I've been watching the clock for the last ten minutes. When the bell rings I bolt out of the seat, but not as quickly as Daniel. He’s on his feet and scoops up my books before I can grab them. I have to jog to catch him in the hall.
“Where are you going with my things?” I ask.
Daniel gives me an exasperated look. “Out to the truck, so I can take you home. You have a problem with that?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. I’ll walk
home,” I say
and reach for my books.
“Look Sandra, I have a monster of a headache, don’t be a jerk. I’m sorry if I spoiled your fun, but it was for your own good. Just get in the truck,
and I’ll take you home ,” he says.
“What do you mean, ‘for my own good’?”
and not now. If you really want, I’ll
explain it to you some day. Right now, all I want is to take you home and get on back to the peace of
my own home. Please don’t make this harder than it already is,” he says looking at me like I’ve
done something to hurt his feelings.
I reach out and put my hand on his arm.
“Don’t,” he says stepping away from me. “Just don’t try to make it better. Not now. Put your coat on, and let’s get out of here.”
Present tense is a ‘witch’ to do right. I couldn't do it, that’s for sure. Good job!
See if you agree with my edits. After you've established that he ‘wants to take her home’, limit the reference in the remainder of the conversation. This highlights the dramatic moment and makes your storyline zoom.
Regarding the attribute, ‘he says looking at me…’ IMO you don’t need to explain. The word ‘please’ creates a plaintive image in my mind of his attitude and is good enough. Sometimes a single word, please, shows what you want the reader to see/feel.