tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post5216634946323837638..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: QueryCon #8--And Jakob Flew the Fiend AwayHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-31867368946928537542012-08-29T00:26:46.945-05:002012-08-29T00:26:46.945-05:00Definitely a long query. Remember you don't ha...Definitely a long query. Remember you don't have to cover all of your story in the query. Keep enough to entice the reader but you can probably trim it back a bit. abuckley23https://www.blogger.com/profile/10198891095614021346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-19595950805070952212012-08-28T20:45:42.744-05:002012-08-28T20:45:42.744-05:00The title is based off a line in Shakespeare's...The title is based off a line in Shakespeare's Sonnet 145, which is worked into the story a couple of times. <br /><br />Thanks for your input!Carrie-Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05810154378449825641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-13669994522323448022012-08-27T23:27:42.198-05:002012-08-27T23:27:42.198-05:00Hi Carrie-Anne,
This looks like a very interestin...Hi Carrie-Anne,<br /><br />This looks like a very interesting story, but I would recommend trimming the length of your query. Cut out anything that isn't critical to catching the editor's attention. Otherwise it is very well-written,which is a good indication to me that the story is well-written.<br /><br />We wish you best of luck in the querying process!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13877727173763198602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-69683291355765491902012-08-27T14:40:02.332-05:002012-08-27T14:40:02.332-05:00I find the title confusing. I am not sure how Jako...I find the title confusing. I am not sure how Jakob flies the fiend away, I keep wanting to read Jakob BLEW the Fiend Away. The first paragraph is good, the rest needs some tightening. Acquisitions editors see hundreds of queries in a week. You need to get their attention and then the trick is to hold it. Give them the bones of your story. My suggestion is below:<br /><br />Jakob DeJonghe can think of nothing but revenge when the Nazis coerce his father to commit suicide and his little sister mysteriously disappears the day before Yom Kippur. As conditions in Amsterdam worsen, Jakob is determined to fight back and be the master of his own destiny, just as his heroes the Maccabees did in ancient times.<br /><br />Jakob jumps from a death train, and breaks his foot. Desperately fleeing for his life he runs into four young resistance fighters and taken to a safe house. Even though Jakob is crippled from his escape, he’s still determined to defend his country. <br /><br />His wish comes true when he joins the resistance group. A chance meeting with a young woman on one of his missions awakens emotions he thought he’d buried. After being recruited into the Princess Irene Brigade Jakob realizes his battle is only half-won. If he ever wants to survive a world that will never be ordinary again,love and not hate will have to carry him through. <br /><br />And Jakob Flew the Fiend Away, a historical fiction Bildungsroman spanning the years 1940-46 and set in the Netherlands and the Dutch East Indies, is complete at 120,000 words. Nancy Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03356478899930577271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-2247098805220464762012-08-27T09:48:39.462-05:002012-08-27T09:48:39.462-05:00Great query. This really flows well. :-)Great query. This really flows well. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11805206329378779413noreply@blogger.com