tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post3937016197828808749..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Dear KatherineHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-11355151443931567382012-12-04T09:35:35.534-06:002012-12-04T09:35:35.534-06:00I need more of this sub. Yowza.
I agree with the ...I need more of this sub. Yowza.<br /><br />I agree with the tell vs show. There are lots of ways to clean this up and make this pop. <br />Even though it does have flaws, dang, this drew me in big time.<br /><br />Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-5039848289192005152012-12-03T15:00:33.639-06:002012-12-03T15:00:33.639-06:00Thanks everyone for the comments. I was a bit relu...Thanks everyone for the comments. I was a bit reluctant to share from the first draft, but you guys are great. This is the start of a 500 word prologue and my main goal is to establish a link to the other book. In the rest of the novel Katherine tells her story in her own voice and it starts a year before this meeting. When she gets to this same scene I show her words. I didn't want it to sound repetitive hence the telling here. If this book gets published first,I'll probably skip the prologue. But as the link to the other book doesn't happen until the midpoint, I think I need this foretelling. We'll see what survives revisions :)Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-46493196116622031792012-12-03T12:13:48.875-06:002012-12-03T12:13:48.875-06:00Cool!Cool!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-34315786266913619612012-12-03T11:57:07.608-06:002012-12-03T11:57:07.608-06:00I like the title of her workI like the title of her workDEZMONDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14127166104359407763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-53664842668202503322012-12-03T10:06:06.839-06:002012-12-03T10:06:06.839-06:00Show rather than tell. The first half of the page...Show rather than tell. The first half of the page is just the author meanering through an explanation of what is going to happen once the dialogue starts. Most of the information should be disbursed through the dialogue or even tucked in after this page is over. We don't need it right now, and the important stuff is in the dialogue anyway.<br /><br />Start with something like "I consider myself a nomad" or actually show her walking into the office--heavy tread, her dress, her attitude, etc.<br /><br />LaurenLaurenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04137538450232783883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-60557903100032847262012-12-03T08:24:35.067-06:002012-12-03T08:24:35.067-06:00I agree with Huntress that it started getting inte...I agree with Huntress that it started getting interesting when the dialogue started. It's hard to make suggestions not knowing who the MC is and if both are going to be present for more than a chapter. Assuming both will be around for a while this is what I'd do:<br /><br />Show us the woman walking in. You say she looks just like all the others, but if you show us what she looks like you can take the opportunity to build your world without telling us. Even with the clues you've given, I don't know much about your world yet. Show me with images, textures, colors, and smells.<br /><br />I would keep reading though to see where this is going because the woman's character intrigues me.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.com