Thursday, September 13, 2012

#2 Twitter Pitches and Loglines


David and Cat: top graduates and best friends, until he discovers she is next in line for a hereditary throne that should not exist on their planet.

I keep stumbling over ‘…that should not exist…’ and I don’t know why. 
Otherwise I'd definitely read on.

at

4 comments:

  1. Ink in the BookSeptember 13, 2012 at 8:38 AM

    Sounds compelling! I'd read on - it sounds intriguing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brooke R. BusseSeptember 13, 2012 at 2:11 PM

    Maybe it's that "should not" could be the contraction "shouldn't"?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Liz A.September 13, 2012 at 4:19 PM

    Top graduates of what?

    ReplyDelete
  4. PatchiSeptember 13, 2012 at 4:45 PM

    This is my longer one:

    Top graduates ever from the Academy of Demia, David and Catrine were a team until he discovers she is next in line for a hereditary throne -- one that should not even exist on a planet that valued merit over birthright.

    Won't work for twitter, but has all the info.

    ReplyDelete

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