tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post4824417775254064542..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Pop TravelHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-66481759580487713942011-09-30T12:56:04.705-05:002011-09-30T12:56:04.705-05:00I aim to please. *takes a bow*
That's why I l...I aim to please. *takes a bow*<br /><br />That's why I love fall. We get a break and come back to life.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-87937947744396772082011-09-30T12:35:56.027-05:002011-09-30T12:35:56.027-05:00@ Charity
*still laughing*@ Charity<br />*still laughing*Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-78090779333187901422011-09-30T12:08:29.287-05:002011-09-30T12:08:29.287-05:00I agree with Carol and Tara. Everything else looks...I agree with Carol and Tara. Everything else looks good. My only comment was the dialogue felt off, but I think its because of the accent or "twang" you are trying to portray. And I'm from the south.<br /><br />I like to say that in the south we only have one setting when it comes to talking...slow. Why? because it's so dang humid the life is being sucked out of us. LOLCharity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-72554901801350122612011-09-29T20:23:25.022-05:002011-09-29T20:23:25.022-05:00huntress, is that "in my humble opinion?"...huntress, is that "in my humble opinion?" or am i an ID 10 T? ha ha, been waiting to use it!<br /><br />as for the piece, i can see toning down the pronouns and twangisms. and there's always room for improving the showing! as the writer it can be hard to get out of our mc's head, knowing what they think, to show the innocent readers!Tara Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-50077800826492124172011-09-29T07:50:10.276-05:002011-09-29T07:50:10.276-05:00It is tricky portraying accents. I suggest using v...It is tricky portraying accents. I suggest using very few since it slows my reader’s eye. I have to stop, translate, and then move on. By saying “…she said in a thick drawl…” you have conveyed her accent and the reader will automatically interpret. Sprinkle the southern pronounced words sparingly. <br /><br />Trim some of the pronouns whenever possible. Your story will move faster without them.<br /><br />In the fourth paragraph, you might consider less ‘tell’. Note that you are ‘telling’ us that Cooper thinks the lady is pushy rather than letting the readers come to their own conclusion. This is evident in the first sentence also. <br /><br />I find the third person very refreshing, btw. IMHO, too many books are written in first. LOL, including mine.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.com