tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post3663928798355763837..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Suspense #4Huntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-73890934067803000032011-11-12T10:30:20.842-06:002011-11-12T10:30:20.842-06:00I concur. Just this little bit makes me very curio...I concur. Just this little bit makes me very curious about these people and what has happened.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-53531139371200744052011-11-10T14:09:15.141-06:002011-11-10T14:09:15.141-06:00In the video, she hovered close to the camera with...<i>In the video, she hovered close to the camera with only the bluish light of an empty message frame on her.</i> This is slightly confusing. I know what you mean, I think, but the wording is a little strange. Are you saying that the light from the frame was the only light? If so, perhaps reword to something along the lines of <i>In the video, she hovered close to the camera with only the bluish light from an empty message frame lighting her face.</i><br /><br />Otherwise, I liked it and the unique dialogue that your MC uses. I also like the inner conflict. ^^Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-20534361653295506122011-11-10T13:33:49.955-06:002011-11-10T13:33:49.955-06:00very intense - wish I knew more behind this scene!...very intense - wish I knew more behind this scene! (had to read it twice to figure out who was who, but I'm sure reading the before part would clear that up)<br /><br />great writing!Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-45753168491381920362011-11-10T08:52:54.579-06:002011-11-10T08:52:54.579-06:00It isn’t often that I find nothing to crit.
But ...It isn’t often that I find nothing to crit.<br /> <br />But there are always a few submissions that burn low then burst like fireworks on my senses.<br /><br />This is one of those rare examples.<br /><br />Excellent dialogue. The scene pulled me so fast my head is still spinning. The tension is FanFreakinTastic.<br /><br />Good job, whoever you are. Surely, you are close to publication with stuff like this.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.com