tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post7323992157678520883..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Dialogue Submission #1Huntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-3198203224772636062011-08-12T04:26:01.375-05:002011-08-12T04:26:01.375-05:00"Alright" isn't a word, I don't ..."Alright" isn't a word, I don't care what the Brits say. You don't say <i>alwrong</i>, do you?<br /><br />I agree, kill the exposition, it slows down your dialogue. Dialogue should be snappy back and forth. Also, the words should convey tone and meaning, thus you shouldn't need the descriptor tags.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05073344742586893980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-1470346474376539422011-08-10T14:24:17.710-05:002011-08-10T14:24:17.710-05:00I'm going to point this out simply because it&...I'm going to point this out simply because it's a peeve. "Your right, Mo..." should be "You're right, Mo..." :)<br /><br />I read the whole thing, but the only comment I have on the dialogue itself is in the piece I mentioned above. The second part of the sentence is just a little too wordy and it reads slightly awkward. I would suggest cutting 'some of'.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-730250070599779152011-08-10T14:20:22.521-05:002011-08-10T14:20:22.521-05:00Ditto what Charity said. There wasn't much dia...Ditto what Charity said. There wasn't much dialogue to crit.<br /><br />Watch the use of pronouns. Too many gum up the storyline. Watch your reliance on ‘as’ and ‘ing’ at the beginning of sentences. Their use weakens your sentence structure and can lead to physical impossibilities. <br /><br />Try for simple nouns, simple verbs to clarify sentences. Example: She ignores her fingers numb from touching him and shakes her head.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.com