Rick intervened
before I could say anything. “That wouldn't be proper.” This seems like a very formal thing to say.
“Of course it
would. We have a spare room with its own bathroom and a lock on the door.
Improper would be letting Katherine go around looking for vacancy signs at this
late hour.”
Rick pursed his
lips, but the lock lessened my discomfort. I'm curious about his concern regarding Katherine. Does he think she's honing in on his guy?
“I don’t want to
intrude,” I said.
“Nonsense,” Derek
said. “Try it for the night. If you’re not happy with our house then you can
find something else in the morning.
“How much do you
want for the room?”
“You mean rent?
Don’t worry about it. The house is paid for the month. If you decide to stay
we’ll split the rent differently next month.”
This was a deal I
just couldn’t refuse, but I told Derek I'd see how the night went. I didn’t
want to commit without seeing the place. What if the house was a bungalows by
chicken coups next to the cornfields? A day's work at one of those on Li had
been more than I could take. I'm not sure what had bothered me the most: the
crowing roosters or the pungent smell. Neither was something I wanted to get
used to. I'm also surprised she'd agree to go home with two guys she doesn't know. Are things different in the future? Can people be trusted?
It turned out
Derek and Rick had rented one of the elegant houses right on the sand of the
main beach and there were three bedrooms I could choose from. I picked a small
one with a view of the beach and locked myself in for the night just in case
there was more to the offer than what was spoken.
The next morning I
found Rick in the kitchen washing dishes by himself. He didn’t look at me when
I greeted him, so my smile was wasted on the back of his head.
“Would you like
something to eat?” he asked.
“Breakfast sounds
good, but shouldn’t we wait for Derek?” This seems a little forced. Plus, for all she knows he could be on his way down.
“He won’t wake up
for another couple hours. You’re welcome to wait, but I already ate.”
“I can’t wait two
hours. I need to look for work and the good jobs get taken early.” I said to
the exposed neck.
He turned. “What
do you do?”
“Mostly menial
jobs (be specific - it will help with the world-building) that pay by the hour, then I don’t need to commit to anything long term.”
“They probably
don’t pay much either.”
“True, but the money
is enough that a day of work will last me two or three days. And it only takes
me about a month to save enough to travel somewhere else.” Is this what she does? Works a little to travel? I'd like to see this conversation moved to dinner last night and maybe add to it with at least one personal revelation.
He looked
skeptical, but I just shrugged. “It works for me. I’ve been living this way for
fourteen years--ever since I graduated.” So that makes her around 36? (Assuming she graduated at 18 and 4 years university)
His eyebrows shot
towards the low ceiling. “Graduated in what?”
“Geography, which
is why I’m exploring the galaxy.” I pulled out the notebook from the bag that
never left my side. “There's more in here than drawings of tattoos. I take notes
wherever I go.”
Rick walked over
to the stove and poured mugs of coffee for us both. He handed me one and sat
down across the table. I took a sip--strong and sweet. My face scrunched before
I noticed.
“You can add to
your notes that coffee here isn't good,” he said.
“Coffee is hard to
grow. You need the right climate and soil type, which some planets just don’t
have near the settlement.”
His eye got wider.
“One of my day
jobs on Sambuco was at a coffee plantation,” I said. “I could give you a lecture,
but I won’t.”
“Kavadash has
great coffee.”
“What else is
Kavadash known for?”
“Rocks.”
“Any particular
kind?”
He pulled a tiny
bright blue stone from his pocket and placed it on the table in front of me.
“These.”
“You mean gems!”
My gaze met his
and he nodded. I made no motion to touch the stone. “Are they scattered in the
soil or do you need to mine for them?”
“Both. Anyone can
collect what is dispersed in the riverbeds, but the larger deposits lie in the
royal mines.”
“Who works in the
mines? That’s dangerous.”
“True. But those
who want to make a fortune will venture in. They get to keep two thirds of what
they harvest.” That seems like a lot!
“That’s quite
generous. I should try my hand at it. I’m sure one day of work might go a long
way.”
“It does, even if
one spends half to get them cut. This gem here can pay for all our expenses on
Millanos for a whole month. But women aren't allowed to mine. It’s too
dangerous.”
“That's
unfortunate.”
“It’s for their
own protection.” That sounds condescending.
“Do women in
Kavadash need to be protected?”
“Why don’t you
keep this gem instead of worrying about the mines?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” He was
watching me closely, which prevented him from sounding as casual as he probably
wanted.
I couldn’t tell
what his intention had been when he offered me the stone, but I wasn’t going to
risk getting caught in a trap. “You just said women aren't allowed to mine.
Nobody would believe I acquired it legally. I could be arrested for theft or
prostitution if I tried to sell it.”
Just then we heard
footsteps on the stairs. Rick pocketed the gem before Derek, wrapped in a
bathrobe, walked into the kitchen.
“I had this most
amazing dream,” he said in his own tongue.
Rick stood. “Dear
Derek, there’s a lady in the house, remember? You should get dressed.”
The robe covered
Derek from head to toe and I could see pajama pants peeking out from under the
hem. I doubted he could wear clothes that covered him more, but I kept quiet.
They still didn’t know I understood their language.
Derek froze when
he noticed me, eyes wide as if facing an apparition. “She’s real?”
“Yes,” Rick said.
“And she
understands your language,” I added in the western tongue I used to speak at
school.
They both stared at me with slacked jaws.My first impression here is that I want to know more about Katherine. I want to connect with her on a more emotional level. What does she want? Why is she doing what she's doing? Is she running from something? You don't have to answer those questions but I wonder if we can't get some hints about who Katherine is. And I'm really curious about Derek and Rick. Who are they? Why doesn't Rick like Katherine? What was all that bit with the gems? I'm feeling a lot more suspicious about them than I did...
But what do you guys think? Anyone care to offer their opinion?
2 comments:
This reads like the scene in a scary movie when one of the characters goes down to the basement after the lights go off. You want to yell, ARe You StUpid or what?
Is crime so non-existent in this world that she doesn't have to worry about two strange men?
Also, be careful of those 'well, duh' sections. The first sentence needs cut. You don't need to "tell" us that Rick is intervening before she replies. Just let him say it and "show" the reader his agitation/irritation.
Thanks for the comments.
I can move part of this conversation to the restaurant and build that scene up so there is more characterization all around. That might be a good spot to talk about how traveling is rare in the galaxy.
I don't want Katherine to come across as naive. She's 32 (no college) and she's been traveling for 14 years. She's met different people along the way and, given her lifestyle, she does need to trust strangers to a certain level. Some of the more remote colonies have no hotels and the only option is to rent a room in someone's house.
Katherine lives for the moment and that can get her into trouble. She just spent her savings on a tattoo because of her impulsiveness. Now she needs food and lodgings on a strange settlement. When Derek pays the bill, she's not going to argue and waste the little money she has left. Then he offers her a free room. Her other option is to look for a different stranger to barter with.
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