tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post3351870059409930323..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: Marabella - Discovering MagicsHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-85366086660832227102014-07-30T18:35:40.638-05:002014-07-30T18:35:40.638-05:00Good images and creating drama. I'd be watch t...Good images and creating drama. I'd be watch the echoing in some places and Resist Explaining. Let the reader's imagination fill in some of the emotions.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-51217168094046316342014-07-29T11:31:48.821-05:002014-07-29T11:31:48.821-05:00I love the foreboding. The darkness of the charact...I love the foreboding. The darkness of the characters' thoughts mirror the weather, which is wonderful. I agree with Marcy that the description of Geremiah is a bit much, especially in an omniscient POV. (I'm assuming it's omniscient. If you want Geremiah to be the POV character, then I would take out Anton's thoughts.)<br /><br />I'm hooked.Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-56563891964400032992014-07-29T01:29:56.587-05:002014-07-29T01:29:56.587-05:00That ends with an uh oh. Which is good.
"The...That ends with an uh oh. Which is good.<br /><br />"The ferry was a simple craft of thick, sturdy wood planks sealed all around with pitch. It was a long box sitting atop the water..."<br /><br />This description took me right out of the scene. Perhaps just describing the ferry and then stating it's a ferry later? <br /><br />I'm curious to see what happens next.Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.com