Thursday, September 13, 2012

#3 Twitter Pitches and Loglines


All Koral ever wanted was a chance to fall in love and have a family, but the gods have other plans and they don’t mind destroying him in the process.

IMO, you need something other than ‘…a chance to fall in love and have a family…’ as our introduction to Koral. Like a definitive character trait or a unique aspect of his life. A bigger consequence of loss.
The last half of the logline is great, btw J
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4 comments:

  1. PatchiSeptember 13, 2012 at 8:22 AM

    I like the logline as is. But if koral is doing something to get what he wants, you might want to mention that instead.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ink in the BookSeptember 13, 2012 at 8:41 AM

    I like this a lot.

    I stumbled on "don't mind destroying" Maybe something like, "don't care if they destroy him..."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brooke R. BusseSeptember 13, 2012 at 2:13 PM

      I agree with Ink's comment. I was tripping over that as well and I think they've found a solution.

      Delete
  3. Liz A.September 13, 2012 at 4:19 PM

    I like the second part. The "a chance to fall in love and have a family" feels too generic to me.

    ReplyDelete

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