Why 50 Shades got it Wrong

To be fair...I'm sure 50 Shades has it's place. And I don't have anything against explicit sexual literature. (And I use the term lightly). But it was so poorly written. So very very poorly written. I don't want to laugh and say "Um. Yah. That is not what a woman would think/say/do EVER." when I'm reading a sex scene. Fantasy is one thing, but it has to be based in some semblance of reality in order for me to get lost in it. Do you see?

That said...Diana Gabaldon has written some of the most absorbing...Historical Romance (?) books on the market. Personally I would argue the are simply Historical Fiction. I mean every good love story has sex, yah? Romeo and Juliet has sex...Elizabeth and Darcy have sex...we just don't get to read about it. In Diana G's books she writes it in. Very well. And tastefully. And it makes you lust after the lead character Jamie as though he were a living, breathing, entity. She writes seduction. Not just sex. He acts like a stubborn, bullheaded scotsman. She acts like a self-righteous know it all. But some how...these are two of the best suited lovers in a long time. And when they get together...you feel what they feel.

"He was surprised. 'You don't need to wait? I canna do it again right away after....'
'Well, women are different.'
'Aye. I noticed.' He muttered.
He circled my wrist with hes thumb and index finger. 'Its just...you're so small; I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you.'
'You are not going to hurt me,' I said impatiently. 'And if you did, I wouldn't mind.' Seeing puzzled incomprehension on his face, I decided to show him what I meant. 
'What are you doing?' he asked, shocked.
'Just what it looks like. Hold still.' After a few moments, I began to use my teeth, pressing progressively harder until he drew in his breath with a sharp hiss. I stopped.
'Did I hurt you?' I asked.
'Yes. A little.' He sounded half-strangled.
'Do you want me to stop?"
'No!'
I went on, being deliberately rough, until he suddenly convulsed, with a groan that sounded as though I had torn his heart out by the roots. He lay back, quivering and breathing heavily. He muttered something in Gaelic, eyes closed.
'What did you say?'
'I said,' he answered, opening his eyes, 'I thought my heart was going to burst.'
I grinned, pleased with myself. 'Oh, Murtagh and company didn't tell you about that, either?'
'Aye, they did. That was one of the things I didn't believe.'

~Diana Gabaldon "Outlander"

Diana does this a lot. The use of dialogue. The byplay between characters to get at what she's trying to convey. It's very clever. And not a single Inner Goddess sighed anywhere...

So. What do you think? Taking into account that there's a place for every type of scene...Does this type of dialogue heavy byplay leave you cold? Or is this what you're aiming for in the bedroom of your books? So to speak...