tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post761012472947024609..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Out of Touch - part two Huntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-60460218566284746832014-09-25T12:06:35.617-05:002014-09-25T12:06:35.617-05:00I agree with Marcy's suggestions. Go easy on t...I agree with Marcy's suggestions. Go easy on the descriptions. It's hard, but it helps a lot with the pacing.Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-7194655547748139542014-09-25T09:11:30.371-05:002014-09-25T09:11:30.371-05:00Walking the line between giving too much backstory...Walking the line between giving too much backstory and confusing the reader is difficult. My eye wanders during descriptions. <br />Why give the full address? Give me 'the address...has always been...New York, in a three square mile cluster of Irish families." <br /><br />"hairy eyeball" cracked me up.<br />The phrase "prior to that" seems a bit formal for this ms.<br /><br /><br /><br />Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-3823476771408794462014-09-24T19:35:16.422-05:002014-09-24T19:35:16.422-05:00I know; I have a hard time with that as well. In t...I know; I have a hard time with that as well. In the beginning, everything is in the wrong place!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-31341393035182798672014-09-24T16:35:45.524-05:002014-09-24T16:35:45.524-05:00I have fixed the Franny thing, agree on the Fitzge...I have fixed the Franny thing, agree on the Fitzgerald thing (but I don't know where to put it... something more to ponder), and will work on the last as well...<br /><br />Parsing out the information...uggh! Thanks for the help:)Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.com