An unselfish wish made on the horn of a unicorn will come true. Our wish? To support the writing community by giving constructive tips and criticism through submissions. Check out the submissions tab for more information. We can survive the crucible of fire together.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

query #1

This is my query is for a YA fantasy I wrote called Fairy Tail. By all means comment and suggest away. As soon as I get one of your submissions I'll post it. Like immediately.


Dear Agent;

The game is afoot; after years of war, the Seelie Court and the Unseelie Court have merged. But in this game the pieces are mortal ones; it is the fairies who move them, manipulate them for their own amusement. And while Callista arranges an alliance between two neighboring kingdoms, gifting the heirs with Love and Happiness, her rival, Matisse, hatches a plan to switch her own daughter for the Princess of Ghent and wed a fairy to the mortal Prince of Rhodes.

But before either fairy's plan can reach fruition a medallion sends Lyra, the true Princess of Ghent, on a search for her own identity, a search that will draw her away from the only home she's known. Along the way she’ll stumble into Faerie where she’ll meet Calix – a recluse content with the occasional mortal seduction – then to Rhodes where she’ll masquerade as a servant to Prince Xander, and finally to Ghent and the sister she never knew she had.

Meanwhile, her sister Phaedra has known all along who she is and what is expected of her but when she meets Lyra the idea of being Queen is suddenly not nearly as appealing as being someone else. For these sisters, the truth may be the only thing that will save them from the machinations of Faerie and from Matisse, who will not be so kind as to send Lyra away in a basket this time, at least, not in one piece.

Fairy Tail is complete at 97,000 words and would likely appeal to fans of Melissa Marr, Patricia A. McKillip, and Robin McKinley.

4 comments:

L. said...

Whose story is this? Everyone else is just slowing down the query.

It's a complicated story, I'm sure and there's nothing wrong with that. But there's a simple, dramatic kernel in there, right? I suspect it's Lyra's quest to save her kingdom from the faeries?

But I'm not sure ;)

David Jace said...

I, too, feel a little confused by the interweaving plotlines. What really caught me, though, was the title. I see the connection to Fairy here, but whose 'tail' is on the table?

Charity Bradford said...

Maybe it's just me-because I have such a complicated plot myself-but I didn't get lost. I think the story sounds fascinating, but it is a bit crowded for a query.

I wonder if pulling back to a more general look would help?

Two sisters, separated at birth... (instead of giving each their own paragraph).

I love the first paragraph, but is Lyra or Phaedra aware of the manipulations of the Courts? I think you need this paragraph, but tie it more directly to the sisters?

And I so want to know more about Matisse sending Lyra away in a basket.

Tara Tyler said...

i love fairy stories and the fact that they are controlling mortals for their own amusement. sounds like a fun fantasy!

Here's advice I got from a conference: A query should be simple and to the point. Start with the mc and the problem then lead into some of the good parts. And from what I have read, limiting the number of characters you introduce (avoid character soup) is a good idea.