Each one of us is different. We like different things and it colors how we read and write. This also makes it hard to know how much detail and background tidbits we should add to our writing.
I personally like little snippets that give a glimpse into my characters past--the things that make them who they are at the time of the story. Let me share an example of what I mean.
Here are two snippets from my novel The Magic Wakes.
A
She finished the last signature and pushed the papers toward him. He paused before giving her the pass in his hand.
"I would love to take you to dinner, Miss Zaryn. Show you around Joharadin."
Talia's mouth dropped open for the second time that day. She looked him over, wondering if she could bear to give dating another shot. He looked to be about her height, brown eyed and plain in every way except his build. His muscles barely fit in his uniform, giving him a stiff pained look around the shoulders. Her mind drifted to her school days. Another boy, tall, built, and popular. He asked her out once too. On a dare. The memory still prickled.
"I'm sorry, I can't." She grabbed the pass, and bolted for the security gate.
B
She finished the last signature and pushed the papers toward him. He paused before giving her the pass in his hand.
"I would love to take you to dinner, Miss Zaryn. Show you around Joharadin."
"I'm sorry, I can't." She grabbed the pass, and bolted for the security gate.
Which one do you like better and why?
7 comments:
For me, it actually depends on what POV I'm writing. In third, I prefer a few more background tidbits. For first, I like to keep my writing sparse and fast-paced.
The first, just because it tells me why she's saying no. Of course, if that info was already in the story earlier, then the second would work. (I would write it the second way, myself, but I really need to work on adding detail to things. It's a failing.)
I prefer the first because it tells me about Talia = character development.
Interesting that POV makes a difference for you. I think it's easier to be sparse and fast-paced in 1st because we're already inside someone's head. With 3rd we're a bit removed and there is a need for just a bit more to help the reader relate to the character.
That's exactly why I wrote it that way. I wanted her response to make sense.
:) That's the other reason I included it. This is toward the beginning of the story and I wanted people to get a glimpse into why Talia is the way she is.
The first, definitely the first.
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