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Thursday, March 1, 2012

First Line Submissions

Here are our first line submissions. In the comments, tell us which ones grabbed your interest and why.

1. I remember falling.

2. To a ghost, telling a lie is like dancing a tango. Lots of fun but even better with an audience.

3. Footsteps thumped over Kierra's head.

4. The wind rustled the flowers in my hands.

5. She found the key under his bed.

6. The overcast sky pressed into the ground heavy with humidity, pollen, and insects.

7. Eight hours of freedom. That's all I had left when the call came in. 

8. Time, it flows and ebbs relative to perspective.

9. This year on the day of ascension, I'm supposed to stand before the Abhithian high council and marry a human.

12 comments:

Huntress said...

1. I remember falling.

A lot said in three words. I would read on.

2. To a ghost, telling a lie is like dancing a tango. Lots of fun but even better with an audience.

I have a conflict of interest with this one :)

3. Footsteps thumped over Kierra's head.

I don’t have enough information for a decision. This is fairly ambiguous.

4. The wind rustled the flowers in my hands.

Ditto this entry. Not enough information.

5. She found the key under his bed.

As with the first entry, there is a lot said in very few words. I want more. Why was she looking for the key and how does the guy come into the story.

6. The overcast sky pressed into the ground heavy with humidity, pollen, and insects.

I’m on the fence with this one. It places me into the scene. I can feel the humidity and want to flip the bugs off my arm. I would read on.

7. Eight hours of freedom. That's all I had left when the call came in.

Conflict of interest again but this makes me sit up and take notice. I want to know why he has eight hours left.

8. Time, it flows and ebbs relative to perspective.

Very deep. I love well written literary. I would read on to discover more.

9. This year on the day of ascension, I'm supposed to stand before the Abhithian high council and marry a human.

Oh, heck yes. More, more but I wasn’t into this beginning until the last three words.

Huntress said...

Note the Writing Tip of the Day to the right :)

LOL. Great advice and so very timely, don't you think?

Rachel Schieffelbein said...

These were all pretty good. The one that got me the most was #5. It's so simple, but it definitely makes me want to know more!

Brewed Bohemian said...

I liked many of these but was intrigued by #2 and #6.

Tara Tyler said...

my humble thots:
1 - good
2 - funny!
3 - needs emotion
4 - nice imagery
5 - great mystery!
6 - nice setting, maybe too much, could use a character's voice on it
7 - awesome! i expect action! love action!
8 - sorry, needs more
9 - another slap you in the face opening! great! (just take out the day of ascention, tell me about that later)

now i need to re read mine and tweak!

Alicia C. said...

#2 "To a Ghost... " - I liked this one because it sets you up for a twisty turn-y story. Possibly lots of humor and red herrings thrown in.

#7 "Eight hours.." Gonna be fast paced! The time line has been set. Action! Adventure! Page turner!

#1 "I remember falling" - Wide open. Amnesia? Is that ALL the narrator remembers? Why the fall?

#5 "She Found..." Conflict!

#3 "Footsteps thumped.." - Is she hiding? Is she in danger?

#9 "This year..." - Agree. Almost lost me on this one, until the last bit. Which is a good thing. Kind of like a shot in the middle of the forehead. Doot de doo...BAM!

Charity Bradford said...

I always give a read a page or two and almost always the first chapter. So, I would definitely read on for all of these. Here are my thoughts on the first lines.

1. I love the simplicity here and agree with all that was said above.

2. It's the voice that gets me in this one. The lines are quirky and I like me a good quirky read.

3. I'm not sure what's going on in this one. Is someone upstairs and they shouldn't be?

4. Same here. This person could be at a funeral, or just standing in a field of flowers.

5. Ooo, a mystery. What does the key go to? Lot's of questions come up with this sentence.

6. Starting with setting is hard, but I like this one as long as it gets to people soon.

7. No comment. ;)

8. I like the "flow" of this (LOL), but it could be about anything.

9. No comment here either other than, "thanks! you solved my problem." I'll just take out "day of ascension" and it finally feels right.

Thanks for all your comments!

Angela Brown said...

1. I remember falling. - I'm intrigued enough to want to read on so I can see if it's about falling in love or falling off a cliff.

2. To a ghost, telling a lie is like dancing a tango. Lots of fun but even better with an audience. - This ghost seems a bit mischievous. I want to know more. Would read on.

3. Footsteps thumped over Kierra's head. - I'm waiting for more so not quite sure if I'd read on.

4. The wind rustled the flowers in my hands. - Pretty but doesn't give me much to push me forward.

5. She found the key under his bed. - This is just ridiculous. How could the author leave me hanging like this. What key? Who's key? A key to what? Is he cheating? Do I need to join up with this woman and double team this guy? Okay, suffice it say this one would definitely make me read on.

6. The overcast sky pressed into the ground heavy with humidity, pollen, and insects. - Again, pretty but doesn't drive me forward to read on.

7. Eight hours of freedom. That's all I had left when the call came in. - Nice, well, not nice for the character. I would read on for sure

8. Time, it flows and ebbs relative to perspective. - I feel I am about to jump into a classic. Not sure if I would read on but I think it's a nice observation.

9. This year on the day of ascension, I'm supposed to stand before the Abhithian high council and marry a human. - I'm not sure how to pronounce Abhithian for sure, but I get the feeling it doesn't want to marry a human. I would like to read more.

Admittedly, #5 is my favorite. Short and striking.

mshatch said...

Have to agree that #5 is the standout - but if I'd picked any of these books up I'd give it at least a page before I put it back on the shelf.

mshatch said...

ps tough to tell the genre of these by the single sentence - except for #9 which is either scifi or fantasy or both!

Some pretty cool first sentences here overall, I think :)

Brooke R. Busse said...

My favorites:

#2: Great voice. I love quirky things like this.

#7: Feels like the best kind of dystopian.

#9: The MC is marrying a human, and obviously isn't one. Why?

Donna Hole said...

I'm only posting the one's that grabbed me:

#1 I'm intrigued to think there is some relevant, intriguing reason why he/she has lost all but the active memory.
#2 Introduces character, genre, and intrigue.
#5 I want to know who "she" is, what is the importance of the key, and who "he" might turn out to be. This is a mystery that, if properly developed, could intrigue a reader of almost any genre.
#7 Not awesome, but somehow tweaks my interest enough to read a bit further. Its an uncomfortable line, so must be investigated.

......dhole