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Monday, August 27, 2012

QueryCon Final #1--Escape From the Forbidden Planet

Title: Escape From the Forbidden Planet
Genre: Upper MG Scifi
Name: Julie Grasso

Dear Guest Agent,

“ESCAPE FROM THE FORBIDDEN PLANET” is an Upper Middle Grade Science Fiction at 53,000 words.

12-Year-Old-Caramel Cinnamon, a telepathic elf from the planet Cardamom thought the worst day of her life was the day her grandparent’s the King and Queen of Cardamom went missing.

She was wrong!

It is the day she spills a sticky toffee syrup onto her father’s computer, that's when her worst nightmare begins. Suddenly she finds herself marooned on a forbidden planet called Earth by an evil clone with a very sticky secret.

Caramel is desperate to find a way to escape and rescue her grandparents. If she doesn't she will lose her dreams of returning to Cardamom to become a healer like her Mum.  With the help of her motley crew of Earth friends Caramel embarks on an outrageous plan to defeat the Alexander clones and rescue her grandparents.  No problem piece of cake. Except her grandfather is wounded in the rescue and the spaceship they jumped on to escape is now hurtling out of control towards Cardamom. 

Luckily, she has a secret of her own and the lives of her family and friends depend on it!

I would be very pleased if you would like to view the full manuscript, but I would suggest you have a snack nearby if you do. My elves are quite partial to sticky date and chocolate with caramel syrup and reading may induce a sugar craving.

Yours faithfully
Julie Anne Grasso

6 comments:

Krystal Wade said...

This sounds fun. But we don't publish MG. Good luck with getting this one published!

Nancy M Bell said...

You catch the reader's interest, however it could benefit from some tightening. It gets a little frenetic and confusing in the middle. In the last bit you suddenly talk about the Alexander clones and the reader goes hmm who are they- don't introduce new characters at this point- we don't know they are the clones who sent her to Earth, nor do we know until now that her grandparents are on Earth too. You only said they disappeared earlier.

See below:

12-Year-Old-Caramel Cinnamon, a telepathic elf from the planet Cardamom thought the worst day of her life was when her grandparent’s, the King and Queen of Cardamom, went missing.

She was wrong!

It is the day she spills a sticky toffee syrup onto her father’s computer and her worst nightmare begins. She finds herself marooned on a forbidden planet called Earth sent there [I am assuming??]by an evil clone with a very sticky secret.

Caramel is desperate to find a way to escape and rescue her grandparents. If she fails she will never return to Cardamom and become a healer like her Mum. With the help of a motley crew of Earth friends, Caramel embarks on an outrageous plan to defeat her enemies and rescue her grandparents. No problem, piece of cake. Except her grandfather is wounded in the rescue, and the spaceship they jumped on to escape is now hurtling out of control towards Cardamom.

Luckily, she has a secret of her own and the lives of her family and friends depend on it!

I would be very pleased if you would like to view the full manuscript, but I would suggest you have a snack nearby if you do. My elves are quite partial to sticky date and chocolate with caramel syrup and reading may induce a sugar craving.

Jambo said...

Hi Nancy and Krystal
Thank you very much for taking the time to help me hone my query. Your suggestions were wonderful. Cheers Julie Grasso

Amy Lichtenhan said...

Hi Julie,

This is a very fun query and caught my attention. I'd recommend tightening it just a tad in that fourth paragraph. We would request the full if we accepted MG.

Wishing you luck!

Jambo said...

Thanks Amy
With Nancy's suggestions, I think that have honed the 4th paragraph, so thank you for stopping by. Cheers Julie

abuckley23 said...

Hi Julie,
I agree with the comments regarding the 4th paragraph. Other than that it's a fun query. I especially like the final paragraph, it says a lot about your personality and sense of humor :)

Best of luck!