tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post1433512597220700213..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: #1 Pop TravelHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-75632529099997068502011-11-03T00:20:23.104-05:002011-11-03T00:20:23.104-05:00New follower here! I like what you have. I'll ...New follower here! I like what you have. I'll give you a response from a gal (a friend of mine) who just read The Help. She loved the story, but struggle with one of the accents. My personal opinion is accents can be done, but they must be consistent throughout! You've done a great job!<br />JamieJamie Brook Thompsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09364639353243129548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-52026203780852603752011-11-02T10:16:58.921-05:002011-11-02T10:16:58.921-05:00thank y'all so much!!
its great to see so many...thank y'all so much!!<br />its great to see so many responses!Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-36846024106867377862011-11-02T09:47:40.048-05:002011-11-02T09:47:40.048-05:00I have only one thing to add to the above suggesti...I have only one thing to add to the above suggestions, all of which are excellent. Be careful with the southern accent. Accents are very difficult to write well but once you do it you have to be consistent throughout. And I believe Brooke is correct about the apostrophe. I'll also say that the more of these little excerpts I read of this story the more interesting I find it!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-69373605638594928162011-11-02T07:13:46.703-05:002011-11-02T07:13:46.703-05:00I really enjoyed this. I like the voices of both c...I really enjoyed this. I like the voices of both characters, they are very clear and interesting.<br />I like the edits suggested and would make two more tiny ones.<br /><br />First, in these sentences: I admired your propriety,” she said. Then she halted their stroll to look him in the eyes. - I would take out THEN. It stopped the flow a bit for me.<br /><br />Second, in this sentence: His answer must have been satisfactory because she resumed walking and talking. - I would take out TALKING. it's obvious that she does resume talking.<br />They are minor things, but interrupted the flow a big for me.<br /><br />Hope to read more!Halli Gomezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09667712458691917486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-58347571704728322642011-11-02T06:23:10.648-05:002011-11-02T06:23:10.648-05:00One thing I love is the well-established character...One thing I love is the well-established character traits, rock solid in my mind.<br /><br />The woman seems effusive but sharp-eyed. She won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.<br /> <br />JL is impatient, dismissive, thinks she has nothing helpful to add to his investigation.<br /><br />I believe her strength is about to uproot his erroneous first impression.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-84472960243654779422011-11-02T01:15:17.423-05:002011-11-02T01:15:17.423-05:00I thought this was well written and edited. I migh...I thought this was well written and edited. I might also edit where it says "ditch her. He didn’t have all night to chit chat with her." I'd cut off the second her at the end, making it "ditch her. He didn't have all night to chit chat."<br /><br />Just a thought. Great work here.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563209830154165271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-52233787206916211142011-11-01T21:13:13.731-05:002011-11-01T21:13:13.731-05:00I actually really like her southern drawl, though ...I actually really like her southern drawl, though I will point out that when you drop the g's at the end of -ing words, you should put an apostrophe.<br /><br /><i>It was about five o’clock with the sun still beating strong and bright above the grounds to the west so they wandered in and out of shade pockets from the majestic pines and full, longstanding maples.</i> I would slightly rework this sentence to read like this. <i>It was about five o'clock and the sun still beat strong and bright in the west. They wandered in and out of shade pockets under the majestic pines and full, longstanding maples.</i> Also in third to last paragraph I would ditch <i>with her</i> so as to avoid repetition.<br /><br />I really want to know why he's here and so anxious to get away from her.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.com