Today we have the second part of Connie's first chapter. My comments are in blue and I hope you'll add yours.
He nodded and wrapped up the service. My mom stumbled through the wet grass in her heels, although whatever substance was in her system probably aided her imbalance. Quill turned me and led me back towards the building that housed the offices of the Funeral Home.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I turned around to face my mom.
“Ren,” she said losing her balance and falling forward into me. I stepped back into Quill who grabbed my arms to steady me.
She started petting at my hair and collapsed into my arms crying. How awful and embarrassing. Also a good way to make us sympathize with Ren.
“God dammit Quill get me out of here,” I stepped on Quill’s feet trying to retreat.
“C’mon Mel. Let’s go. I got you.” Her stupid ass boyfriend took her shoulders and pulled her away at the same time Quill pulled me to the car. The mom’s boyfriend’s sudden appearance is a bit jarring, imo.
“I hate her.” I gritted my teeth and balled my fist.
Quill didn’t say anything, he just started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.
I dropped my head into my hands.I didn’t know what we were going to do. So who is we? Her and Quill? And what does she mean by this? Do about what? I think I’d like a little more clarity. Not about everything, because curiosity is what will keep the reader turning the pages, but about who’s who at least. It would be nice to know whether Quill is the protective boyfriend or relative. Otherwise I am interested in finding out more about what’s going on and who these people are.