tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post972600551212433066..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: first chapter - Thinking of YouHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-52123883416422267642012-03-19T23:06:47.262-05:002012-03-19T23:06:47.262-05:00It took me a minute to figure out what "the w...It took me a minute to figure out what "the wave" meant, but I don't mind working a little to get to know characters, their world, and abilities. I would have liked a word like "mental wave" or something to show how she uses her ability to control another's thoughts.<br /><br />The only real confusion I had was at the door that Tass opened. The got inside, saw all the chained kids unloading the carrier, went to a sealed door, Tass used her ability to open it, then close it. Now they are on the other side of the heavy door, but the can still see and be seen by the chained kids?<br /><br />I liked the pacing and bits of world building. I like to get to know characters as they move through a world in the beginning and I think you did well adding all the elements of mystery, engaging characters, and introduction of an alternative world.<br /><br />Sounds like an exciting novel Brooke.<br /><br />......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-89683065386376405932012-03-16T19:00:24.371-05:002012-03-16T19:00:24.371-05:00Watch British tv shows, listen to how they speak. ...Watch British tv shows, listen to how they speak. Seriously. This helped me fix this problem (I hope!). If the brits are good at something it's taking verbal shortcuts. And the hundreds of dialects alone! Whoa. But really. Close your eyes and *listen* to a British sitcom. It is HARD to understand them. But it helps to learn how to really hear how people *actually* speak to each other.Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-80494983927010148932012-03-16T00:14:05.559-05:002012-03-16T00:14:05.559-05:00Yes, the proper English! That has been pointed out...Yes, the proper English! That has been pointed out to me before. Now, I just have to learn how to go through and NOT be a perfectionist.Brooke R. Bussehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147444223968856153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-61142948272811351172012-03-15T17:52:12.922-05:002012-03-15T17:52:12.922-05:00The POWER!!! BWAHAHAH!!! heeheh...
The more the ...The POWER!!! BWAHAHAH!!! heeheh...<br /><br />The more the merrier.. :)Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-63579774330783867842012-03-15T17:15:56.937-05:002012-03-15T17:15:56.937-05:00Good, I'm glad someone disagreed with me! Beca...Good, I'm glad someone disagreed with me! Because it just goes to show why we all need more than one beta reader.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-84204851768812528102012-03-15T17:01:00.168-05:002012-03-15T17:01:00.168-05:00I really enjoyed this. I disagree though with the ...I really enjoyed this. I disagree though with the suggestion of describing what it is Rebbsie can do. There are many sci-fi/fantasy books where the author just throws you face first into the world they've created and you (the reader) must put two and two together, rather then have it handed to you on a plate. I, personally, enjoy that. It makes the world more real to me. As though the author just assumes you know what the reality is...because, well, doesn't EVERYBODY? <br />Good speed of action. Dialogue is good, I would, imho, try and give my characters more of a distinct dialect. As this is a different world (?) Certainly a different society that you've created (Awesome!) I get stuck on the perfect use of very proper English. <br />Overall I really enjoyed this! I would definitely read on!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.com