tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post8554732052247972919..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: First Line SubmissionsHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-15963468503603704542012-03-02T00:34:24.457-06:002012-03-02T00:34:24.457-06:00I'm only posting the one's that grabbed me...I'm only posting the one's that grabbed me:<br /><br />#1 I'm intrigued to think there is some relevant, intriguing reason why he/she has lost all but the active memory.<br />#2 Introduces character, genre, and intrigue.<br />#5 I want to know who "she" is, what is the importance of the key, and who "he" might turn out to be. This is a mystery that, if properly developed, could intrigue a reader of almost any genre.<br />#7 Not awesome, but somehow tweaks my interest enough to read a bit further. Its an uncomfortable line, so must be investigated.<br /><br />......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-9063591178436059672012-03-01T20:20:22.402-06:002012-03-01T20:20:22.402-06:00My favorites:
#2: Great voice. I love quirky thin...My favorites:<br /><br />#2: Great voice. I love quirky things like this.<br /><br />#7: Feels like the best kind of dystopian.<br /><br />#9: The MC is marrying a human, and obviously isn't one. Why?Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-41185081123086586402012-03-01T18:54:14.782-06:002012-03-01T18:54:14.782-06:00ps tough to tell the genre of these by the single ...ps tough to tell the genre of these by the single sentence - except for #9 which is either scifi or fantasy or both!<br /><br />Some pretty cool first sentences here overall, I think :)mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-74974535691033495602012-03-01T18:52:49.686-06:002012-03-01T18:52:49.686-06:00Have to agree that #5 is the standout - but if I&#...Have to agree that #5 is the standout - but if I'd picked any of these books up I'd give it at least a page before I put it back on the shelf.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-81261112743933272372012-03-01T17:15:46.046-06:002012-03-01T17:15:46.046-06:001. I remember falling. - I'm intrigued enough ...1. I remember falling. - I'm intrigued enough to want to read on so I can see if it's about falling in love or falling off a cliff.<br /><br />2. To a ghost, telling a lie is like dancing a tango. Lots of fun but even better with an audience. - This ghost seems a bit mischievous. I want to know more. Would read on.<br /><br />3. Footsteps thumped over Kierra's head. - I'm waiting for more so not quite sure if I'd read on.<br /><br />4. The wind rustled the flowers in my hands. - Pretty but doesn't give me much to push me forward.<br /><br />5. She found the key under his bed. - This is just ridiculous. How could the author leave me hanging like this. What key? Who's key? A key to what? Is he cheating? Do I need to join up with this woman and double team this guy? Okay, suffice it say this one would definitely make me read on.<br /><br />6. The overcast sky pressed into the ground heavy with humidity, pollen, and insects. - Again, pretty but doesn't drive me forward to read on.<br /><br />7. Eight hours of freedom. That's all I had left when the call came in. - Nice, well, not nice for the character. I would read on for sure<br /><br />8. Time, it flows and ebbs relative to perspective. - I feel I am about to jump into a classic. Not sure if I would read on but I think it's a nice observation.<br /><br />9. This year on the day of ascension, I'm supposed to stand before the Abhithian high council and marry a human. - I'm not sure how to pronounce Abhithian for sure, but I get the feeling it doesn't want to marry a human. I would like to read more.<br /><br />Admittedly, #5 is my favorite. Short and striking.Angela Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324366495151363782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-57378665364023991082012-03-01T09:44:34.407-06:002012-03-01T09:44:34.407-06:00I always give a read a page or two and almost alwa...I always give a read a page or two and almost always the first chapter. So, I would definitely read on for all of these. Here are my thoughts on the first lines.<br /><br />1. I love the simplicity here and agree with all that was said above.<br /><br />2. It's the voice that gets me in this one. The lines are quirky and I like me a good quirky read. <br /><br />3. I'm not sure what's going on in this one. Is someone upstairs and they shouldn't be? <br /><br />4. Same here. This person could be at a funeral, or just standing in a field of flowers.<br /><br />5. Ooo, a mystery. What does the key go to? Lot's of questions come up with this sentence.<br /><br />6. Starting with setting is hard, but I like this one as long as it gets to people soon.<br /><br />7. No comment. ;)<br /><br />8. I like the "flow" of this (LOL), but it could be about anything.<br /><br />9. No comment here either other than, "thanks! you solved my problem." I'll just take out "day of ascension" and it finally feels right. <br /><br />Thanks for all your comments!Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-29016232987757041002012-03-01T09:12:34.466-06:002012-03-01T09:12:34.466-06:00#2 "To a Ghost... " - I liked this one b...#2 "To a Ghost... " - I liked this one because it sets you up for a twisty turn-y story. Possibly lots of humor and red herrings thrown in. <br /><br />#7 "Eight hours.." Gonna be fast paced! The time line has been set. Action! Adventure! Page turner!<br /><br />#1 "I remember falling" - Wide open. Amnesia? Is that ALL the narrator remembers? Why the fall? <br /><br />#5 "She Found..." Conflict!<br /><br />#3 "Footsteps thumped.." - Is she hiding? Is she in danger? <br /><br />#9 "This year..." - Agree. Almost lost me on this one, until the last bit. Which is a good thing. Kind of like a shot in the middle of the forehead. Doot de doo...BAM!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-72969213931976615322012-03-01T09:01:37.098-06:002012-03-01T09:01:37.098-06:00my humble thots:
1 - good
2 - funny!
3 - needs emo...my humble thots:<br />1 - good<br />2 - funny!<br />3 - needs emotion<br />4 - nice imagery<br />5 - great mystery!<br />6 - nice setting, maybe too much, could use a character's voice on it<br />7 - awesome! i expect action! love action!<br />8 - sorry, needs more<br />9 - another slap you in the face opening! great! (just take out the day of ascention, tell me about that later)<br /><br />now i need to re read mine and tweak!Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-76482561861961833322012-03-01T08:42:48.615-06:002012-03-01T08:42:48.615-06:00I liked many of these but was intrigued by #2 and ...I liked many of these but was intrigued by #2 and #6.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14441204813159368735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-62816284776215233722012-03-01T08:18:03.447-06:002012-03-01T08:18:03.447-06:00These were all pretty good. The one that got me th...These were all pretty good. The one that got me the most was #5. It's so simple, but it definitely makes me want to know more!Rachel Schieffelbeinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01629400142880123520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-3512360893617220362012-03-01T06:38:18.744-06:002012-03-01T06:38:18.744-06:00Note the Writing Tip of the Day to the right :)
L...Note the Writing Tip of the Day to the right :)<br /><br />LOL. Great advice and so very timely, don't you think?Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-48506723687469994652012-03-01T06:36:53.388-06:002012-03-01T06:36:53.388-06:001. I remember falling.
A lot said in three words....1. I remember falling.<br /><br />A lot said in three words. I would read on.<br /><br />2. To a ghost, telling a lie is like dancing a tango. Lots of fun but even better with an audience.<br /><br />I have a conflict of interest with this one :)<br /><br />3. Footsteps thumped over Kierra's head.<br /><br />I don’t have enough information for a decision. This is fairly ambiguous.<br /><br />4. The wind rustled the flowers in my hands.<br /><br />Ditto this entry. Not enough information.<br /><br />5. She found the key under his bed.<br /><br />As with the first entry, there is a lot said in very few words. I want more. Why was she looking for the key and how does the guy come into the story.<br /><br />6. The overcast sky pressed into the ground heavy with humidity, pollen, and insects.<br /><br />I’m on the fence with this one. It places me into the scene. I can feel the humidity and want to flip the bugs off my arm. I would read on.<br /><br />7. Eight hours of freedom. That's all I had left when the call came in.<br /> <br />Conflict of interest again but this makes me sit up and take notice. I want to know why he has eight hours left.<br /><br />8. Time, it flows and ebbs relative to perspective.<br /><br />Very deep. I love well written literary. I would read on to discover more.<br /><br />9. This year on the day of ascension, I'm supposed to stand before the Abhithian high council and marry a human.<br /><br />Oh, heck yes. More, more but I wasn’t into this beginning until the last three words.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.com