Mid-summer Motivation for Monday

It's so easy to make excuses or allow little dark clouds to hang over our heads, but we don't have to let any of it stop us in our tracks.

The following three items are my notes from a class I attended way back in 2010. It wasn't about writing, but at the time I equated EVERYTHING I heard to what it meant for me as a writer.

1. Did you know that 2/3 of our thoughts during the day are negative. (The speaker said it has been scientifically proven, but I don't have a reference for that, so believe it or not as you see fit.) Why is that? (We discussed...) Then he said, "Negative thoughts are like a hole in our confidence bucket."

How many times do we knock ourselves down with negative thoughts or comments about our writing abilities? Each thought depletes our confidence by another drop. Every time we give ourselves credit for trying to improve, spend time revising, recognize a sentence that comes out just right, we begin to refill that confidence bucket.

2. "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Albert Schweitzer.  

When he read this quote, I thought of all my blogger friends. Thank you for sharing your spark with me. Many times when I've been down I've read someone's blog and felt lifted and ready to plug along my journey a little longer. 

So, THANK YOU for sharing and being you. No one can replace or fill the spot you fill in this world.

3.  "If you think you can do a thing, or think you can't do a thing, you're right." Henry Ford.

Wow, think about how true that is.

He also quoted Yoda from the Empire Strikes Back. At one point in Luke's training he tried to raise his X-wing from the swamp and failed. Yoda then lifts it and sets it on solid ground with ease. Luke complains that it is impossible and Yoda replies, "That is why you failed."


Now, I'm not going to point out the obvious connection between these three things and our goals as writers. I simply want you to think about how they apply to you personally.

Are you depleting your confidence with negative thinking? 

Are you failing to reach your goals because you secretly think it is impossible?

What are you going to do to get back on track?

How to Market a Bad Book

My ideas, newly formed, on how to sell massive numbers of books like Fifty Shades.

Number One: Bad writing is a marketing ploy. People are curious and want to decide for themselves if it is really as bad as critics say:

"That stove is hot."
"Really?" *touches it* "OW!"
"Told ya."

Number Two: The author says Fifty Shades was Twilight FanFic. 

Author: "This novel is based on *insert famous book here*."

Reader: "OOOOOOOOh. I must buy this novel."

So. What do you think about my theories?  

Book Review – Fifty Shades of Grey

I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James with preconceived notions.

By the time I reached the end of the book, I did a complete flip, shocking me to my core.

First, the writing is atrocious. No way to get around that fact.

Echoes. "...He smirks. 'Are you smirking at me, Mr. Grey?' I ask sweetly..."

Repeated and unnecessary dialogue tags.I whisper. He whispers. He orders/warns/breathes.

Profanity that plops out of nowhere like a dead bird falling from the sky.

Bad sentence structure. '...I can almost hear his sphinxlike smile through the phone...'

Internal dialogue that slows the story line to a crawl.

All this and more tooth-grinding moments.

And yet…

Hidden in the horrible writing and the sex scenes that aren’t worth my time to read or review, there is an interesting story.

Talk about flummoxed. Here was a book I intended to hate. The sarcastic notes I took as I read the book attest to that fact.

Halfway through the novel, my attitude changed. It took that long for it to hook me.

This book could have been so much better. But the crappy writing and subject matter make it too easy a target for a discerning audience.

One last thought. This is not a knockoff of Twilight. The comparison is ridiculous and feeble to the max.

Now, will I buy the next in the series? Probably not. I am curious about the outcome of the characters though. I cannot recommend shelling out ten bucks to read it. But don't make up your mind on reviews or sample chapters alone. I've made that mistake in the past.

Summary: This book surprised me and the ending made me want to know more. If re-written and edited by a knowledgeable person, this novel would have garnered good critical reviews. 

Too bad voyeurism and poor writing overshadowed a good story.

Did this review make you roll your eyes? Or intrigue you? Remember, I assumed I would loathe this book. *baby shocked face*

Freudian? Or a Finger Twitch?

Fifty Shades of Grey Redux

I read the sample chapters of Fifty Shades on my Kindle, got to the end and thumbed down to the ‘more information’ tab.

Clicked the button.

Waited.

A message popped up: “Thank you for buying Fifty Shades of…”




Well crap. The Fickle Finger of Fate strikes again.

I'm a lightning-fast reader so expect a review tomorrow.

*what an idiot*

Literary Agents and 8-Track Tapes

An interesting post from The Passive Voice titled You Must Have an Agent…Or Not appeared in the blogosphere. 

Actually it is only another in a long line of musings about this industry.

I spoke with one famous fantasy author who believes agents are not the influence they once were in this business. Note yesterday’s post about Fifty Shades and the agents who moan how their philosophy was shot to hell by just one book.

But it isn’t just one book. There is Amanda Hocking who self-published herself into fame. Or John Locke, the first to sell one million Ebooks on Amazon.

Indie Publishing. For another eye-opener, go to Jeff Bennington’s blog The Writing Bomb. Essentially, he is a writer who chose not to wait on an agent but made his own way into self-pub. His blog is chock-full of info.

“But you must have an agent,” the ‘experts’ cry to us unwashed masses. “Write a good book and we’ll accept you as our client,” agents say.

Um, no. They won’t. Because:

The project you describe does not suit our list at this time.
This project doesn't seem quite right for us.
This project doesn’t sound right for me.
I am not the right agent for this work.

My fave is the ‘no response means no’ response and leaving the writer with hours of wasted research into an agent who blows them off without acknowledgment.

So you’ve polished your manuscript to a shiny new penny, educated yourself about adverbs and dangling participles, read every word regarding queries. Now what? Are the agents ignoring your baby? Does the prospect of self-publishing leave you cold?

Pick the in-between route, the publisher.

Apply directly to small pubs like WiDo Publishing, Curiosity Quills, MusaPress, MuseItUp Publishing, Sapphire Star, and Baen Books. Or publishers that tower over the industry, Del Rey, DAW, and Tor/Forge.

So what is your flavor? Are you determined to go the traditional route? Or ready to explore small publishers or even self-pub?

Exploding the Truths of the Publishing World

Agents make fun of it in their blogs or throw their hands up, frustrated by the book’s popularity.

So what the hell is up with Fifty Shades of Grey?

I mean *pounding fist on computer table* WTH IS UP WITH THIS PHENOM?

Rant is over now. Everyone who scooted back from their computer monitor in horror can come back now.

One agent acknowledged the book’s success but lamented its atrocious writing. 

“As agents and editors, we rail against poor writing and ditzy plots. We turn away any book that doesn’t meet our standards. And then a book like this comes along and every truth we’ve beaten into our clients is shattered.”

So, as writers do we follow the advice of agents and editors or wallow in the marketing trend? Mounting sales of so-called horribly written books roil the waters into froth.

I am not giving a critique of this book since I’ve only read sample chapters of Fifty Shades. But I didn’t find it as engrossing as some of its readers have claimed. Maybe it gets better but I’m not willing to shell out ten bucks to find out. Some have placed this book in the same category as Twilight but I don’t see it like that. 

Confused by its popularity? Join the crowd, people.   

Hollywood is talking movie already with Ian Somerhalder starring as Christian Grey.

Okay, time out.

Hm. 

Maybe this shows some promise after all.

Have you read the book? Please, tell me why you liked/hated it. 

Nuts and Bolts to Writing a Novel

First, comes conception and then the writing. *duh*

Next, the nuts and bolts. 

Editing. *shiver*

Bottom line, you do not have the necessary eye to judge your MS. You’ve lived the world you’ve created, every word burned into your consciousness. The path is too familiar.

Editing comes down to this:

Reading the words is different than Seeing the words.

You don’t notice the echoes or adverbs. You are blind to the use of your favorite words. Over-written? Phttttttttt.

Help is available, on this blog and other websites.

Creative writing software will catch some of the mistakes, highlighting overused words, dialogue attribution, and adverbs misuse.

Go to www.ravensheadservices.com for a free download of Write It Now.

Whether it helps you or not depends on where you are in this career; just learning the definition of ‘dialogue tag’ or agented and looking for a publisher.

Creative writing software is available. Go to www.dailywritingtips.com for a comparison. This website has priceless nuggets of writing advice.

Need help with facial expressions? Nearly every writer is aware of The Bookshelf Muse. This blog gives physical examples of anger, worry, confusion, and passion. The website’s authors also published a self-help guide, easy to thumb and find just the right open mouth, squinting eyes, sigh, and flipped fingers. The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi is available through Amazon or as an Ebook on their website.

Other books are available to parse the phrase and edit the annoying dangling participle. Books such as Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Brown and Dave King. Stephen King’s On Writing is a winner also.

And last Critique Groups like Unicorn Bell, Betas and Critique Partners. The road to Published must include these fueling stations.

Remember, you are not alone. We are traveling the same highway, learning, exploring, and aiding. Keep on Truckin’, folks.

Do you have a favorite site for writers? Please share.
 

First Chapter - part four

The fourth and final part of DARK ONES MISTRESS, from Aldrea Alien:

Anger, writhing hot and heavy in her veins, fast overrode her fear. She arched her back, fighting to regain possession of at least one arm. Her foot lashed out. The toe connected, issuing (I think you want a different word here, eliciting, perhaps) a grunt from one of the men. Where was the watch? Her cries should have brought them to her aid. Why weren’t they stopping this?

Clara glared up at the man holding the door, a sliver of fear stabbing her heart at the look in his eyes. So flat and dead, like a week-old fish. Ew, Creepy. Like it!

They halted before the tiny steps. There, the men flanking her finally released their grip, plonking her back onto the street. One of them shoved her closer to the lacquered panels. Not wishing to suffer being forced inside the carriage, she ascended the steps unaided, jumping as the door slammed shut. A faint click spoke of a lock slipping into place.

Clara felt her way to one of the seats, eyes straining to see in the scant light filtering through the heavily curtained windows. The carriage lurched forward as she went to sit, slamming her into the thin suggestion of a cushion.

Resettling herself, she leant leaned against the wall, hoping it would help towards lessening the horrid swaying. Her hand rose to pull back the curtain, hesitating upon hearing the rustle of loose fabric from the other side of what suddenly felt like a far smaller space.

Heart setting up a new pounding rhythm, she peered into the gloom. Naught but a darker shape could be seen against the slate grey of the interior. The other, seeming to know they’d been noticed, silently scrunched further into their seat.

Clara mimicked the action, hoping that whatever was to become of them would not echo the horrors she’d heard about the past Lords. Rumour’s only gossip, she reminded herself. And only a fool acts on gossip. But all rumours had a vein of truth somewhere.

She surely wished she knew what bits to believe.

Excellent end to the chapter.

Ok, so my overall thought is to do some cutting, nail the voice/age (Clara's) and pick up the pace a little (without losing much description, which I mostly liked). Voila: perfect first chapter, yes?

But what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Please add your comments and help Adrea make this chapter shine.

First Chapter Critique - part three

Hovering on the corner of her vision sat the form a cat scuttling across the eaves. Down on the road, another slinky beast swiped at a dog in passing. The mutt, scrawny and half bald from neglect, let out a whimper as it cringed under the remains of a stall. This feels like filler, unnecessary. 

Hearty scuffling came from the alley on her left, no doubt the product of a hungry dog. Her gaze lingered at the alleyway’s dark opening. She’d heard of other places where muggers roamed the streets, assaulting people at will then being dragged off to whatever punishment awaited them.

Nothing so exciting happened in Everdark. At least, not with the same criminal. There’d be whispers of those from afar avoiding the Lord’s men for days before they got caught. But not here. Not for that long.

The snort of a horse brought her attention back to the street ahead. Nothing barred the way between her and the corner where her home sat. Carts (if horses are rare what pulls the carts? Just asking…) rarely took this route through the village since the streets were only wide enough to allow one through and there was little need of them as transport for either people or goods. Thoughts of the black carriage invaded her mind, followed by the old man’s words.

Shrugging off the chill in her spine, Clara peered round the corner. Naught to be seen except the way home. Silly girl. (Now this bit of inner dialogue sounds more like 17. She’s scared, but she’s chiding herself for acting childish. This is good.) She chuckled and resettled her burden. (I don’t think we need to hear any more about her ‘burden,’ no offense. Personally, I’d give her a basket – unless these items are going to serve a purpose.)  Just a little further down this end of the street and she’d be off the streets and away from the rumours. Even if their new Lord was, in truth, sniffing about for whatever reason, he wouldn’t be doing it here down these streets. He’d be (first say what part of town, maybe name the street to make it feel familiar) after women like Brenna, the mayor’s spoilt, harlot of a daughter. This seems a little harsh. Not Clara’s judging of the mayor’s daughter as spoilt, which she might very well be, but labeling her as a harlot seems a little harsh unless there’s some serious history between the two, plus I suspect isn’t true. Why does Clara hate her so? And why would a Lord want a spoilt harlot? 

Yes, that would be the sort of woman a lord would fancy. (which sort? A Mayor’s daughter or a harlot?) Not someone with a seamstress for a mother. Her boot skittered a pebble across the cobblestones. Not that she’d any desire to be taken from family and home. Still, it would’ve been nice to get a peek at the inside of the citadel. If only so she could say she’d seen it. Now I’m a little curious. Are you perhaps deliberately making Clara a little bit unlikeable? It could be a clever device…But if not then I would suggest she appear a little less self absorbed. Again, just my opinion. 

A hoof scraped the ground behind her, the sound akin to the sharpening of a knife. Now we’re getting somewhere. I would strongly suggesting some serious slash and burn to get to this point sooner. This chapter could be quite tense…

Clara froze, her heart thudding. Taking a deep breath, she stared at the empty road stretching ahead. She could even make out the doorway to home. Mind your own business, she reminded herself. She took a shaky step forward, steadfastly refusing to look behind her.

“You there!”

Unable to resist the cry, she turned. The carriage, its black panels naught but a darker patch within the shadows, stood on the other side of the junction. One of the horses stamped a shaggy foreleg, the other bobbed its head as if in reply. By the goddess, how she hated the beasts. Unlike the dogs and cats she was more familiar with, horses always seemed to have a superior glint in their eyes, like they were secretly laughing at everyone. I love this. I personally would never think of horses this way but because Clara isn’t used them she fears them. This is good.

The driver gently slapped the reins, stilling the creatures. He leant (leaned) forward in his seat. Piggish eyes, dark like little coals, peered down at her. His lips twisted into a sneer. “She’ll do.”

Clara didn’t fancy waiting to find out why she’d do and what for. (Good for her! I’m glad you didn’t make her pause stupidly and wait for danger to approach) Dumping her burden, she ran down the street. (comma instead of period) Racing for the shadowed doorway that led to safety.

The clatter of hooves followed her. Black horseflesh ran alongside her, then fast pulled ahead to let the carriage trundle even.

She glanced at the shut doors and grimy windows flanking her other side, madly searching for a closer haven. Sudden movement on the edge of her vision turned her attention back to her pursuers. She caught only the briefest flash of a horse sliding to a halt right in her path before crashing into the beast, forcing the air from her lungs.

Shaking and fighting to regain her breath, she clung to the horse’s harness, the heavy strap under her touch strangely soft and firm at the same time. This couldn’t be happening. Everdark had always been safe! She pushed off the barrelled body, gasping as her chest ached anew.

Hands grabbed her, their fingers digging into her arms. They hauled her back from the horse.

A scream ripped up through her throat, exploding out her mouth to echo down the street. Her boot heels scraped against the cobbles. They lifted her clear of the road. She struggled to break free of the grip, howling her frustration when the hands stayed fast. Tears threatened to blind her. She blinked hard, shaking her head in an attempt to free them.

Her captors, strangely silent in their movements, turned to face the carriage. The driver still sat atop the vehicle. A third man stood near the door, holding it open in a mockery of the mayor’s footmen.

My only other comment is that this chapter could be streamlined to excellent effect. There are a lot of extra words that slow things down. I think you definitely want to introduce us to Clara a bit slow to start, with a few insights into her character but then get to what's going to happen; the old lord dying and her attempted kidnapping. Like I said, this first chapter could really crackle if the pace was a little faster. 

Now, what do you think?

Thank you Aldrea Alien for submitting! And thank you to everyone who comments! The fourth and final part will post on Saturday.

First Chapter Critique - part two

(I am going to leave this up for another day due to the holiday, which means part three will post on Friday and part four on Saturday - please help our author our by commenting!)

A black-lacquered carriage rolled on by, pulled by two equally black horses and darkly-garbed (darkly-garbed feels a little awkward for my tongue. I wonder if there’s a smoother way to say how they’re dressed…how about 'black-clad men gripped tight the handholds at the back.'?) men clinging to the handholds at the back. Emblazed Emblazoned on the doors in blood red and highlighted with gold was the Lord’s symbol. It was meant to resemble a fire. She supposed it did, in an over-stylised fashion. Certainly more likely to be that if it could be said to look like anything at all. Either way, it didn’t stop the emblem from being a heinous thing, matching the citadel in taste when it came to points.  

I think this could be reduced to a single sentence or two, like this maybe: ‘It was supposed to resemble fire, which she supposed it did. But in hideous fashion.’ Or something like that.

She shivered at the sudden coolness in the air. Without looking, she knew she wasn’t the only one others had joined her in watching the carriage’s passage. She wouldn’t be surprised if all those minds were thinking the same thought. Why was it here? The Lords never came to Everdark and, though the village sat on the citadel’s doorstep, they rarely sent their servants. (<I switched these two sentences, see how it reads better?>) Clara slunk further back into the shadow of the awning. Her mother hadn’t been much older than she was now the last time that had happened. This is good information but something is happening here and this last sentence slows the action down, imo.

At last, the carriage trundled out of sight, leaving only the hollow clatter of the horse’s hooves on the cobbles.

A whisper crept into the crowd, growing louder with each set of ears it reached. Clara pushed her way back out into the street as the gossip neared her, her ears straining to hear their words despite all attempts to block out the noise.

“No, no. It’s true, I swear,” one man said to the nearby trio. “They’s come for the women.”

She shook her head and shuffled past the people. Street gossip, her mother often said, wasn’t something one could take seriously and only a fool acted on them alone. But still ... it had been several decades. Such a sighting could grease the wheels of rumour for a week or two.

“Dead?” gasped a woman from one of the bigger groups. “Our great Lord has been slain?”

Clara hesitated and found herself jostled closer as others pushed in to hear. Trying to get free only served in shoving her closer to the front. An elbow nudged her in the ribs, jigging her burden. Gritting her teeth, she clutched her wares to her chest. She’d soon lose everything if she didn’t win free from this press of bodies.

“ ‘Swat I ‘eard,” another man answered. Perched atop an overturned crate, he wiped a sleeve across his nose with a sickening slurp. “Came in before sunrise, that lot did. Seems the old Lord has gone and got ‘imself killed out near Ne’ermore way.”

A chorus of jeers went up, booming in her ears. Those standing behind Clara jostled her further forward. The Lord has been slain? That couldn’t be true. No one had the power to kill the people as mighty as their Lords. They were invincible.

The man shook his fist at the front arc of people, of which she was now one of. “I bet anyone of yer a fistful o’ coppers that ‘is youngin’ll be sniffin’ round ‘ere soon enough. He’ll be after strong blood.” He thumped his bare chest, disturbing a layer of dirt. “Could take any of ‘em. Could take ye. Or ye.” A finger jabbed out at the crowd, picking out would-be targets. The wizened arm swung her way. “Or ye.”

Shaking her head, she shrunk back from the man. Her foot, seeking a level patch in the street, trod on something a lot softer than it should’ve been.

“Hey, watch it!”

“Sorry,” Clara mumbled as she shoved her way through the throng. The mob thinned fast as she neared her street. The man hadn’t been pointing at her. And the Lord isn’t dead. Surely, if he really was, it would be the town’s criers that bellowed the official proclamation, not some near-toothless old man.

With the only other sound to be had coming from the crowd at her back, Clara hummed to herself as she made her way home. (Clara’s humming seems out of place after what has just happened. Humming indicates ease and I suspect that Clara is feeling anything but easy after what has just occurred. Regardless of her feelings for her mother I suspect she’d be hightailing it home) Absent of its usual inhabitants, the street reminded her of the first morning (which morning are you referring to? Did you mean this morning when she first set out or some other morning?) she’d set out alone into a fog-shrouded day. Though she could see the way ahead clearly enough today, the sun had yet to finish its task of warming the houses and spill down to chase the damp from the cobbles, it seemed no less surreal.

She past passed the cobbler’s shop, vacant apart from a few dusty pairs of shoes, and slowed. Peering at the grubby window, a smile came to her lips as she admired the way her skirts swung with each step. Simple brown linen. Exactly what she’d wanted. Yet it’d still taken months to convince her mother to make it. Again, Clara stopping to admire how she looks in the glass seems out of place here at this time.

No doubt her mother only relented because her seventeenth year loomed. Even so, it had taken weeks after that day celebrating her birth before her mother had gotten round to finishing the whole outfit. Clara let her gaze travel up. Yes, it did much to make her hair seem less vibrant. That alone was enough to never stop wearing this dress until it fell apart.

Allowing herself a little, girlish giggle, she carried on by the shops and homes. The hushed pad of her footsteps gave way to the soothing sounds of the village. She wiggled her toes, feeling the stones through the soles. Perhaps she could convince her mother to buy her some new shoes next year. I would probably skip this whole bit about Clara and how she looks at herself in the glass. It seems like a way to show the reader what Clara looks like but it’s too obvious. Anyway, we don’t need to know what she looks like – yet.

Things are definitely starting to get interesting but I have two suggestions. One, skip the accent on the townsfolk; accents are very difficult to do well. Two, do some serious cutting. This second part here would read much faster and be a lot more tense if it was shorter. Get to the good parts! I know they're coming because I skipped ahead  :)

Now, what do you think?

First Chapter Critique - part one

Title: Dark One’s Mistress

Genre: Adult Fantasy

“Clarabelle!” The cry rang out across the street, scattering the pigeons resting atop the roofs and sending the nearby cats into a fit of hissing as they scampered for cover. I immediately get the feeling of a city with rooftops and pigeons in which case I doubt these city cats would pay much attention to a bit of shouting – imo. And I cut that bit only because I think it reads better, more smoothly. Again, just my opinion.

Clara halted on the edge of the street, her face burning as the echo of her mother’s manly bellow continued. (Is this the first time her mother has called for her in such fashion? Just asking…) All around her, men and women paused in their daily business. The street gained an eerie silence. In the past, she’d heard worldlier folk boast that such deathly quiet could only be heard here in Everdark.

Then someone coughed, another person sneezed, and the sounds flooded back. The hum of talk. The clink of coins. A few turned to stare at her, the young woman in question, but mostly, the irate cry seemed to be forgotten. Again, if this is a city, I would think mothers hollering for their kids would be fairly commonplace, after all, cities are noisy places. But perhaps there’s a reason for Clara’s mother to be yelling…

A sigh huffed through her lips. Why does she have to scream like that? She contented herself with the roll of her eyes, wishing the heat in her cheeks would fade. It wasn’t as if she was some small child. She knew her duties well. Knew the streets even better. I cut that bit because I like this inner dialogue and wanted to stick with it. And I wonder what Clara’s duties are…But I also wonder why part of Clara's thoughts are italicized but not the rest.

She shuffled her burden: bread, cheese, a skin of goat’s milk and a tiny, dog-eared book on the world beyond. The last was for herself. Literally titled The World Beyond. Beyond what, she didn’t know, but it sounded intriguing.

In the pit of her stomach, Clara knew concern hadn’t driven her mother’s voice. She’d taken too long, pure and simple. It wasn’t her fault the baker’s son had gone missing was it now? She’ll find some way to blame it on me. I’m a little confused here by how these sentences are connected. On the one hand Clara thinks her mother isn’t concerned. On the other, she knows she’s taken too long with her errands, hence her mother yelling for her (I assume). But what does the missing baker’s son have to do with it and why would Clara be blamed? Is her mother just angry/impatient or did you mean to say her mother was concerned precisely because of the missing boy?

Knowing her mother, she’d have expected Clara to come running back. Oh yes, my burden is ever so light. And if she fell and ruined it all? Why she’d be treated to one of her mother’s clips over the ear. Or worse, she could twist her ankle on the uneven stones that dared to be called a road. Nature could’ve made a better surface than this. She could’ve sworn she’d heard her mother saying they were repairing the roads.

Or had she meant the Road? (oh, and what Road might that be?)

Her gaze lifted to the shadowy bulk of the citadel perched atop Mount Winding. In the morning light, she could just make out the towers. Three, though she’d been told there were actually six, rising like the points of a crown around a pointy head. (I think the image works better on its own) On a clear night, when they’d lit all the torches, the fortress looked like a mask with a giant, shadowy maw and horrible, glowing eyes.

She staggered, the ground underfoot feeling a lot softer than it should have. A yowl at her feet revealed it to be one of the braver cats. “Scat you flea-ridden pest!” Watching the tawny animal streak off into the shadows, she heard a soft, slightly wet, thud. Oh no. What had she lost? Clara patted the bundle. Bread, cheese ... My book! She searched her wares again for the tiny tome, stamping her foot when she found nothing.

Her toe landed on something small and a little spongy. Wincing, she glanced down past her arms and caught the dark edge of what her gut told her must be the book’s spine. Further juggling allowed her to see the soggy filth it had landed in. Drat! It had cost her a whole copper. Her mother was going to thrash her for wasting money. She just knew it.

“Out of the way!” a man cried, his voice cutting through the square’s natural chatter. Fast filling the void came the clop of hooves and the rattle of wheels on cobblestone.

 
Horses? Not many round here bothered with the beasts. (hmm, why not? I wonder…) Clara skittered towards the edge of the street, finding herself backing into a pole belonging to one of the many stalls lining the streets. Her burden (singular) slid in her arms. She drew them (plural) closer, determined not to lose any more. 

Now, let me just say that my comments/suggestions are based on my first read through without knowing much about this story besides the fact that it's an adult fantasy. That said, it feels like it might be aimed at a younger audience because of Clara, who strikes me as a young girl who is still under thumb of her mother and resents it. But, this is just the first two pages so, we shall have to wait on that score...

I like the way the description is placed which is giving me a picture of the city as Clara makes her way home and I also like the little things that are thrown in to pique my curiosity like the missing baker's boy, the fact that horses aren't common and the roads vs The Road, which has a distinctly ominous feel to it. These are all good reasons for me to read on and find out more about Clara and this city.

First Chapter Crit

This week I am calling for a first chapter to crit. If you would like your first chapter critiqued here this week (I will be splitting the chapter up into four parts, one each for the remaining days of the week) send it to unicornbellsubmissions@gmail.com and please include the title, genre, and intended audience as well as any specific questions about your chapter you would like answered. I will do my best to tell you where the chapter succeeds and where it fails. Does it 'hook' the reader? Does it show more than tell? Do I find the character(s) interesting enough to read on? Are there grammatical issues? Is the voice/pov working?

You, as our ever so wonderful readers, will be invited to comment and let the author know what you thought of their piece. 


First come first serve.

Book trailers: where to begin?

Thank you to Huntress and my fellow UBs for letting me kick of my mini blog tour here at Unicorn Bell!

I just launched my first Kickstarter project last night. One of the most important parts of a Kickstarter project is the video. Projects without one have poor success rates. It does not have to be anything fancy -- the website has a cheesy how-to video of their own to assure you of that -- but it does need to be interesting, informative, and "you," as they say.

What you're doing is, essentially, query-pitching the whole world. Like a query, a book trailer needs to lay out the conflict, the main character, and what's at stake. It needs to show the viewer what to expect in terms of tone and style, too.

Use your query
One of the most famous texts in a movie, the opening crawl in Star Wars, is only 88 words long. Bear that in mind. Images are far more efficient, so save those words for what you can't get a picture of.

That query that you put so much work into is a good place to start. You've already distilled your story down to a conflict, a character, and the stakes. Those are what you want to communicate in your book trailer. Which parts are words and which are images, that's for you to work out.

Storyboard
This is how you work it out. A storyboard, in the movie industry, is like a comic book of the movie. Its purpose is to succinctly describe the camera shots and the movement of people and things inside those shots.

Write out your storyboard, from beginning to end. Use text, or use stick figures and arrows to indicate movement. This will force you to work out the entire sequence. It may help to jaunt over to YouTube to watch some trailers and try sketching out the storyboards for them as practice.

Finding photos and fonts
If you have drawing skills, if you have photography skills, if you have a video camera and a handful of brave friends, GO FOR IT. For the rest of us, there's stock photography, fancy fonts and compromise. The chances you're going to find the perfect image of your hero or heroine on a stock photography site is slim. (But hey, you never know.) So be ready to settle for general accuracy rather than specifics.

On stock photography: get an account, buy some credits, read the license agreement. You're making a video presentation, which on all the sites I've seen means you can use the basic agreement and pay only the listed price of the photo. The extended license is for photos you are going to put on something you sell, or other specific situations.

Out of the pay sites, I use istockphoto.com because while it's more expensive than some, the pictures are better quality. Out of the free sites, I use sxc.hu because it's been around for a long time and has a good selection. Though its search function could be better.

Fonts: there are a million free font sites out there. I use abstractfonts.com because I like their ability to sort by multiple style tags -- "handwriting" and "horror" for example.

Then what?
I'm going to need a second post if you want details about video editing software and basic animation techniques (do you want details?)

But here's the most important part: don't think that you can't. You are a writer. You already have an eye for detail and the ability to clearly picture what you want to communicate. To be honest, those are the two skills no book can teach you. The rest is just learning how to use the tools.

DISCIPLE, PART I: For Want of a Piglet, is a gritty fantasy romance. There will be six parts total. See the book trailer, the back cover copy, and a sample at  my Kickstarter project! Backers' gifts include e-books, promotional bookmarks, and paperback editions of the final novel.

This miniature blog tour is to promote the fundraising project. You can also stop by my blog for a full index of all the stops.

10 Nice Things You Can Do For an Author

In my opinion, the key to good social media marketing is not self-promotion, it's promoting others. Not only is it a nice thing to do, promoting others will pay off for you. It's not a new concept, but if you do good things for others, they are more likely to do good things for you. Even if they don't turn around and promote you, they'll remember your name. You're building your brand and building your network. Don't ask or expect people to turn around and do nice things for you if you do nice things for them, but it will happen organically if you help them genuinely - without expecting anything specific in return.

So start your campaign of niceness, here are some ideas of things you can do for other authors:

1) Review their book. This is number one for a reason. Yeah it's actually even more important than #2. Studies have shown that consumers pay more attention to customer reviews than almost anything else. Mid-list and independent authors are especially reliant on this free but effective form of advertising. After you read a book that you enjoyed, go ahead and review it. It doesn't have to be the most well-written review ever, just give your opinion. Then make sure and post that review on Amazon, B&N, and Goodreads.

2) Buy their book. This one is pretty self-explanatory, but important. Authors do really appreciate this. :)

3) Offer to interview them for your blog. Stephen King and Stephanie Meyer may not be available, but 99% of authors are not bestsellers. A good amount of mid-list, debut, and independent authors would be very appreciative of your offer, so it doesn't hurt to ask. Put yourself in their shoes. Somebody likes your books and is interested in you. It's free exposure and short blog interviews don't take very long. You'd probably say yes to as many as you could.

4) Promote their book on social media (and in other human interaction). Books rely heavily on word-of-mouth advertising. Even the big name books aren't sold like films or new cars. There are few commercials or billboards about them. But how many times have you asked a friend for a recommendation? So recommend the books you read! Amazon makes it really easy to share links on social media. And of course, don't forget to talk to your real live human friends.

5) Create lists. Any user can create lists on Amazon "Listmania" or Goodreads "Listopia". You can call it anything you like, such as, "Best YA Paranormal Romance Books of 2012." And then....when people do a Google search for "Best YA Paranormal Romance Books of 2012" they may actually find your list. Bam. You're an automatic expert.

6) Tag their book's page on Amazon. Authors and publishers can't do this themselves, so it's up to you! You will tag the book with search terms that you want the book to come up under. They might be things like "YA" "fantasy" "sci-fi" "zombies", etc. You can also vote up helpful tags that others have entered.

7) Like their book's page on Facebook. Yes, sort of an obvious one. But, yes, authors do like this.

8) Sign up for Amazon Associates. This one seems a little backwards, but hear me out. In my opinion, Amazon Associates is a great way to monetize your blog. Basically, you get money when you link to Amazon products (in our case, probably books) on your blog or social media. Chances are, you post about books anyway and include links, so this just gets you a little money for something you do anyway. How does this help the author, you ask? Trust me, when you know you might get paid for linking, tweeting, or posting book links to Facebook, you are a lot more likely to do it.

9) Like their book's page on Amazon. This one takes all of one second. Just push "like".

10) Vote on "helpful" reviews on Amazon. The reviews that are voted most helpful appear near the top. If you like the book, then we can assume that the "helpful" reviews are the positive ones. :) 

All About My WIP

I grabbed this meme from Chantele Sedgwick a few weeks ago (I took out a few questions) and thought it would be great to get to know our readers styles better. Answer the questions in the comments to help us plan posts that are relevant to YOU. 

1. What is the name of your book?

2. Where did the idea for your book come from?

3. In what genre would you classify your book?

4. Give us a one-sentence synopsis of your book.

5. How long did it take you to write your book?

6. What other books within your genre would you compare it to? Or, readers of which books would enjoy yours?

7. Tell us anything that might pique our interest in your book.

Interview with author Michael Panush

Today's visitor is a published author several times over and only JUST graduated from college. My 22 year old self is totally jealous. Michael is known for his hardboiled crime series, The Stein & Candle Detective Agency, Vol. 1: American Nightmares and the very unique pulp YA adventure, Dinosaur Jazz (Jurassic Club). He's also joining me on my blog next week to help me host the Murder Mystery Bloghop.

Congratulations on recently graduating from UC Santa Cruz! If you don't mind me asking, what was your major? Was it writing related or something more "practical"? What do you plan to do next?

Thanks! My major was very writing-related – I was in the Creative Writing Concentration of the Literature Department. I had met some wonderful writers and was lucky enough to have classmates and professors who were more than happy to read and critique my genre-heavy work. They were all very supportive and helped me improve my craft greatly. For my Senior Project, I actually used Dinosaur Jazz. A lot of the excellent changes I made to Dinosaur Jazz come from my wonderful workshop group in my Creative Writing class. Next, I’ll be working at Sacramento City Year, where I’ll be tutoring and mentoring elementary school children. After that, I’ll probably continue my education in some way.

Your books are known for their stylistic throwback to the pulpy heyday of the twenties, thirties and forties. If you could live in any time period, which one would it be and why?

That’s a tough one. Our own era has a lot of plusses, like great technology, enviable comforts, and while racism, sexism and corruption are of course major problems, they were much worse in the past. I’m pretty happy living in our era. However, if I had to pick, I think it would either be the 1920s, because I like the fashion, music and culture so much, or the Victorian Era, because I like the verbose means of talking and the insane level of manners. I wouldn’t mind living in the 1950s setting of Stein and Candle either – but mostly because of the food. I’m a big fan of steaks, burgers, hot dogs and all the outrageously unhealthy fare that filled the diets of the time. Couple that with the era’s copious smoking and drinking and it’s a recipe for health disaster –but it would still be a fun ride.

Being a modern fellow, how are you able to capture the essence of other time periods in your writing?

I actually find it easier to write fiction set in the past than in the present. Each past era has a specific culture that we can study and understand. We can try to do that for the present, but we’re most likely going to fail. When I do a story set in the past, I immerse myself in the era by listening to period literature, watching films set in or made in the era and listening to the music of the time. I study slang, the politics and attitudes of the time. For Stein and Candle, I read a lot of hardboiled literature – both contemporary works by Mickey Spillane, Raymond Chandler and more modern works like James Ellroy. Looking at those stories showed me another, more noir side of the seemingly wholesome era. I hopefully communicated the nastier elements of the Post-War Era through Stein and Candle.

I'm sure it's been tough to find time to write when you're already writing lots of college papers. How do you make the time and how have you stayed motivated?

It was often tough to find time for school and writing. But because I was a Creative Writing major, I was able to sort of ‘double-dip’ and get great feedback on my stories. However, when I wasn’t taking a Creative Writing class, I just had to rely on discipline. I would set deadlines and keep them, saying that I’ll have a story finished in this many days. I did schoolwork early, so I’d have plenty of time for editing. I’m a firm believer that it’s important to always be writing, always be practicing and always be improved. I tried to uphold that throughout my time at UC Santa Cruz.

Tell us a little bit about your publishing journey. How did you get started, and how did you get from there to where you are now?

I started writing in high school, more for enjoyment than anything else. Eventually, a friend told me about this website called Fictionpress where I could post my stories for the world to see and get reviews. I had a lot of fun writing and posting on Fictionpress and getting some reviews, as well as a few dedicated readers who enjoy almost everything I’ve created. I realized that I deeply enjoyed writing and decided to self-publish my first book, Clark Reeper Tales, for my Senior Project in high school. I published Clark Reeper Tales and had a lot of fun marketing it, doing press and readings in local bookshops and schools. I kept writing, but I figured that I wouldn’t self-publish anything else and would instead keep improving my work and submitting it to major publishers. Then, in my second year at UC Santa Cruz, I received a facebook message from Curiosity Quills. They’d ready my work on Fictionpress and wanted to publish me! I could hardly believe it. We’ve been working together ever since and they’ve been great about putting my work in some excellent packages and giving them the marketing and publicity that they need. I look forward to putting out many more books from Curiosity Quills!

Stein & Candle Detective Agency Vol 2: Cold Wars will be released on July 8th. What are some of your favorite quotes from the Stein & Candle series?

For dialogue, there are a few great lines that I feel really explain the motivations of the characters. In the story Crimson Catch, the recurring villain Joey Verona appears to menace Morton Candle again – and help bring about the end of the world. Mort tells Joey that he’s helping a creepy fishman sorcerer to destroy the world and the response is: ““You know, Morty,” Joey mused. “That sounds A-okay to me.” That calm, cold exchange, with its hint of madness, perfectly sums of Verona’s new nihilistic outlook and why he’s such a dangerous foe for Mort and Weatherby in these stories.

Another one of my favorite lines is from the end of War Stories, which is a flashback to WWII. It shows Mort and his squad protecting the young Weatherby from a ferocious Nazi commando force. They finally manage to get Weatherby back to American lines and General Patton (who gave Mort the mission) asks him if Weatherby behaved himself. Mort answers ““He never complained. If he cried, he did it when no one was watching. He was grateful, and good to the men, and we all liked him. He gave us hope. He’s the bravest person I’ve ever met, general. And one of the best.” I like this line because it shows what Mort really thinks of Weatherby – instead of the weary, somewhat annoyed way he usually treats the kid. Mort really does have a deep respect for Weatherby, and Weatherby responds by thinking about Mort like a hero.

The line that closes the other flashback story, Business Proposition, is another of my favorites. Weatherby is writing a note to his sister, Selena. He writes “You believe I am still a child and perhaps that is true. But I fear my world is no place for children, and so I will have to grow up quickly. If you see this as a tragedy, then I urge you not to cry. We have troubles enough, without stopping to lament my situation.”This lines sums up Weatherby’s outlook on himself. He’s trying to be mature and brave, when he really is little more than a kid. He tries to cloak that kind of naivety in arrogance and his knowledge, but he does occasionally let his vanguard down. He’s a sympathetic character. I think that, along with all the 1950s hardboiled style and kooky monsters and magic, is why Stein and Candle works.

--

Michael, thank you so much for joining me! Right now, you can buy The Stein & Candle Detective Agency, Vol 1 for $0.99 for a limited time.

Please join Michael and I next week for the Murder Mystery Bloghop. Create a suspect and then solve clues to find the killer!

Characters should act their age

A while back I read (well, skimmed) Writing Young Adult Fiction For Dummies. Two things stood out to me. 1) My book wasn't really YA and I was screwed (a story for another post) and 2) Making your character act, think, and talk like the age they're supposed to be is a skill that's not limited to YA writing.

A novel that is truly Young Adult should have three components.

1) A main character that is 18 or under.
2) Voice consistent with the way teens speak and think
3) Themes consistent with the adolescent experience

It got me thinking, using these three components, you could write books targeted toward any age group; thirty somethings, empty-nesters, etc. The key is ensuring that your character is acting age-appropriate, not only in voice, but in the way they think about things, what they worry about, etc.

Writing to an age is especially tough if you're not currently in the age group you're writing in. I don't like to make it easy for myself. My debut novel is New Adult and written from the perspective of a 18 year old male. My WIP is written from the perspective of a 43 year old male. I'm a thirty year old woman. So, writing to ages (and gender) that are not mine has been a constant concern.

Last December, I entered a really cool blog hop on Brenda Drake Writes..., The Can We Guess Your Character's Age Contest. The basic concept was to post the first 250 words of your MS, remove any obvious age descriptions, and have people guess the age. It was such a creative idea and it helped a lot. In my first version, some people were guessing too high. I made a few changes to my final entry and actually ended up getting an honorable mention. It made me think about all the little things that impact how old someone sounds. Here are some great tips on defining character's age from the judge Gabriela Lessa:

Can We Guess Your Character's Age and Why Does That Matter?
Interview and tips on voice from judge, Gabriela Lessa for Can We Guess Your Characters Age? Contest

Here are my suggestions for fine-tuning your character's age:

1) Play the blog hop game. Have someone read a portion of your MS and guess the character's age. Make sure they explain why they guessed how they did. If you're writing YA, they shouldn't be more than a year  off. For adult, just make sure they're in the right life stage.

2) Write (or at least imagine) some deleted scenes with your character at different ages. I have a lot of fun with this one. If your character is twenty, come up with a scene for how they were when they were 14 or even 17 (remember in the YA spectrum, just a few years makes a difference). How were they different? What personality traits shine through regardless? Then, head to the future. What will they be like at 40? Understanding your character at different points in their life not only makes them more complex, it helps you to understand which of the characters traits are age based and which are more permanent.

3) To fine tune this even more, put your character at different ages in the exact same situation. How do they act differently? How is their dialog different?

4) Create a test scene where your character interacts with himself at a different age, like in The Time Traveler's Wife. How do the two characters perceive each other?

5) Having a character who is "mature for their age" is no excuse for incorrect guessing. If your character is a mature 14 year old, they should sound like a mature 14 year old, not a thirty year old. Think about mature young characters like Lisa Simpson and Hermione Granger. Smart and mature yes, but their inexperience and youth shine through.

6) As important as age is, don't forget that it's a secondary characteristic. There is no use in trying to create a generic 17 year old girl. Create the character first and then make sure they are behaving as they would at that age.

7) Do some research. Pay attention to how people in your age group talk and behave. Interact with a specimen if you can, eavesdrop, or at least read or watch other fictional takes of the age group. Pay attention not only to how they behave but how they are different. Two seventeen year old girls can be extremely different. How can you tell that they are both seventeen? How are they different now than they might be in ten years?

8) If you have been the age of your character, think back to that time in your life. Maybe even interview your old self. How were you different? How where you the same?

So, shall we play? I included some snippets with characters of different ages from my own work. Neither of the gentlemen I mentioned above appear in these scenes. Can you guess their ages? If you want to play too, feel free to post your own segment in comments.

1) Patrick stood on the edge of the family room and watched his “brother” peruse their bookshelf. The family room had been hijacked. Xavier's presence there made it impossible to pass into that particular section of carpet. But not for Emmy. She blew past Patrick like a stiff wind of cherry vanilla body lotion. She came from behind Xavier and grabbed his arm. He jumped and pulled away but she wasn’t thwarted. She grabbed his arm again and pulled him away from the bookshelf. Patrick almost told her to lay off…because she should…but he let it go to make sure it was clear what side he was on.

“When is your birthday?” she asked him.

Emmy was used to getting her questions answered, but Patrick wasn’t sure if she would this time. Xavier looked at her like the sound her voice was no more than an annoying buzzing sound.

“October 17th,” he said finally.

“That was just a week ago,” Emmy said.

He stared at her without response.

“Happy Birthday, I guess,” Emmy said.

“Thanks,” he said. He looked at the bookshelf, then back and Emmy and Patrick in turn, to see if the exhausting one-question interrogation was over. He didn’t know Emmy.


2) Will Cole sat on the couch and put his head between his knees. He listened carefully for the sounds of the elevator so that he would have time to compose himself before the door opened. He figured all guys were scared to introduce their girlfriends to their mothers. But it was something else entirely when your mother was the President of the United States and your girlfriend was on the terrorism watch list.

He heard the sounds of the elevator moving closer and by the sound of the ding, Will was standing and posed with a smile. His girlfriend, Lena Lowell, along with several armed members of the Secret Service exited the elevator. Apparently, not phased by the small army around her, Lena approached Will and kissed him like they were meeting at a café for brunch.

“You look really pretty,” Will said.

“Is this outfit, okay?” She brushed invisible dust off the shoulder of a royal blue dress that was modest while still hugging her curves pleasantly.