tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post5608125996621331975..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Of Wishes MadeHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-7330731672533529962011-09-27T21:45:48.385-05:002011-09-27T21:45:48.385-05:00Intriguing. Yes, I agree some of the verbiage int...Intriguing. Yes, I agree some of the verbiage interrupts the flow, but its a good mystery to start with. Oh, I guess there has been more to this posted? <br /><br />I'd like to know more about this mysterious person who is invisible in the crowd. And why "she" can see him.<br /><br />........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-1410680174136513732011-09-27T14:01:22.827-05:002011-09-27T14:01:22.827-05:00Hm. Lots of verbs are mucking up the works.
*note ...Hm. Lots of verbs are mucking up the works.<br />*note to self: watch the d*** verbs*Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-41963547138992953882011-09-27T08:34:52.467-05:002011-09-27T08:34:52.467-05:00was she the one mesmerized, making her run into hi...was she the one mesmerized, making her run into him? her question confused me...<br />i'd like to know more about this mysterious guy!Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-10892047178358769372011-09-27T07:33:54.691-05:002011-09-27T07:33:54.691-05:00I agree with Brooke about "like". Having...I agree with Brooke about "like". Having seen this before, I'm still struck with this idea of yours. <br /><br />I also agree with Marcy. Even with the little bit that comes before this, you might want to specify what he expected. That she wouldn't see him at all for starters, and touch him?! I think the reader needs to know in that instance that this is a BIG deal.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-20130112657861977462011-09-27T07:09:49.688-05:002011-09-27T07:09:49.688-05:00I didn’t see you, like, standing there. Like just ...<i>I didn’t see you, like, standing there.</i> Like just interrupts the flow of the dialogue and just kind of screams.<br /><br />Your description of her eye color was brilliant. I like the burnt flowers metaphor.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.com