tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post3790918836273593920..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Critting: working in more voiceHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-52017658470613983342014-04-15T15:54:29.662-05:002014-04-15T15:54:29.662-05:00The non-use of pronouns was jarring to me (but tha...The non-use of pronouns was jarring to me (but that's just me...) and I think the last line would be stronger without words, just : Glenna smiled, wrapping her fingers around his neck - altho I'd change it to: Glenna smiled and wrapped her fingers around his neck. But again, that's me. <br /><br />I do like how this excerpt has the feel of the future. mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.com