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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Pitch #5

Title: The Way to Dendara
Genre: Fantasy

Lucy Akker, a young woman with bad dreams and a tragic past, has just
inherited a magic kingdom. Unfortunately, it's not the kingdom with the
fairies and elves and wood sprites. It’s the other one, the one with the
trolls and goblins and a half brother who’d like nothing better than the
throne for himself.

For Lucy, the hardest part will not be ruling the kingdom; it will be
keeping it.

6 comments:

Charity Bradford said...

First off, you hooked me with your second and third sentences.

"Unfortunately, it's not the kingdom with the
fairies and elves and wood sprites. It’s the other one, the one with the trolls and goblins and a half brother who’d like nothing better than the throne for himself."

Brilliant! and I'd totally want to read it. I can feel the voice shining through with those two lines.

Halli Gomez said...

I loved those two lines too! Definitely felt some mystery and intrigue!

L. said...

Does she want to keep it? Does she have to?

And I agree with Charity and Halli: great opening paragraph.

Huntress said...

Oh. Very. Nice!
Yeah, I am familiar with the story *snicker* but still, this really POPS!

My only suggestion: Put a period after "...the one with the trolls and goblins." Then start a new sentence: "And a half brother who'd like..."

Stephen Tremp said...

That's great conflict! You can use this in a synopsis as it grabs the reader's attention.

Elizabeth Mueller said...

Great fresh take on the fantasy realm--I love it!


♥.•*¨Elizabeth¨*•.♥

Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?

YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell coming fall of 2011!