tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post4393589748147350879..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: WE OF THE UNIVERSE - part threeHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-51675593246691511922012-02-23T21:14:53.753-06:002012-02-23T21:14:53.753-06:00I think I'm starting to understand why everyon...I think I'm starting to understand why everyone was blond. It's a Hitler sort of thing, no?<br /><br />Again, watch out for that verb "seemed." Also, you said the man was "solid" then said he had a "solid jaw." You might want to come up with a different adjective or just reword the sentence.<br /><br />Was I the only one who felt this went a little fast? Especially the part where she meets the man. I want to know more about her feelings and why she would kiss him back. I think fixing the telling mentioned above would help with this problem.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-77443213478076492872012-02-19T20:07:22.019-06:002012-02-19T20:07:22.019-06:00I loved this. I'm stopping over from the Campa...I loved this. I'm stopping over from the Campaign. Cheers.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07995267172282765794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-40635804971647119132012-02-18T15:43:52.698-06:002012-02-18T15:43:52.698-06:00I'm saying hello from the campaign. I'm in...I'm saying hello from the campaign. I'm intrigued to know more about the universe created here. It's a compelling voice. I can't offer much in the way of criticism apart from, show not tell!Nick Wilfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03841776353790635132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-10540459131220573312012-02-17T22:15:10.714-06:002012-02-17T22:15:10.714-06:00I enjoyed reading this! and liked the writing styl...I enjoyed reading this! and liked the writing style and voice. Nice romantic surprise here in this section (tho I haven't read the other sections). I agree about the "she was deeply conflicted" part--would like to see her being conflicted rather than being told she was conflicted. If we saw her thoughts, for instance, we'd know her degree of being conflicted. It's an interesting world that's set up here.Carol Riggshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14092209912983783974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-40599632663121523472012-02-17T14:54:02.878-06:002012-02-17T14:54:02.878-06:00I would keep reading to figure this out. why she r...I would keep reading to figure this out. why she reacts like she does to contact with the man and if she is as emotionless as she seems.<br /><br />Does she feel fear? Claustrophobia?<br />Hm. InterestingHuntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.com