tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post7370065256320555769..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Query Critique - THE RISE AND FALL OF A HALLWAY SUPERHERO Huntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-44548650473993504222014-04-09T06:33:47.747-05:002014-04-09T06:33:47.747-05:00I like the cuts, but I do think that taking out th...I like the cuts, but I do think that taking out the (almost super) makes for some odd logic when it comes to the descriptions of the bullies, because "villainous" doesn't really conjure up images of "giant" or "bone-chewing" in my opinion. Maybe "super-powered thugs" or "super villains"? <br /><br />Great exercise!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04433305212379655397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-15107305763995592632014-04-08T12:29:10.958-05:002014-04-08T12:29:10.958-05:00Thanks guys! I agree, there was definitely some fa...Thanks guys! I agree, there was definitely some fat to chop there, I'd just read the dang thing too many times to see it -- I'll get all of that taken care of right away. Thanks! Keep up the awesome work!Davyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10056500213088531650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-14537163203446216462014-04-08T11:11:23.824-05:002014-04-08T11:11:23.824-05:00Just popping in to say that this sounds like a sup...Just popping in to say that this sounds like a super fun story!Jessica Lawsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08916560941871741885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-54532149851615250612014-04-08T10:20:09.995-05:002014-04-08T10:20:09.995-05:00This query seems pretty strong to me. I love the ...This query seems pretty strong to me. I love the premise and the "things are not as they appear" twist at the end. Huntress has great suggestions for trimming the fat. Good luck!Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.com