Genre: Space Opera
His ship landed in the early morning hours. Eleena watched the lights and smoke from her window until the air cleared. Things grew calm and eerily silent. The lunch hour came and went, but no one brought any news to her. She slumped against the window casing and waited.
A commotion below caused her heart rate to quicken. The large metal gates that enclosed the courtyard opened to let the soldiers strut in. People rushed to their doors to watch and the air filled with cheers. The black and red leather armor had been cleaned until it shone in the afternoon light. Each man carried his helmet and waved to the crowd. Eleena gripped the velvet curtain for ten minutes of parading men, but the warrior king was still unaccounted for. Another ten minutes passed before he walked through the archway—conqueror of worlds, destroyer of lives, and her husband.
The years of fear and hate evaporated in the wake of relief at seeing him whole and unharmed. The unwelcome truth glared at her in the form of weak knees and shaking hands. His absence had taught her what her true feelings really were. She longed for him to reach out to her, touch her, hold her. She had fallen in love with the enemy.
I can't quite pinpoint why but this passage feels very passive to me, even though it isn't really. After reading it a few times I think what I want is to know more about this backstory the author has condensed into a few paragraphs. Because it sounds intriguing. How did Eleena come to be the wife of the enemy? What was her life before she married? And who the heck is this destroyer dude? THAT sounds as interesting as Eleena's present life.
Now, what does everyone else thing about this excerpt? Care to help the author out?