tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post3347588046568192730..comments2023-08-01T05:26:06.539-05:00Comments on Unicorn Bell: A Choice SubmissionHuntresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-78274499788221971642012-02-24T04:07:48.495-06:002012-02-24T04:07:48.495-06:00Nice work on the crits! Very helpful! And such an ...Nice work on the crits! Very helpful! And such an exciting snippet!PK HREZOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11650153097981426833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-89778526241176979592012-02-23T19:25:04.811-06:002012-02-23T19:25:04.811-06:00Really liked this! And Huntress' crits were ri...Really liked this! And Huntress' crits were right on in my opinion.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-27421097201004019872012-02-23T15:01:00.924-06:002012-02-23T15:01:00.924-06:00Wow - this was fantastic!! I totally want to read ...Wow - this was fantastic!! I totally want to read more. <br /><br />And as for the critique, I was amazed at how just a few simple word changes/structure changes made it jump off the page. I think I'm going to have to take a closer look at my book! lolAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17973242728265092842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-85895909235515786182012-02-23T13:49:26.007-06:002012-02-23T13:49:26.007-06:00Thanks! I'll keep my eyes open for the next ti...Thanks! I'll keep my eyes open for the next time you guys do a "First Chapter" challenge!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-91139424483032714792012-02-23T13:47:21.978-06:002012-02-23T13:47:21.978-06:00I'm glad people are enjoying it! First time A...I'm glad people are enjoying it! First time Anoria has seen the light of day. And yah. I can see the active/passive with others works much easier then my own. So frustrating. I'll submit my first chapter the next time you do one of those challenges...see what shakes loose with that. Though I think I'm going to go over it with a fine tooth 'ING' comb first...Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-31179023016270313292012-02-23T12:42:02.466-06:002012-02-23T12:42:02.466-06:00You are very kind. But loving what I do makes crit...You are very kind. But loving what I do makes critiquing a treat. I am honored by the people who allow me to read their Babies.<br /><br />So much talent is out there. It is simply overwhelming.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-56835602345248973582012-02-23T12:38:18.386-06:002012-02-23T12:38:18.386-06:00I wear the Ing crown of overuse. In my wips, it es...I wear the Ing crown of overuse. In my wips, it escapes my attention every time. <br /><br />Thank Heavens my CPs and Betas are there to save my sorry rump.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-6760142587458769912012-02-23T12:25:13.907-06:002012-02-23T12:25:13.907-06:00I'm a big time abuser of -ing endings so I can...I'm a big time abuser of -ing endings so I can understand your concern with your submission. Thank you, first of all, for allowing this to be shared. Also, Huntress touched on how to best adjust some of the words so they are more active, less passive. That seemed the main thing to catch my attention. Why I can see this so well with others's works but miss them in my own is such a bother. Good luck with this!!Angela Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324366495151363782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-13460615821810194502012-02-23T11:37:48.875-06:002012-02-23T11:37:48.875-06:00Very helpful. Huntress is extremely talented. Amaz...Very helpful. Huntress is extremely talented. Amazing even.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-84695734275751924212012-02-23T09:06:49.958-06:002012-02-23T09:06:49.958-06:00I really enjoyed this too. Huntress hit everything...I really enjoyed this too. Huntress hit everything that I saw. Would love to read more of this.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-52987805084996325302012-02-23T09:03:05.943-06:002012-02-23T09:03:05.943-06:00That's ok..I don't worry about it. Steamp...That's ok..I don't worry about it. Steampunk is a sub-genre of a sub-genre I think :) PLUS, unless you have all the cues like the tesla coils, or the nifty gadgets they come up with..or it says "Steampunk" on the cover. :) I should throw in a dirigible!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-8231696705708154602012-02-23T08:36:57.063-06:002012-02-23T08:36:57.063-06:00ACK. Sorry. *fixing* Now, all better.
'musty ...ACK. Sorry. *fixing* Now, all better.<br /><br />'musty smell of old uniforms' is EXCELLENT. <br /><br />*smacks forehead* Holy cow, I sure missed the genre.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393512822627120580.post-74429313224622664462012-02-23T08:29:05.354-06:002012-02-23T08:29:05.354-06:00Thank you so much for the help! Close on the genr...Thank you so much for the help! Close on the genre. Actually it's Steampunk, set in the 1920's. Futuristic-ish. <br /><br />I was so worried about the adverb/sentence issue I wasn't watching my 'ing' words. I will watch that...EDIT! Also...yes. Smells. HA! It's funny..as I was editing it..and trying to keep it under 800 words..:) The stuff that kept getting cut because it was deemed not necessary to the excerpt was stuff like what you're talking about. "The musty smell of old uniforms stored wrong..." "Badly cleaned surgical tools..." That sort of thing. I didn't realize I'd cut out 'smell' entirely! Note to self: don't do all editing at 1am! :) <br /><br />Ok. I'm glad you enjoyed it! And again...thank you all for any input! Greatly appreciated.<br /><br />Oh..forgot to mention...on the uncritiqued version, the top paragraph accidentally got left off in the post.<br />Thank you!Alicia Willette-Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174871217832164495noreply@blogger.com