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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

#3 Faerie Wings

Title: Faerie Wings
Genre: Urban Fantasy

Today I watched my best friend say 'I do' to a girl wearing a high school cap and gown over her wedding dress. She thought it was cute. The rest of us knew it for what it was—a bid for even more attention.

The worst part was that I had to smile and pretend I was happy about the whole thing. She’d had the nerve to ask me to be her maid of honor.

I pulled my graduation cap off and tossed it on the table. Kevin owed me big time.

I grew restless while they danced with the rest of our graduating class. The music drummed inside my head and all I could think of was getting out. The new bride must have felt the power of my glare, because she sailed off the dance floor to sit by me.

Jessie plunked down beside me. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Headache.” I tapped my temple.

“Whatever. Look, if you need some air feel free to take a walk. We don’t really need you for anything now.” She smirked at me and it took all I had not to smack her.

I watched her return to the dance floor. With the arrival of the bride, the music kicked in with a furry while Kevin melded himself to her side and the crowd cheered. The bass reverberated in my heart and I fled out the back door of the reception hall.


Mark Murata said...

I'm a little confused. The viewpoint character also seemed to wear her graduation cap to the wedding. Is the wedding at the after-graduation party? Even though it's puzzling, I'm not feeling any real tension. The deed's done; the viewpoint character is just expressing moodiness.

Huntress said...

Maybe cut places such as: 'today' in the first paragraph, and 'the worst part was that' in the second. Move into the action quicker.

In the last paragraph, I would cut, 'I watched'. Instead use 'She returned'.

Simple nouns, simple verbs on the first page in other words.

mshatch said...

I like the voice in this piece, and the dialogue. It was short enough that I didn't mind not knowing everything - yet.

words that made pictures in my head: sailed, plunked, smirked.