Submission #2--Dragon

Please take a minute to answer the questions below and I'll compile the results for the author. This gives you a chance to give honest and anonymous feedback. You can still leave comments here as well. Remember, our goal is to help each other become better writers and reach our goals.


Title: DRAGON
Genre: Fantasy

Maay hummed as she worked the old loom, the dull clack of wood like a lullaby to her ears. Sunlight blazed into the small solarium, its normally stifling heat cooled by the wind blowing through the open windows.Tall, potted plants screened the bulk of the sunlight from those first entering, their green leaves bright and inviting as they bobbed in the breeze.

She cocked her head to the sound of footsteps echoing through from the open door on the other side of the living barrier. Men. It had to be for their boots to hit the stone with such a racket. One pair even sounded as if punctuated by the clink of metal.

Maay frowned at the woven threads before her, idly looping another through. Not many men came into this quarter of the castle, mostly servants with their soft shoes and irritating tendencies to blend into the background.

She glanced over her shoulder, gaze perusing the room before settling on the wide leaves overhanging the tiny foliage-crafted doorway. You’re imagining things again. Why earlier, she could’ve sworn she’d heard the flap of massive wings. Like a dragon. Utter foolishness.Dragons hadn’t flown over this region since before her birth.

Shaking her head, she returned to her work, hoping to regain the comfort in being blissfully alone. Rarely could she find time without her brothers and sisters, both the older and the younger, dogging her. One day, or so her adopted mother believed, she’d miss their presence and the foolish games they’d played.

A smile tweaked her lips at the memory of their cavorting and the laughter. Vaguely aware of the action, she tracked the course of her fingers as they wove the shuttle through the upright cords. Wood resumed its rhythmic clacking, once again in counterpoint to her humming. For the moment,the thread was a soft white. Above sat the dark green wall of their banner.

Her idle gaze caught the patch where one line tried to overlap another. Putting the shuttle down with a sigh, she stood to tease the thread back into position. The wood creaked, twisting the other way. She circled the frame, adjusting it as she went. It always needed to be done halfway through, didn’t matter how simple the design she picked. How wonderful it would be to have the skill to weave dragons into the tapestry like her elder siblings did.

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Submission #1 UNYIELDING

Here is our first submission. Please take a minute to answer the questions below and I'll compile the results for the author. This gives you a chance to give honest and anonymous feedback. You can still leave comments here as well.

Remember, our goal is to help each other become better writers and reach our goals.


Title: UNYIELDING
Genre: YA high fantasy

***

Glass shattered, piercing the silence of night. Gabe leapt from bed in a state of panic and his blankets tackled him to the floor. Flailing around, he wrestled the material in a chaotic display of acrobatics.

Pins and needles pricked in his palms.  Not again!  He froze and took a deep breath, trying to settle his anxiety to keep from setting his covers ablaze.His power calmed. 

He broke free and sprung up,alert. What was that?  Gabe stared at his opened door,searching for signs of movement beyond his room. 

The house slept.  Silent.

Good, it was just a dream.

No sooner had the thought entered his mind, a shadow dashed through his door. Before his eyes had time to warn his brain of potential danger, she was at his side, arms outstretched.

“Sis,” he said, exhaling a deep breath.  “Why are you out of bed?”  He bent over and picked up the frightened, little girl.

“The noise scared me,” Kyla whimpered, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and throwing her arms about his neck.

She heard it too!  His heart quickened. What should I do?  Did Mom and Dad hear it?   

He attempted to lower the six-year-old to the ground, but she squeezed tighter, moaning.

Suddenly the house shook, booming as if a rocket had barreled through the living room. 

A scream shot up the stairs.  Gabe knew instantly who it was.  Mom!

Kyla cried out.  Gabe clasped his hand to her mouth and darted to the safety of his closet.  He pealed her from his waist, placed her on the ground and began ripping shirts from their hangers in a frantic effort to barricade her in.  “I’m going to go see what’s happening downstairs,” he whispered, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat.

“No,” she bellowed, trying to wiggle out from her shelter.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be right back.”  He hoped.  “But I need you to stay here.”

He finished packing her in then knelt.  Her deep, brown eyes streamed with tears,stabbing his heart with each droplet. He longed for words to comfort her, but what do you say to a six-year-old in a time like this?

“How about we play a game?” He forced a smile. “Let’s pretend you’re a princess.” It was her favorite game. He’d outgrown childhood make-believe when puberty crept up and had stopped playing with her, something he now realized was a mistake.

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Call for Submissions!

The other day I was reading Nicole Zoltack's blog post containing a checklist for the First Five Pages. Now, I would never ask you to send five pages for posting--(you shouldn't as it would be considered published and might cause problems at a later time), but I thought we could use the checklist for the first 400 words of your WIP.

Here's the checklist (I've tweaked it a bit for a shorter section):
1. Is the page engaging?
2. Do you want to keep reading?
3. Is the main character likeable?
4. Is the scene set clearly enough to ground the reader?
5. Is the voice strong?
6. Is it passive/telling?
7. Is the pacing too slow, too fast, or just right?
8. Does the dialogue sound stilted?

If you would like to have these questions answered for your first 400 words, send them in to unicornbellsubmissions@gmail.com with First 400 in the subject line.

I'll post as many as I receive over the next few days.

Persistence

Friends and family call me strong-willed. Stubborn. Pig-headed even. 

No better example of this attribute exists than my career as a writer.

Rejections happen to everyone. Whether it is the person just starting out to the famous writer surrounded by book covers.

It can be the publisher, an agent, or a buyer that tosses the book aside in disgust. Every writer wonders if this route is worth the arrows of rejection.

I've had this quote on my desk for many years.

You’re not finished when you’re defeated. You’re finished when you quit.

No one succeeds after they quit. Persistence is the key. Along the way, don’t stop writing but don’t remain in the same spot either. Keep moving. Write the next story rattling around in your head. Improve your craft; never stop learning. Keep reading. Then read some more. Remain optimistic and keep a sense of humor about the whole thing.

You are a writer. That is what you do.

All of us know that the destination is seeing your name on that book cover. The journey to that goal is what strengthens your writing. And your character.

How long should you try? Until. - Jim Rohn

And

“Never give up. Never surrender.” – Galaxy Quest, Jason Nexsmith.

Genesis

Questions:

Are you a pantser or a plotter? Who is your hero? What is your inspiration and what is hot right now?

These questions come up in many forms on other blog sites as well as ours. We’ve heard them before in various contexts.

My question:

How do you begin a new manuscript, a novel? What concept germinates the kernel of your tale?

• Do you have a scene and build your story around it?
• Or decide on genre and let your mind take you on a journey?
• Are you checking the treads, gauging their popularity and write a story to follow them?

I have a theory on what sells and why.

Begin your new manuscript by determining you MC’s character traits. Create the bond between you, the Writer and your Main Character first. Give her or him life and let them take you by the hand and lead you on the journey.

Introduce yourself to the character and form the attributes. Set them in your mind.

Don’t compose a scene or a big dramatic revelation. Create a bond immediately. Make the reader care first. Do this from the very beginning and give your potential reader a reason to turn the page.

The shoot-‘em-ups will happen later after you’ve known each other a while. 

The Magic in Words

There is music on the printed page for all to hear. To anyone that holds the words of a novel close to their hearts, who can hear the bird song, and taste the coffee from the printed page; the Magic is ours.

“The red eyes flicked up and made contact with my own.” Shadow Kissed by Richelle Mead.

“And as if in answer there came from far away another. Horns, horns, horns. In dark Mindolluin’s sides they dimly echoed. Great horns of the North wildly blowing. Rohan had come at last.” The Return of the King, The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien

And this from Burning Daylight by Jack London. Dede and Daylight have just been married and this is their first night:

“She heard the footsteps of Daylight returning, and caught her breath with a quick intake. He took her hand in his, and, as he turned the door-knob, felt her hesitate. Then he put his arm around her; the door swung open, and together they passed in.”

From a CPs Work In Progress, a passage that tore me into pieces:

“You think you’ve been wronged? Whose shadow have you lived in, then? Who gnawed out your mother’s heart and left scraps for her own son? I will not abandon Kate or our child.” Disciple, Part II: Claims Laid – L. Blankenship, Notes From the Jovian Frontier.

In all this, Voice is important. But equally so is passion, sentence structure for dramatic effect, and timing. Sometimes, as in the piece from Burning Daylight, the unsaid speaks like a mega horn. The reader’s imagination supplies the rest.

Resist explaining. Let the words flow but don’t flood the reader’s senses. Let them taste the words, hear the wind in the trees, and see what you see.

Cadence

Great prose has cadence, a rhythm. 

These lyrics by Dierks Bentley is an example. Note the two-count beat at the end of each stanza:

“Becky was a beauty from south Alabama

Her daddy had a heart like a nine-pound hammer
Think he even did a little time in the slammer
What was I thinkin'?

She snuck out one night and met me by the front gate
Her daddy came out wavin' that twelve gauge
We tore out the drive he peppered my tailgate
What was I thinkin'?” - What Was I Thinkin, Dierks Bentley,

Of course, poetry is the shining example of tempo, of words arranged to a beat.

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” – The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost

But novels, especially narrative, can benefit from using this technique.

“The future, good or ill, was not forgotten, but ceased to have any power over the present. Health and hope grew strong in them and they were content with each good day as it came, taking pleasure in every meal, and in every word and song.” – The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkien

“I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.” – The Name of the Wind, Patrick Rothfuss

And what about the Limerick?

“There once was a man of noblesse

Who said spices weren’t too excess.

But the sauce was quite hot

And caused him to snot

Which ruined his chance to impress.” -- Off the Cuff, CD Coffelt

Read poetry and get a feel for the beat. Use this in your writing.

Some Exciting News

Marcy asked me to share my good news with you today. I'm excited to announce that this week I signed a contract with WiDo Publishing for my first novel Sendek: The Magic Wakes. It will come out in their 2013 line-up!

The dream has been years in the making and I almost decided it wouldn't happen. Perhaps you have reached the same point in your writing career? You love it but are losing hope that you will ever see your name on a book cover unless you self-publish.

Don't Give Up!

Dig deep and ask yourself what your dream really is. When I looked in my heart I realized that more than anything I just wanted to share my story with the world. It's not about fame or fortune. For me it's about providing entertainment, escape from our every day lives, and just bringing a smile to someone who needs a break from reality.

But I didn't want to do it on my own. That thought paralyzed me. 

So, I started researching smaller publishers until I found a few that I felt good about. I actually received two offers! In the end I chose WiDo because I already knew a couple of authors that have published with them and they only had good things to say about them.

After signing the contract I waited to feel let down for giving up the agent and Big 6 dream. But you know what? It never came. In fact, I've grown more and more excited each day. This really IS the right choice for me.

That's what I want you to find out for you. What will be the best choice for you and your story? It will be slightly different for all of us, so don't be afraid. Don't compare your journey with someone else. Find your path and enjoy every step!

What am I the most excited about? 

• Having a team of people help me make Sendek the best story it can be and help me spread the word about it. 
• People will finally get to read the whole story. I hope they like it as much as I do.
• I'm going to get to hold MY book in my hands with MY name on it!
• I can't wait to see the cover for it.

While I'm waiting to start the editing process, I'm working on a website and a facebook page to share information as I receive it.

What kind of things you like to see on these types of media? Please share in the comments so I can make it as user friendly as possible.

Oh, and please go vote in my science vs. magic poll on the facebook page. Pretty please? 

J is for James

James is the hero.

And if I say Roald Dahl I'll bet you know who I'm talking about.

If you're lucky you have an edition like the one pictured, with the Burkert illustrations. Regardless, I'm sure you're familiar with James, the  hero of this story, a normal happy boy until his parents are eaten by a rhino at the zoo. Remember his awful aunts? Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker? Weren't they just the most horrible people? No wonder we were rooting for James. No surprise we were pleased when the aunts met their satisfying end and even better when wonderful things started to happen to James.

I think James was one of the first heroes I met. Certainly he's one of the most memorable. Do you remember any of your first favorites? Care to share? And don't be shy you know I love comments :)

one of my heroes

Adrienne

God knew her mother had warned her, so many times she’d lost count. And every time he pulled another stunt Adrienne could hear her mother’s voice, “For God’s sake, Adrienne, all you have to do is look at those eyes to know he’s no good.” And she supposed she knew it was true. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it. If she admitted to the possibility then she might have to do something. And she didn’t want to do anything. But…but this was bad, real bad. Why had he even told her? She didn’t want to know. She’d told him that, told him not to tell her anything.

     “But I need you on this,” he’d said.

     Oh, God, what should she do? She couldn’t leave him, not now. It was too late for that. Besides, he said when it was over they’d go away, just the two of them, make a life for themselves out west where no one knew anything about them.

     “Adrienne, if I told you once I told you a hundred times; stay away from that boy! He’ll bring you nothing but heartache and trouble.”

     But I can’t, ma, I’m all he’s got and I love him too much to leave.




Now it's your turn - unless you want more of me...

H is for Hero

In keeping with the blogosphere's biggest thing going right now (that would be the a-z blogfest) I give you the letter H for Hero or Heroine.

That's your main character, whoever he or she may be. You might even have two main characters, or, if you're George R. R. Martin (Song of Ice and Fire), you might have many characters. Whoever they are, they're probably the good guys, the people who will change and be changed by the events in the story. Your readers will be rooting for them, worrying over them, possibly even blogging over them! So you best make them worthy and give them helpful attributes that will aid them on their journey - but not too helpful, because that journey needs to be a challenge. In fact, I suggest giving them at least one hindering characteristics. It doesn't matter what but make sure they're not perfect because no one likes to read about perfect people; they're a bore. And remember, sometimes the most flawed heroes are the most memorable. Like Lestat in Interview with a Vampire and The Vampire Lestat. Anne Rice masterfully gave us a vampire to despise in the first book and then turned him into a hero in the second. Now that's magic.

Who is the hero in your story? Care to share? If so, send me 250 words about your mc from your current wip. I'll post the first four I receive here this week.

April Showers

In honor of my dear former coworker who passed away yesterday morning, I'm going to make today's prompt be about April showers, about loss and a sense of renewal, about cleansing the pain from said loss while embracing the joy that can still be found in life. Share with us a scene, poem, paragraph, or what you like in honor of April Showers. Bonus Kudos points go out today to everyone who posts something.

Stand on Your Own Prompt

This week has been the theme of loneliness versus standing alone, and how it applies to blogging and writing. The thing we have to keep in mind is that while the act of writing is a solitary effort, everything else involving the craft--critiquing, publication, networking--is decidedly not. There are times where we have to stand together just to get through the tough times.

Yet we can stand on our own if needed. Today, I present to you a prompt that dares to defy the concept that one is a lonely number. For this prompt, write a one to two paragraph piece  showing a character who doesn't go with the group norm, but who at the same time manages to enjoy life in the comfort of "oneness". Be creative, and bonus kudos points to you if you happen to show this sort of defiance in the genre of romance.

Have fun!

The Beauty of Standing Alone

Yesterday, I came up with the thought that those who are not doing the A-Z challenge need not face loneliness and isolation during this month. While many bloggers are taking fun in the A-Z challenge, there are those of us who have other priorities preventing us from enjoying the ride, too. I submit to you that these bloggers need support, too, and so the thought of a Lonely Bloggers Club or Group has come to mind.

It can be downright difficult not to buckle under the pressure of trends. Part of human nature is to want to belong, which is why so many people succumb to peer pressure. Hardly anyone out there likes the thought of being excluded, of standing alone in such a socially driven culture.

But sometimes when you stand alone, you learn how to fend for yourself. In terms of writing, this translates over into a thing of beauty, into something called finding your voice. When you sit down to write, no one else is writing for you. You’re doing the work yourself. You’re putting your prose, poetry, or article onto the page, sharing with the world your various insights. In the solitary act of writing, you’re creating a work of art.

In finding their voice, every writer stands alone. It is after the writing where we come together with our beta readers, our editors, and other collaborationists to get the final product to where it needs to be. In this aspect, we’re never truly alone.

Lonely Bloggers

Jeffrey here. I’m pretty sure this is my week to post at Unicorn Bell. If it’s not, then whoopsie! However, it has been about a month since my last posting. I’m thinking it’s time anyhow.

Of course, many people might not even notice because of the A-Z Challenge Blogfest that’s dominating the Blogosphere this month. It’s a fun challenge for sure, one that I’ve participated in last year. This year, however, my priorities have changed, and it’s not something I felt I could dedicate the proper time such a challenge deserves.

My post today has nothing to do with encouraging or dissuading someone from participating in A-Z. It’s a wonderful program, giving over 1500 blogs the chance to connect with one another. What I will talk about briefly is that should you not choose to participate in this, do NOT feel guilty about it. Our friends in A-Z will understand our situations, and they’ll return in a few weeks from their blogging adventures. Maybe now is the proper time for those who aren’t in A-Z to get to know one another and support each other. It can be downright lonely seemingly being the only person not taking part in this.

But something beautiful can arise out of standing alone, too. I’ll cover that part tomorrow in Part Two of my Lonely Bloggers Series.

And the winner is...

Thank you all for taking the time to visit our wonderful entries and voting. Every one of them went above and beyond anything we hoped for. Why am I surprised?

After three days of voting, you have chosen--

Julie Dao's Fairy Tale over at Silver Lining

Congratulations! You have a choice between a first chapter critique or a $20 Amazon Gift card. Email me at charity.bradford@gmail.com to let me know what you would like.

Time to Vote on the 1000 Words Blogfest!

First off, thank you to everyone who participated in our first blogfest here at Unicorn Bell. The quality of the entries was amazing, and it was very hard to narrow the field down to our top four choices. If you haven't had a chance to read all of them click HERE for the linky to all of them. Update: Mr. Linky disappeared! Silly thing. If you participated, can you please leave a link in the comments to the actual blogfest post so people can find you? Thanks!

Now, we loved so many of the stories, but we had to narrow down the field to a workable number for voting. After some discussion we narrowed it down to four plus one. That's right! I loved one so much I decided to add it in for voting.

I can't share how the other judges picked there favorites, but I chose the ones I connected with on some level. The ones that I kept thinking about. They might not have been the most perfect, but the story was so compelling for me that I didn't notice any flaws.

This was SOOOO hard!

Okay, our top five choices in no particular order:

Alicia C at Saffron Wine for The Tree House Tea
Misty Waters at Writer's Block
Aldrea Alien at Thardrandian Thoughts
Tyrean's Writing Spot for The Identity Crisis of Captain Wrath
Julie Dao from Silver Lining

Because of the Subjective nature of things we couldn't agree exactly on the top four. So, here are some personal favorites that deserve an--
Honorable mention:
Colin Smith the Precious Reward
Justin Parente at In My Write Mind
1000th Monkey for her dark trip into the Woods

Please visit these entries, read them and then come back to vote in the sidebar by 7PM on Saturday (US Easter Standard Time). The winner will get to choose between a first chapter critique or an Amazon gift card.

We will announce and contact the winner on Sunday.

Since Mr. Linky disappeared, here are the other links.
Tara Tyler The Guardian Tree
Tracy Jo The Unknown
Donna Hole
Brooke Busse Show Me Your Fangs
Angela Brown Fallen
Beth Fred Lost
Rek The Dance: New Beginnings
Stu sharp
Sheena-kay The Spider King's Mistress
Elaine Smith Adain, Down
Greg Hamblin