When I critique another’s chapters, I leave comments such as
‘use simple verbs, simple nouns’.
My reasoning is clear. Keep the message simple so the reader
isn’t looking through a mesh of adverbs and adjectives.
This is especially
important on the first page.
Look at it this way. You are introducing me to a stranger. I
know nothing about this person and it is up to you to tell me without overburdening me with unnecessary detail. I’m already in an unfamiliar
place, surrounded by tension from unknown sources. Don’t flood me with information.
At this time, Voice is more important than descriptions.
Avoid the wishy-washy phrases such as “The car seemed to drift to the
right” “People tend to
say the stupidest things when confronted by a moose” and “Cotton fabric sort of wicks the
moisture away”. Either they do or they don’t. Take a stand, dang it.
Another no-no is flamboyant phrases that Explain Too Much.
How would you re-write this
sentence?
“The vole was huddled in frozen terror under the crumbling
bark of a fallen tree.”
The rules to that all-important first page:
- Simple nouns
- Simple verbs
- Voice as opposed to Descriptions
Now go forth
and show me your edit.
4 comments:
eek... I wrote a first draft a year ago, promptly got terrified and put the thing away. Maybe it's time to unearth and simplify. Good advice
Lx
kiss, right?
but then i hear i need more descriptive words...i guess it depends on the action
the above sentence is described in effective detail, but if the scene isnt important then, "the frightened vole hid in a log."
"The vole huddled in terror beneath a fallen tree."
I tend to be verbose however :)
........dhole
I'm a big advocate of cutting out the non-committal phrases.
Don't start to cross the room. CROSS IT! The only time you should "begin" to do something is if half way through the action, something else more exciting interrupts it.
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