tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post497566766383268255..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Submission #4--The Key CollectiveHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-74248444580306043872012-04-26T17:21:21.634-05:002012-04-26T17:21:21.634-05:00Good point. And the steampunk comes in about a par...Good point. And the steampunk comes in about a paragraph or two later. *Shakes fist at word count limit!*Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-17235279970647537362012-04-26T17:19:36.824-05:002012-04-26T17:19:36.824-05:00Thanks for the suggestions Amber...All I'm goi...Thanks for the suggestions Amber...All I'm going to say is, good eye on the details. :) Bwahahahah! I'm glad you enjoyed it!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-42322908479009810812012-04-26T07:16:28.634-05:002012-04-26T07:16:28.634-05:00I still can't get the survey to work for me......I still can't get the survey to work for me...but it must be my laptop because I can log on with my phone and have no troubles at all...so I'll do that in just a minute. <br /><br />I really like this and would def. read on. I have a couple of questions/comments. <br /><br />I would begin with 'Assignations are a funny bussiness.' or something along tat line, and then keep everything the same. You start that paragraph with the key, and then kind of repeat at the end of the paragraph with the key. So for numbers sake, in contest I would cut your first 3 sentences, and just reword the 'assignation' sentence to be your opener. then you get some more room to tell us more at the bottom :)<br /><br />Other things I noticed were the socks....if she's a prostitute I was wondering why she was wearing socks...personally I picture stockings or something along those lines. But then you mentioned callused hands and it really got me thinking. I wondered what a 'working' girl is doing with callused hands. But it also makes me wonder if those words 'socks' and 'calluses' are clues that she is one unique 'working' woman. Either way I would def. read on. I'm I'm yelling at my computer 'LOOK UP!' <br /><br />Great job!Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00368485571268832781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-80698477506855918592012-04-26T07:13:38.306-05:002012-04-26T07:13:38.306-05:00FWIW, that paragraph doesn't tell me anything ...FWIW, that paragraph doesn't tell me anything I could not have guessed about a parking garage. I know the genre is "steampunk" but so far it's not looking very steampunk-y...blankenship.louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541461775158369620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-28963545312753478982012-04-25T17:45:00.514-05:002012-04-25T17:45:00.514-05:00Thought it was really spot on!Thought it was really spot on!Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10678343815209441212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-1974941841675341122012-04-25T12:07:45.369-05:002012-04-25T12:07:45.369-05:00Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-91711796793996221342012-04-25T12:07:18.375-05:002012-04-25T12:07:18.375-05:00Now see this is interesting because that paragraph...Now see this is interesting because that paragraph has bugged me...though it's kinda where the 400 ended (odd spot)...but that paragraph in particular has driven me nuts. I want to set the Place. That seemed to be the best time to do it. She does move on pretty quickly..but I can't seem to rework that paragraph to have it flow the way I want it to...gah. I should just ditch it.Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-80137464126134390932012-04-25T12:04:45.142-05:002012-04-25T12:04:45.142-05:00I know! I'm nervous about that! Hope you guys ...I know! I'm nervous about that! Hope you guys tear into it! Glad people seem to be enjoying it though...Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-42903187576563662902012-04-25T12:03:49.095-05:002012-04-25T12:03:49.095-05:00Thanks! :) I'm still working on it. Thought th...Thanks! :) I'm still working on it. Thought the anonymous feedback would be interesting!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-22104039785423449542012-04-25T11:40:35.798-05:002012-04-25T11:40:35.798-05:00So cool! Great work.
Sarah Allen
(my creative wri...So cool! Great work.<br /><br /><a href="http://fromsarahwithjoy.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Sarah Allen<br />(my creative writing blog)</a>Sarah Allenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01185278849400551014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-70276941532808385402012-04-25T10:02:20.013-05:002012-04-25T10:02:20.013-05:00I got nothin' except to complain about the gap...I got nothin' except to complain about the gap between "Look up." and the character doing it. Mostly because the sample ended before we got there... I don't care about the parking garage, girl, look up!<br /><br />:)blankenship.louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541461775158369620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-40746449084695930742012-04-25T09:57:44.190-05:002012-04-25T09:57:44.190-05:00I'll be critting this on my other blog so I...I'll be critting this on my other blog so I'm not going to say much about it here - except that I would most definitely be turning the page.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-30706711607653221852012-04-25T06:18:43.691-05:002012-04-25T06:18:43.691-05:00and the survey worked for meand the survey worked for meHuntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-32886413934847387222012-04-25T06:18:25.418-05:002012-04-25T06:18:25.418-05:00I've read this before.
Truly an OutFreakin...I've read this before. <br />Truly an OutFreakin'Standing first paragraph. Filled with Voice, tension, and one massive Hook.<br /><br />Love this with all my soul.<br /><br />*did I say I liked it?*Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.com