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Thursday, September 13, 2012

#5 Twitter Pitches and Loglines


Andren, prince of a small island, goes on a quest to find himself after a traumatic event and ends up waging war on an evil dragon emperor.

If you insert why he needs to ‘find himself’, you'll tie the reader to Andren.

Examples:
‘Andren, prince of a small island, finds himself at odds with his father…’
‘After killing his best friend, Andren, prince of a small island, wanders in search of…’
‘When Andren, prince of a small island, breaks his vow of chastity…’
*snicker* 

Anyway, if you add a character trait, you'll create a bond between the reader and Andren.

5 comments:

Patchi said...

I think you need more action. I remember reading your query, so I would suggest something like:

Prince Andren leaves his small island to fight the monsters within and ends up waging war on an evil dragon emperor.

Ink in the Book said...

I agree with Patchi. Adding some action and some character traits will really make this pitch pop:)

Liz said...

And what's the traumatic event? Depending on what it was, "finding himself" might seem reasonable.

Gina Gao said...

I agree with Patchi. Readers really like action.

www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

Laura Stephenson said...

I LOVE it! Why didn't I think of that?