Tell Us About Your Story #5

Here's another exciting story for us to talk about. My comments are in purple below.

My name is Katie Teller. I'm an Author with Curiosity Quills and this is a MS I'm planning on subbing to them once my trilogy is out. I'm 26, born and raised Aussie but now live in the US. I'm a mother and wife as well as a clerk and student.

Lainey Scott is an academic. Her journey to find the lost city of El Dorado is for that purpose alone, so she can write a strong thesis. But when she adopts three orphaned jaguars her journey seems to take a life of its own. They guide her and her team to the city where Lainey discovers artifacts about Ziyah. 

Ziyah is a believer of the old faith, the faith which if you are discovered practicing it you are exiled. So when the High Judge’s son shows interest in her, a pauper and half-breed, her faith is used against her to force her from the city. 

Lainey and Ziyah’s lives are drawn to each other over the space of time as each sees visions and has dreams of the other. The more artifacts and records Lainey finds about Ziyah, the more alive they become to each other. 

But there is a dark force in the city, sealed in from Ziyah’s time which seeks Lainey’s blood. Both their lives are at stake if they fail to understand one another and vanquish the shadows which lust for their souls. 

City of Gold is a Paranormal Romance which is complete at 113,000 words.

This sounds like it could be really interesting. Especially if the historical part is rich in details from good research.

Lainey Scott is an academic. Her journey to find the lost city of El Dorado is for that purpose alone, so she can write a strong thesis. What does the thesis have to do with it? You don't mention it again so it doesn't seem important. But when she adopts three orphaned jaguars her journey seems to take a life of its own. How is the jaguars leading her different than her finding it on her own? Does she know they are leading her? This could be a good spot to start the paranormal twist. They guide her and her team to the city where Lainey discovers artifacts about Ziyah. This was a little confusing in spots. I think you can combine the first two sentences into one. Something like: Lainey Scott's search for El Dorado is strictly academic. Also, I think you need a bit more than "about" Ziyah. I thought it was a place at first, not a person. 

Ziyah is a believer of the old faith, the faith which if you are discovered practicing it you are exiled. So when the High Judge’s son shows interest in her, a pauper and half-breed, her faith is used against her to force her from the city. I don't think you need any of this for the pitch. It sort of muddles the focus. It's important for the story though.

Lainey and Ziyah’s lives are drawn to each other over the space of time as each sees visions and has dreams of the other. The more artifacts and records Lainey finds about Ziyah's life, the more alive they become to each other. You were talking and focusing on Lainey the first half of the sentence and then you switched to both of them. Stay focused on Lainey and it's easier for the reader to get where you're going. Something like: "The more aritfacts and records Lainey finds about Ziyah's life, the more real she becomes." Then to get across that the story jumps POVs and time frames you can add a line about Lainey seeing through Ziyah's eyes/through dreams/ or whatever it is that happens in your story. 

But there is A dark force lays hidden in the city, sealed in from Ziyah’s time, and now it which seeks Lainey’s blood. Why? Both their lives are at stake if they fail to understand one another and vanquish the shadows which lust for their souls. But one of them has already been dead for hundreds (thousands?) of years. How will Ziyah be affected? Why does it want Lainey? Will her blood free it to roam the earth? We need to know what the stakes are.  

City of Gold is a Paranormal Romance which is complete at 113,000 words. This seems a bit long, but I could be wrong. Somewhere between 80k-100k? I haven't check averages in a while though so this might be fine. 

What do you think? Would you read this and why?

Tell Us About Your Story #4

And pitch #4. A little steampunk anyone? My comments are in purple at the bottom.

Dr. Jekyll is tired. He's tired of living in these blasted floating dirigibles. He's tired of keeping these Half human-Half Clockwork useless creations working in a mobile lab with sub-standard equipment. He's tired of horrible tea. But he'll be damned if he's going to acquiesce and bow to her wishes, just like in University! All this fuss over a simple misunderstanding... 

Dr. Jekyll is terrorizing Victoria's England. And she's furious. She's amassed the strongest Automaton armies in history, and still he persists. He refuses her demands for parlay. And refuses her requests to tea. If he keeps this up, she doesn't care what happened at University, she's bringing out the big guns. 

Owen Straff, Detective Inspector First Class, is set the impossible task of saving the Empire from one of the worst threats to cross their boarders. First he must bury, or confront, the ghosts of his past life. Depending on the way he chooses will decide the fate of the Empire. Can these three find common ground and build the Solid Empire that ultimately they all want? Or will it all spiral down into chaos, leaving the Empire vulnerable to an even bigger threat that only one of them has yet to glimpse.

I've been in a steampunk state of mind lately so this had me squealing with delight.

Dr. Jekyll is tired. He's tired of living in these blasted floating dirigibles. He's tired of keeping these Half human-Half Clockwork useless creations working in a mobile lab with sub-standard equipment. He's tired of horrible tea. But he'll be damned if he's going to acquiesce and bow to her wishes, just like in University! All this fuss over a simple misunderstanding... Okay, I'm not going to be good on this one because I loved this whole paragraph. There's voice and things to peek my interest. My favorite line is about the tea. It just oozes personality. 

Dr. Jekyll is terrorizing Victoria's England. I would rearrange this so you start with Victoria. At first I didn't realize we had switched POVs. And she's furious. She's amassed the strongest Automaton armies  army in history, and still he persists. He refuses her demands for parlay. And refuses her requests to tea. Love the tie in about tea. If he keeps this up, she doesn't care what happened at University, she's bringing out the big guns. Interesting. It seems they see their shared University experience differently. Looks like a lovely misunderstanding indeed.

Owen Straff, Detective Inspector First Class, is set the impossible task of saving the Empire from one of the worst threats to cross their boarders. First he must bury, or confront, the ghosts of his past life. Depending on the way he chooses will decide the fate of the Empire. I'd swap this sentence around to make it stronger and more active: The fate of the Empire rests on his decision/choice. Can these three find common ground and build the Solid Empire that ultimately they all want? Or will it all spiral down into chaos, leaving the Empire vulnerable to an even bigger threat that only one of them has yet to glimpse. I don't like this last paragraph as much as the first two. It seems too vague and doesn't have that voice I liked above. Is there a way to leave Owen out of it and focus on the first two? I know as a query we need to keep things simple. I'm guessing that Owen is the only one that's glimpsed the bigger threat and that's why he's mentioned? 

I don't think you need the last paragraph since I'd read more just from the first two paragraphs.  

What do you think? Would you read this and why?

Tell Us About Your Book #3

Continuing on with our pitches. My comments are in purple at the bottom.

50 Word description about me:
My name is Elizabeth Poole, a.k.a. the Liz with the Zombies. I write fantasy, urban or otherwise, for adult. I am currently seeking representation. I blog about anything shiny enough to catch my fancy at: http://writerelizabethpoole.blogspot.com/

Zombie Road Trip Pitch: The Really Rough and Crappy Version
When Lilah Reynolds goes to Dragon*Con, she's pretty sure the worst thing that can happen is a sugar high lasting for days (and frankly, she can live with that). But when a horde of honest-to-goodness zombies starts chewing on the con-goers, she’s forced to do the unthinkable: use her powers of necromancy in public.

Lilah gathers her survival group—a pregnant werewolf, a surprisingly useful jock, her nerdy twin brother, and of course, her best friend and fellow necromancer Cassidy—and embarks on a road trip to set up anti-zombie rituals. She hopes the strange pull she feels to these quirky attractions will translate into magical power she can tap. Along the way she runs into every problem imaginable—survivors who see necromancers as the problem rather than the solution, the world’s worst traffic ever, the lack of any fast food restaurants being open—as well as a few unimaginable problems, like a vampire who’s running a dangerous con on a demon loan shark.

Or the fact that Cassidy is in league with said vampire, in a vain attempt to bring her daughter back from the dead.



50 Word description about me:
My name is Elizabeth Poole, a.k.a. the Liz with the Zombies. I love this because there are so many Liz bloggers! I write fantasy, urban or otherwise, for adults. I am currently seeking representation. I blog about anything shiny enough to catch my fancy at: http://writerelizabethpoole.blogspot.com/

Zombie Road Trip Pitch: The Really Rough and Crappy Version LOL, this made me smile. We all start somewhere and this wasn't bad at all!
When Lilah Reynolds goes to Dragon*Con, she's pretty sure the worst thing that can happen is a sugar high lasting for days (and frankly, she can live with that). Love the voice here. Don't know if you need the parenthesis. Anyone know? But when a horde of honest-to-goodness zombies starts chewing on the con-goers, she’s forced to do the unthinkable: use her powers of necromancy in public. Nice! Now I'm curious what these powers actually are and how they will help her. An agent might want to know a detail or two about that. 

Lilah gathers her survival group—a pregnant werewolf, a surprisingly useful jock, her nerdy twin brother, and of course, her best friend and fellow necromancer Cassidy—and embarks on a road trip to set up anti-zombie rituals. She hopes the strange pull she feels to these quirky attractions will translate into magical power she can tap. Along the way she runs into every problem imaginable—survivors who see necromancers as the problem rather than the solution, the world’s worst traffic ever, the lack of any open fast food restaurants being open—as well as a few unimaginable problems, like a vampire who’s running a dangerous con on a demon loan shark. What attractions? Are there specific places she's going to do the rituals? What power does she hope to tap into and again, how will it help her? Once again, I love the voice through out this paragraph. A pregnant werewolf and a demon loan shark? Awesome.

Or the fact that Cassidy is in league with said vampire, in a vain attempt to bring her daughter back from the dead. Dun dun DUUUNNNN!!

What do you think? Would you read this and why?

Tell Us About Your Book #2

Here's another pitch for today. Once again, my thoughts are in purple at the bottom.

About me:
I'm a research scientist working at a private foundation. I work with science-fiction in test tubes. I write sci-fi romance that lacks the standard tropes of alien invasions and the end of the world.

Pitch for The Legacy of the Eye: 
Like all children on Demia, David was sent to the Academy at the age of two to be raised without concepts like marriage and family. The planet is dedicated to academic pursuits, colonized according to Plato's Republic. Sixteen years later, David’s excitement towards graduation overshadows his apprehension of finally learning his parents’ identity.

But when David notices the tiny tattoo hidden beneath his girlfriend's hair, he is convinced Catrine is next in line for a hereditary throne that should not exist on their school-planet. David is appalled that a single family has been ruling in secret since colonization. Demia is the center of knowledge in the galaxy. It is supposed to value merit, not birthright.

Then David discovers his parents are conspiring to crown him the first king of Demia by marrying him to Catrine. Loving her will bind him to a deceitful government David is unsure he can change from within. His leadership skills might be better employed bringing peace to the turmoil at the other end of the galaxy. But can Demia prosper without him? And how long can he evade those who are determined to lure him home? Catrine might just be the bait he cannot resist.

I really can't wait until this is in book form. It's been fun seeing bits of it over the last few months. I've marked this with all the questions the pitch made me ask. This is just to give an idea of what one person might think as they read it. Hopefully I'm asking the right questions, which you by no means have to answer. ;) That's why I read the book. 


About me:
I'm a research scientist working at a private foundation. I work with science-fiction in test tubes. I write sci-fi romance that lacks the standard tropes of alien invasions and the end of the world. This is great because it firmly sets you in a position to talk science and lets the person you're talking to know you understand how you are different from other sci-fi romance.

Pitch for The Legacy of the Eye: 
Like all children on Demia (Love this name, but I always read it Demaria, which is a planet in my novel.), David was sent to the Academy at the age of two to be raised without concepts like marriage and family. The planet is dedicated to academic pursuits, colonized according to Plato's Republic. Sixteen years later, David’s excitement towards graduation overshadows his apprehension of finally learning his parents’ identity. I'm curious about this part because later you talk about him being married off. If you are raised without concepts of marriage wouldn't you look at love differently. Would he even care about who is parents are? Maybe clarify why/how being on Demia is important in the scheme of marriage or at least let us know if the rest of the galaxy believes in marriage. 

But when David notices the tiny tattoo hidden beneath his girlfriend's hair, he is convinced (or recognizes?) Catrine is next in line for a hereditary throne that should not exist on their school-planet. David is appalled that a single family has been ruling in secret since colonization. Demia is the center of knowledge in the galaxy. It is supposed to value merit, not birthright. I'm assuming other planets/colonies do have hereditary rule and that causes problems and thus the reason this bothers David.

Then David discovers his parents are conspiring to crown him the first king of Demia by marrying him to Catrine. What does he think about that? Even if he liked her, would he ever have considered marrying her if all this other stuff hadn't come up? Loving her will bind him to a deceitful government David is unsure he can change from within. His leadership skills might be better employed bringing peace to the turmoil at the other end of the galaxy. But can Demia prosper without him? And how long can he evade those who are determined to lure him home? Catrine might just be the bait he cannot resist.

I like how you concentrated on David without giving us Catrine's side. I want to know her side, but that makes explaining too complicated. Great job staying focused!

What do you think? Would you read this and why?

Tell Us About Your Book #1

There's still time to send in a quick pitch for your current WIP. It can be up to 200 words and doesn't have to be formal at all. Simply talk to us. Tell us about your story. Send them to unicornbellsubmissions @ gmail.com

Here's the first one for your consideration. It's a more formal pitch tone. Sort of like the elevator pitch you might use at a conference. My thoughts are in purple at the bottom.

The last thing 17-year old Kassandra Dyer remembers is falling from Towers Mountain while hiking with her family. When she wakes up in the dark it’s seven years later. Now Kass has to remember what happened: how she fell, where she went, and what it will take to get back home – if she can. If she even wants to. Because the more she discovers about her lost years the less she likes the person she became.

This intrigued me right away. The part that really pulled me in was that she might not want to go home. Why? I must find out.

The last thing 17-year old Kassandra Dyer remembers is falling from Towers Mountain while hiking with her family. When she wakes up in the dark (I don't think the dark is important here) it’s seven years later. Now Kass has to remember what happened: how she fell, where she went, and what it will take to get back home – if she can. If she even wants to. Love this! Because the more she discovers about her lost years the less she likes the person she became. And this! She just woke up but she's lived 7 years of life in a strange place that she doesn't remember? Cool.

Another thought/question. Was Kass only 10 when she fell?

What do you think? Would you read this and why?

Dear Readers, With Love, Me

Dear Follower,

You've been very quiet lately. How are you? Is life keeping you busy and making it hard to find time to write? I've missed getting to talk to you about your story, and I hope it's going well for you.

I've been keeping busy too. There's this great writer's group in my town that I've joined up with. We meet in this cute frozen yogurt shop and take turns reading bits from our works in progress. The first time I read was so scary! I was sweating and my mouth was dry. I could feel the heat reddening my face. My eyes stayed glued to my computer screen the whole time because I was afraid to see their reaction. But you know what? I finally get why it's so important to read your work out loud. 

Last week someone at writer's group asked me about The Magic Wakes and I bungled through some explanation. It wasn't very good and it should have been as much as I've talked about my book the last month. However, my bungling gave me an idea. I want to hear how you are doing, and I want to hear about your story. So...

Please email me a 50 word introduction to yourself and then a 200 word pitch for your book. It doesn't have to be a finished book. Just practice telling me about your main character and main plot. It'll help with that query later on and if you practice saying it out loud you'll be able to tell anyone who asks about your story. 

Sound good? Oh, and in case you forgot, my email is unicornbellsubmissions @ gmail.com. I'll post your pitches and all of us at UB can share our thoughts on how well it works. Send them to me by midnight Monday night and I'll post themTuesday-Friday.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Your's truly,

Charity Bradford

Researching Small Presses

It's a brave new world in publishing. Traditional wisdom used to be that you must get an agent in order to land a publishing contract, but the e-book revolution has opened the door for independent authors and publishers to compete with the Big Six Publishers. Although there is nothing wrong with getting an agent and going the traditional route, that's no longer the only option for serious authors.

Who should submit directly to publishers?

Submitting directly to publishers may be a good choice for you if you have a quality product that beats to it's own drum. Smaller publishers are often more likely to take a risk on something new or different. Direct to publisher submissions are great for:

• Emerging genres like New Adult
• Genre blends or anything that is "hard to shelve"
• All things quirky, offbeat, and innovative
• Novels that appeal to niche markets
• LGBT & Multicultural
• Romance & erotica
• Anything of quality that never found a good agent match
• Anyone who has self-published or is considering self-publishing

Where to submit?

In my experience, the search for a publisher was more complicated than the search for an agent. The available databases are not as reliable or complete. Not all publishers accept unagented submissions. And not all publishers may be right for your work. This may change as direct to publisher submissions become more common. Here are some places to find publishers:

www.writersmarket.com

Sapphire Star Publishing

www.querytracker.net

Also, don't forget to try a good old-fashioned Google search. This is how I found my publisher, Curiosity Quills Press. I Googled "New Adult Publisher" and guess who I found? You may also try "publishers accepting unagented submissions" or a similar search to find lists created by other bloggers. Here are two such lists right here:

http://naalley.blogspot.com/p/publishing.html

http://sharonbayliss.blogspot.com/2012/04/list-of-publishers-seeking-submissions.html

How do I know if they are good?

Before you query and certainly before you sign, you should research potential publishers. 

First, make sure they're not scammers. You can make sure they're not rotten by looking for them on websites like this:

Crescent Moon Press

Better Business Bureau
Writer Beware Blog
Absolute Write Water Cooler
Publishers Marketplace
Predators and Editors

If they are a traditional royalty paying publisher (meaning they pay you and never the other way around) and they don't have bad press all over the web, then they're probably at least not a scam. But of course, this is your baby we're talking about. You need to make sure they're right for you. Here are more steps you can take:

• Google search. Simple but effective.
• Talk to one of their authors. Authors are just like you and me (in fact they are exactly like you and me) and most will be happy to answer your questions. If you don't feel comfortable approaching one, stalk their authors' blogs and Facebook pages to make sure they are happy campers.
• Use advanced search on Amazon to search by publisher. It's a simple way to see their whole catalog. Make sure you like their covers and that your book would fit in their catalog.

If you're offered a contract and don't have an agent, you'll probably be really happy but also completely freaking out. Here are more steps to handle your inevitable freak out:

• Repeat the steps above. :)
• Talk to your friends who have publishing contracts and compare terms (if they're comfortable with this)
• Have a lawyer review the contract.
• Read How To Be Your Own Literary Agent: An Insider's Guide to Getting Your Book Published  
• Take your time. A good publisher won't rush or pressure you.
• Ask questions. A good publisher will be happy to answer any questions you have. It also gives you a preview of how easy it is to work with them and get your questions answered.
• Follow your gut and do what feels right.

I've been through the process of signing with a publisher without an agent, so feel free to ask any questions in comments!

Calling All Followers With Completed Manuscripts

We've been sitting on something here at UB.

Well, yeah, that too, but I'm talking about something new for our little blog.

Something we've been dreaming of doing.

Something with YOU in mind.

The time has finally arrived to fill you in on our plan to take over the world!

*cough* *cough*

Sorry, not that plan.
What plan? We aren't plotting to take over the world so just stop already.
Now, where were we?
Oh yes. The plan to help you wonderful followers get some quality feedback on your work.

We are excited to announce the School's In Query Contest!

We are devoting most of August to queries: how to's, examples, workshops and the query process in general. The last week of August we will have three wonderful guest judges reading all polished queries for FINISHED manuscripts.

Krystal Wade from Curiosity Quills
Andrew Buckley from Curiosity Quills
Nancy Bell from MuseItUp Publishing
Amy Lichtenhan from SapphireStar Publishing
Donna O'Brien from Crescent Moon Press

If they like what they see, they may request pages and who knows where that may lead you?

There will be more info coming over the next few weeks, but we wanted to give you time to comb through that MS one more time. Maybe even get one more beta reader? Here's what these ladies said they are looking for right now.

Krystal--I love older mc's (18+)! I'd like to see some good dystopian, more male mc's too, and then of course anything scifi/fantasy/paranormal with something new and unusual.

Andrew--I’m looking for adult fiction be it paranormal, sci-fi, fantasy, urban fantasy and/or anything quirky or humorous. No YA or NA please. I like strong protagonists with a unique voice and wonderfully evil antagonists. Please, please, please, no in-your-face sword and sorcery type pieces. They’ve been known to cause sharp pains in my posterior. I’m also looking for cookies. Oatmeal raisin are my favorite.

Nancy--MuseItUp is looking for more dark fiction, horror, as we are light in that department. However, romance, historical romance, YA/MG from a male POV that will entice that sector. Of course, we are open to anything that is well written and crafted. We don't publish literary fiction or poetry.

Amy--We're especially interested in contemporary romance and paranormal romance at this time, although we are accepting submissions in all fiction categories.

Donna--Currently, we are looking for voice rather than specific genre requirements, though we
are primarily a boutique publisher of high quality fantasy, futuristic, and paranormal fiction. We are interested in urban fantasy, dystopian, futuristic science fiction, steampunk, mind-bending time travel, space operas, mythological as well as historical retellings with a twist, epic high fantasy, and the paranormal. We are also interested in paranormal categories of suspense, thrillers, gothica, and mystery. CMP also accepting submissions in the YA and New Adult categories of the above mentioned genres.

If you are interested in playing, what questions do you have about the contest? 
Please email them to unicornbellsubmissions@gmail.com and I'll post and answer all of them for our Friday post. 


...And for anyone who might be interested, look what I found on Google.

Book trailers: where to begin?

Thank you to Huntress and my fellow UBs for letting me kick of my mini blog tour here at Unicorn Bell!

I just launched my first Kickstarter project last night. One of the most important parts of a Kickstarter project is the video. Projects without one have poor success rates. It does not have to be anything fancy -- the website has a cheesy how-to video of their own to assure you of that -- but it does need to be interesting, informative, and "you," as they say.

What you're doing is, essentially, query-pitching the whole world. Like a query, a book trailer needs to lay out the conflict, the main character, and what's at stake. It needs to show the viewer what to expect in terms of tone and style, too.

Use your query
One of the most famous texts in a movie, the opening crawl in Star Wars, is only 88 words long. Bear that in mind. Images are far more efficient, so save those words for what you can't get a picture of.

That query that you put so much work into is a good place to start. You've already distilled your story down to a conflict, a character, and the stakes. Those are what you want to communicate in your book trailer. Which parts are words and which are images, that's for you to work out.

Storyboard
This is how you work it out. A storyboard, in the movie industry, is like a comic book of the movie. Its purpose is to succinctly describe the camera shots and the movement of people and things inside those shots.

Write out your storyboard, from beginning to end. Use text, or use stick figures and arrows to indicate movement. This will force you to work out the entire sequence. It may help to jaunt over to YouTube to watch some trailers and try sketching out the storyboards for them as practice.

Finding photos and fonts
If you have drawing skills, if you have photography skills, if you have a video camera and a handful of brave friends, GO FOR IT. For the rest of us, there's stock photography, fancy fonts and compromise. The chances you're going to find the perfect image of your hero or heroine on a stock photography site is slim. (But hey, you never know.) So be ready to settle for general accuracy rather than specifics.

On stock photography: get an account, buy some credits, read the license agreement. You're making a video presentation, which on all the sites I've seen means you can use the basic agreement and pay only the listed price of the photo. The extended license is for photos you are going to put on something you sell, or other specific situations.

Out of the pay sites, I use istockphoto.com because while it's more expensive than some, the pictures are better quality. Out of the free sites, I use sxc.hu because it's been around for a long time and has a good selection. Though its search function could be better.

Fonts: there are a million free font sites out there. I use abstractfonts.com because I like their ability to sort by multiple style tags -- "handwriting" and "horror" for example.

Then what?
I'm going to need a second post if you want details about video editing software and basic animation techniques (do you want details?)

But here's the most important part: don't think that you can't. You are a writer. You already have an eye for detail and the ability to clearly picture what you want to communicate. To be honest, those are the two skills no book can teach you. The rest is just learning how to use the tools.

DISCIPLE, PART I: For Want of a Piglet, is a gritty fantasy romance. There will be six parts total. See the book trailer, the back cover copy, and a sample at  my Kickstarter project! Backers' gifts include e-books, promotional bookmarks, and paperback editions of the final novel.

This miniature blog tour is to promote the fundraising project. You can also stop by my blog for a full index of all the stops.