tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post886676316804361706..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: QueryCon Final #1--Escape From the Forbidden PlanetHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-24359945197183165052012-08-29T00:00:02.645-05:002012-08-29T00:00:02.645-05:00Hi Julie,
I agree with the comments regarding the ...Hi Julie,<br />I agree with the comments regarding the 4th paragraph. Other than that it's a fun query. I especially like the final paragraph, it says a lot about your personality and sense of humor :)<br /><br />Best of luck!abuckley23https://www.blogger.com/profile/10198891095614021346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-16568482233040279672012-08-27T23:45:33.118-05:002012-08-27T23:45:33.118-05:00Thanks Amy
With Nancy's suggestions, I think t...Thanks Amy<br />With Nancy's suggestions, I think that have honed the 4th paragraph, so thank you for stopping by. Cheers JulieJambohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01704840860387375378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-47293105042808468012012-08-27T22:01:10.745-05:002012-08-27T22:01:10.745-05:00Hi Julie,
This is a very fun query and caught my ...Hi Julie,<br /><br />This is a very fun query and caught my attention. I'd recommend tightening it just a tad in that fourth paragraph. We would request the full if we accepted MG.<br /><br />Wishing you luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13877727173763198602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-50175460126014335252012-08-27T16:55:56.069-05:002012-08-27T16:55:56.069-05:00Hi Nancy and Krystal
Thank you very much for takin...Hi Nancy and Krystal<br />Thank you very much for taking the time to help me hone my query. Your suggestions were wonderful. Cheers Julie Grasso Jambohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01704840860387375378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-49349238050619156162012-08-27T15:08:47.003-05:002012-08-27T15:08:47.003-05:00You catch the reader's interest, however it co...You catch the reader's interest, however it could benefit from some tightening. It gets a little frenetic and confusing in the middle. In the last bit you suddenly talk about the Alexander clones and the reader goes hmm who are they- don't introduce new characters at this point- we don't know they are the clones who sent her to Earth, nor do we know until now that her grandparents are on Earth too. You only said they disappeared earlier. <br /><br />See below:<br /><br />12-Year-Old-Caramel Cinnamon, a telepathic elf from the planet Cardamom thought the worst day of her life was when her grandparent’s, the King and Queen of Cardamom, went missing. <br /><br />She was wrong! <br /><br />It is the day she spills a sticky toffee syrup onto her father’s computer and her worst nightmare begins. She finds herself marooned on a forbidden planet called Earth sent there [I am assuming??]by an evil clone with a very sticky secret. <br /><br />Caramel is desperate to find a way to escape and rescue her grandparents. If she fails she will never return to Cardamom and become a healer like her Mum. With the help of a motley crew of Earth friends, Caramel embarks on an outrageous plan to defeat her enemies and rescue her grandparents. No problem, piece of cake. Except her grandfather is wounded in the rescue, and the spaceship they jumped on to escape is now hurtling out of control towards Cardamom. <br /><br />Luckily, she has a secret of her own and the lives of her family and friends depend on it!<br /><br />I would be very pleased if you would like to view the full manuscript, but I would suggest you have a snack nearby if you do. My elves are quite partial to sticky date and chocolate with caramel syrup and reading may induce a sugar craving.Nancy Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03356478899930577271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-48504096176984662712012-08-27T10:07:25.397-05:002012-08-27T10:07:25.397-05:00This sounds fun. But we don't publish MG. Good...This sounds fun. But we don't publish MG. Good luck with getting this one published! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11805206329378779413noreply@blogger.com