner time when you sit with your family and talk, or bedtime when you read to your kids or get a little one-on-one time with your significant other.

Image from Wikipedia
At least it's easier to talk on the phone nowadays.

3. Call at least one person a week for a little chat to catch up. Not only will you benefit from having a nice conversation, but your loved ones will love that you’re calling them to hear about their troubles and/or happiness.

4. Set up one day a week to bond with your family such as family game night, movie night, or a pizza party. Your kids and significant other will enjoy this, and having a little fun will erase any of the stress you have and even help you with writer’s block.

5. Plan a fun outing at least once a month. (You can do it every other week.) This doesn’t have to be expensive either. This can be a trip to the library or mall, garage sale hunting, a beach day, a lunch out with your girl friends, or a night at the fair. Every writer needs to get out of the house and have some fun!

By doing 2-3 of these things, you’ll strengthen your relationships, create memories, and de-stress.

QUESTION: Have you withdrawn from your family and friends to write?

Have a writing-related question? Leave a comment and I may turn it into a post right here!

Author of Hurricane Crimes, 30 Seconds, Ghost of Death, and Witch of Death. Blogger. Reader. Auntie. Vegetarian. Cat Lover.

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Tamara Narayan said...

My family won't let me withdraw. The kids will climb all over me and make it impossible to type. So will the cats, come to think of it. No matter how much I want to lose myself in writing, if I'm not home alone, it ain't happenin'.

Lidy said...

I'm always withdrawn but my sons figured out a way around that by hugging and clamping down on my arms so I can't type. The littlest one likes to also climb on me and shower me with kisses. But almost every Friday/Saturday night is pizza and movie night at our house.

Elizabeth Mueller said...

I love what Tamara said, her family doesn't let her withdraw! It is my conscience that does not allow me to withdraw from my family. Even when I'm in the thick of it, I force myself to blog, market, write--whatever--when they are in bed. As for book signings and presentations, well, I haven't done those in a few years and I don't intend to until the time is right.

Elizabeth Mueller
AtoZ 2015
My Little Pony

Chrys Fey said...

@Tamara, that's good! I don't have kids, so I guess it's easier for me to withdraw from everything and just write or market.

@Lidy, good for your sons! :D

@Elizabeth, it's nice that you do what you have to do when they are in bed.

Thanks for commenting, ladies!

Liz A. said...

No, not really. I'm withdrawn as my natural state, so this is nothing new.

The trick is to keep the writing et al to a specific time and if it's not that time, then other interests must be allowed to enter.

Chrys Fey said...

@Liz, sounds like you've got the right idea.

I know I'm not the only one who has withdrawn while writing and working, because I noticed many people mention this as an insecurity for IWSG day recently, but none of those people are stopping by. *sighs* Oh well.

grams ramblings said...

Went out with husband today. It was really difficult leaving my writing stuff which all my family think is something to be done just for my private amusement when I'm at a loose end. It takes me all my time to find the courage to give myself permission to write. Getting better though. Did the napowrimo challenge this month.
See my words at:

Chrys Fey said...

@Marian, it's nice that you went out with your husband today. I can understand that a family can make it hard to write because they don't understand or downgrade what you're doing. Don't stop writing for anything! Well...maybe to spend some time with your loved ones now and again. :)